Asshole Coworker: I don’t tip delivery drivers because they’re from companies that charge a delivery fee.  I’m already paying extra, why should I have to tip them?
Stunned Coworker: You are a cheap bastard!  Those drivers depend on tips for a living!
Asshole Coworker: They make a living wage, why should I feel bad for not tipping them?  If they make minimum wage, that’s over $13,000 a year.  Get a couple roommates and that’s definitely livable.
Stunned Coworker: WHAT?  They don’t make minimum wage, and they depend on tips to make up the difference.
Asshole Coworker: Okay, but really, what is $2.00 from me going to do for them?
Stunned Coworker: Again, you are such a cheap bastard.

Eden Prairie, Office
Overheard by Man that dude is cheap.

Boss: I’m gonna get cocoa. F*CK! There is NO COCOA!!!! God dammit!

Minneapolis, 801 Marquette
Overheard by Subordinate.

Woman pouring coffee on her cup: Drinking decaf is like kissing your brother; it’s just not worth it.

Edina, Lunch room at a large corporation
Overheard by I think I’ll have a toast today.

Woman in office: Stop rubbing against each other! (exits office, walking down hallway) There’s enough friction in there to start a forest fire.

Minneapolis, Downtown
Overheard by JfA.

Construction worker #1: The only time I know you’re not talking is when you’re smoking or pooping.
Construction worker #2: How do you know I’m not talking when I’m pooping?

Minneapolis, Xcel Power Plant Construction Site
Overheard by heard you in the porta-potty.

Woman: You know, these Indian guys come in here demanding this and that and you can’t understand a damn word they’re saying. It’s like, “Speak Minnesotan”.

Minneapolis,  Small office
Overheard by Just that simple.

Woman #1: Where are you getting married?
Woman #2: The church I grew up with, in Eden Prairie.
Woman #1: Cool. Is that a Catholic church?
Woman #2: Um, I don’t know. Lutheran maybe? I guess I’m not really sure.

St. Paul, Internet Broadcasting
Overheard by You… grew up with them? And you missed that detail?

One worker talking over her cube to another: Squashed monkeys are awesome.

Golden Valley, Cubicle forest just like any other
Overheard by Damned, dirty apes.

New client to case manager: I’m not the meek, doting mom that I was when I was a crackhead.  I got a lot of experience; I used to run a call center.
Case manager: For telemarketing?
Everyone in room (emphatically):  No.
New Client:  I ran a whorehouse.
Case Manager:  Ah… I don’t think we can put that on a resume.

An office complex in Minneapolis
Overheard by Miracle Worker.

Customer Service Girl: I think I burned my face.

The Office in Lakeville
Overheard by You’re not sure?

President of the company says to his male co-worker: So, does that affect your bowel movements?

901 Marquette Avenue South (formerly the 225 S. 6th street crew!)
Overheard by Sometimes I wish I just didn’t pay attention to people.

40-something executive: I was about as worthless as tits in a bowl today.

Office in Chanhassen
Overheard by supposed to be working.

Old guy #1, to young guy getting married in September: So when’s the wedding?
Young guy: In four weeks, September 6.
Old guy #2 (president of the company):  Do you know how far away you can GET in four weeks?

Roseville, at work
Overheard by Angela.

Male boss into phone, excitedly: So how’s the pregnancy going?! [pause] Well, that’s great! Are you going to go C-section? [short pause] Look, I don’t need to hear about your placenta. You start telling me about your uterus, and we can just be done talking about this. I don’t need to hear about your women’s things.

Small office in Golden Valley, MN
Overheard by this, from the guy who says he knows what childbirth is like?

Random worker #1: I went to the doctor the other day and they made me pay 10% of my bill up front; it was like 70 dollars!
Random worker #2: Whoa, that’s a lot of money. What was 100% of the bill then?

Plymouth
Overheard by Me.

One disgruntled employee to another after a seemingly comfortable silence: Seriously, though, how many years do you think I would have to serve if I burnt down the building?

Golden Valley, MN
Overheard by warn me to call in that day.

Man in office: Japanese baseball is a blatant rip-off of American baseball.

Office in Chanhassen
Overheard by so is Dutch baseball… and Canadian.

Employee: Who’s responsible for making sure Mike’s ass doesn’t bleed all over the passenger seat?

Chanhassen office
Overheard by nasty president taft.

Older woman on phone: Stacy is in jail right now, but she’ll be into work a little later.

Duluth
Overheard by O_o.

20-something guy #1: And somehow they found out we were living together!
20-something guy #2: OOOOOhhh.

Corporate office, Eagan
Overheard by ashley.