Man: I want a beer and a shot of tequila!
Woman: No.  You don’t.

Uptown Bar
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Loud, obnoxious drunk: Hey, can you make me a Pink Cadillac?
Bartender: Uh, I’m not sure that I…
Drunk: Well, how ’bout a mojito?
Bartender: A mojito? Sure, I can–
Drunk: Aw, I’m just kiddin’ with ya. This guy said I looked GAY!!

The Strip Club, St Paul
Overheard by Jeremy Q. Afterglide.

Lady #1: That guy used to go to the church I used to go to.
Lady #2: You don’t go to church anymore?
Lady #1: No, there’s only one reason to get on my knees and it ain’t for praying.

Broadway Bar
Overheard by Bartender’s ears.

Guy in line for bathroom: Doorman, huh? How tall are you?
Really tall guy holding bathroom door: I… don’t… know.

Blarney - Dinkytown
Overheard by aeh.

Intoxicated chap: Dude, come on - everyone does it on the internet!

Park Tavern
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Drunk College Senior Girl: I was two for the 1987 World Series.
“Old” Guy: Really? I was nineteen.
Drunk College Senior Girl: Well, you don’t look that old!

Stub and Herbs
Overheard by: t.ro

Drunk Girl #1: This is the third time I’ve gone to the bathroom tonight, I think I have diabetes.
Drunk Girl #2: Really? Is that a symptom?
Drunk Girl #1: Yeah, when you have diabetes you have to pee a lot.
Drunk Girl #2: Maybe it’s just all of the beer you drank?
Drunk Girl #1: Yeah, that could be it.

Billy’s on Grand
Overheard by Beer + More Beer = many trips to the bathroom.

Annoying drunk girl behind me talking to her friend: So, then she took off all her clothes and I grabbed her boob! Oh, by the way this is his girlfriend!

Bogarts in Apple Valley
Overheard by Curios as to what happened at the beginning of this story.

30 something suburban woman #1: So what do I do with him???
30 something suburban woman #2: Take him home and sleep with him!
30 something suburban woman #1: What do I do after that???
30 something suburban woman #2: Make him lefsa.

Mayslack’s
Overheard by norwego.

Chirpy 20-something woman: So she asked me if I had a livejournal, and I was like, “I have friends IRL, you know!”

Bullwinkle’s Saloon
Overheard by IRL no-one uses IRL.

Male talking sexual to a female friend at a bar while  drinking and taking shots: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.

Corner Bar - Minneapolis
Overheard by friends of both.

Cute chick playing pool: I think it’s okay. I mean I can drink a few times a week and not need more. I don’t have a problem or anything.
Pool Opponent: Denial.
Cute Chick: Denial in a river in the Amazon.

Mums bar, Mankato
Overheard by That’s not how I heard it…

Smoker outside bar:  Yeah, pretty soon babies will start coming out with limbs attached already.
Smoker #2:  I blame the parents.

Patrick’s on Third, St. Peter (Gustavus Adolphus College)
Overheard by were your limbs not attached at birth???

Drunk guy talking a little too loudly to his friend at the bar: Man, I can’t WAIT to go to your funeral!

Hoggsbreath - Roseville
Overheard by it should be a smashing good time.

Woman walking out of stall: I just want to say that whatever that is on the toilet seat, it was not me!

Unisex Restroom at the Independent
Overheard by wash your hands and enjoy the anonymity.

Dancing guy: Brandon, are you wearing make-up?
Brandon: No. Wait, why? Is my mole schmearing?

The Saloon
Overheard by Rock it ’til the Wheels Fall Off.

Drunk black guy on his cell phone smoking in the alley: No, man, I said I ain’t ready for no 8 ball yet!  I will TELL you when I’m ready for my 8 ball!

Turtle’s in Shakopee
Overheard by just gonna go back inside now

Guy at the bar: Let me get on my soapbox for a moment… (clears throat) Double Penetration porn…

Renegades in Savage.
Overheard by What the hell are my ears about to be subject to?

Woman at the bar: Me and another girl at work have the exact same car. (slight pause) Different license plates, but the same car.

Broadway Bar/St. Paul Park

Guy at concert to friend: Dude, that girl’s hair is so spiky. It felt like it was cutting my face. It’s like she has razor hair or something!
Friend: I know! She was cutting mine too!!

Station 4, St Paul
Overheard by I’m pretty sure that’s what you’d call a haircut.