Bar Girl #1: We should, like, totally go walk around Stillwater sometime!
Bar Girl #2: Is that in Minnesota?
Bar Girl #1: No, Hudson.

Minneapolis, Il Gato
Overheard by TequilaCuresACold.

Chick #1: I really like him. A lot. But I’m getting bored with just going over there and “hanging out”. I want more.
Chick #2: Sounds like a booty call without sex. What’s the point?

Minneapolis, The Independent

Customer, entering bar, to bartender: Hey, would it be possible to watch the State of the Union in here?
Bartender: There’s another one?

Minneapolis, Sauce Spirits and Soundbar
Overheard by smoothd.

Lady at the end of the bar: I don’t trust those Haitians. All that voodoo.

Minneapolis, Cuzzy’s Bar
Overheard by Scarfing down a reuben.

Douchie yuppie wannabe #1: She hit me in the balls so I pulled her skirt over her head!
Douchie yuppie wannabe #2: Sounds fair.

Minneapolis, The Local
Overheard by having dinner with the fam 2 feet away.

Patron: Do you have a dessert menu?
Server: Uh… yeah… it’s oral.

Minneapolis, King’s Wine Bar
Overheard by Ed.

Drunk Guy #1: What should we do for the rest of the night!?
Drunk Guy #2: I might just go to a movie.
Drunk Guy #1: Yeah, well, I might just shit my pants and throw my boxers in the trash can.

Minneapolis, VFW on Lyndale
Overheard by Amber.

One sluttily dressed girl to another, 3 yards away, above a blaring jukebox: Oh man, I had some really raunchy farts last night.

Coon Rapids, Lindee’s Bar
Overheard by thanks for sharing. really.

Goth 35 year old in denial: You really shouldn’t smoke so much pot this Thanksgiving.

Minneapolis, Fine Line Music Cafe
Overheard by and i thought it was the tryptophan.

Old guy at the ATM, to no one in particular: I’m so horny the crack of dawn is nervous.

Shoreview, Meisters Bar & Grill
Overheard by Hoping to not be there at the crack of dawn.

Bar-goer to friends at table: So, I was in this Japanese locker room…

Minneapolis, 331 Club
Overheard by aeh.

Drunk Young Corporate Dude #1: How come real-life lesbians are never as hot as they are in movies?
Drunk Young Corporate Dude #2: Yeah, like, my girlfriend hangs out with good looking gay dudes all the time, and I am totally cool with it. Shouldn’t I get to hang out with hot lesbians?

Minneapolis, Brit’s Pub
Overheard by Bartender.

College girl to friend: I’m looking for some new lube.
Friend: What do you like?
College girl: Something large with a hand pump.

Minneapolis, Town Hall Brewery
Overheard by Ed.

40-ish wannabe hipster: I am so overqualified for my job. I mean, look at me. I am so intelligent.
Hipster’s friend: What about Stacy? Doesn’t she want to get married?
40-ish wannabe hipster: I know! I just want to be an international rock star and tour Europe and shit!

Minneapolis, The Independent
Overheard by Couldn’t wait to get home and write this down.

One dumb valley girl to another: So, he decided to have a burrito party in the back of my Lexus.

NE Minneapolis, Moose on Monroe Parking Lot

Burly man, grabbing a woman’s butt while she exits the bathroom: C’mon hon, we gotta get home and practice some foreplay!

Minneapolis, Grumpy’s
Overheard by JOB.

Cute petite blonde girl walks up to her group of friends: (laughing) I just farted all the way here from over there! (points across the bar)

St. Cloud, MC’s Dugout
Overheard by Random drunk.

Mustachioed Bartender: Okay, I’m going to tell you a little story about something known as the Tequila Sunrise!

Minneapolis, Uptown Bar
Overheard by An Invisible fiend.

Hungover girl: Seriously, DO NOT light your cigarette near me. There’s a good chance my sweat is 90 proof right now.
Male friend: Normal people would see that as a sign to, I don’t know, stop drinking?

Minneapolis, Mayslack’s patio
Overheard by IQ=BAC.

Hammered Bro, table hopping, interrupting: People don’t like me because I’m always interrupting and I haven’t had a girlfriend in 7 years; can I finish my drink with you guys?
Innocent bystander: Uhh, bottoms up?
Hammered Bro, pensive, leaving: God. I used to be somebody.

Downtime, Minneapolis
Overheard by He coulda been a contendah.