Minneapolis dweller: Are you happy that you moved here?
Enthusiastic newcomer: Yeah! I’m almost, like, jealous of myself!

Brit’s Pub
Overheard by waiting lawn bowler.

Blonde woman to no one in particular: When two straight guys arm wrestle, someone gets punched in the face. When two gay guys arm wrestle, someone buys a round of drinks.

19 Bar
Overheard by saint ramer.

Trashy blonde interrupts conversation between two Indian girls talking about Bollywood movies: Indian Movies? What? The only Indian movie I know is Aladdin.

Prairie Pub
Overheard by Oh My God.

Extremely intoxicated old man wearing a Vietnam vet hat: The truth always prevails, even when you lie about it.
Young creeped out girl sitting next to him: Dude, get away from me!

Joe and Stans bar Saint Paul
Overheard by Bar Patron.

Young yuppie kid at urinal: Dude, I wish there was a privacy wall between these urinals?
Middle aged Biker at next urinal: Why, you got a small dick?

A hole in the wall Bar in Saint Paul
Overheard by Guy in the stall.

One wasted musician to another: I don’t know how she got pregnant. She must have sat down on my computer sock.

Renegades in Burnsville
Overheard by an equally drunk patron.

Man: I want a beer and a shot of tequila!
Woman: No.  You don’t.

Uptown Bar
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Loud, obnoxious drunk: Hey, can you make me a Pink Cadillac?
Bartender: Uh, I’m not sure that I…
Drunk: Well, how ’bout a mojito?
Bartender: A mojito? Sure, I can–
Drunk: Aw, I’m just kiddin’ with ya. This guy said I looked GAY!!

The Strip Club, St Paul
Overheard by Jeremy Q. Afterglide.

Lady #1: That guy used to go to the church I used to go to.
Lady #2: You don’t go to church anymore?
Lady #1: No, there’s only one reason to get on my knees and it ain’t for praying.

Broadway Bar
Overheard by Bartender’s ears.

Guy in line for bathroom: Doorman, huh? How tall are you?
Really tall guy holding bathroom door: I… don’t… know.

Blarney - Dinkytown
Overheard by aeh.

Intoxicated chap: Dude, come on - everyone does it on the internet!

Park Tavern
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Drunk College Senior Girl: I was two for the 1987 World Series.
“Old” Guy: Really? I was nineteen.
Drunk College Senior Girl: Well, you don’t look that old!

Stub and Herbs
Overheard by: t.ro

Drunk Girl #1: This is the third time I’ve gone to the bathroom tonight, I think I have diabetes.
Drunk Girl #2: Really? Is that a symptom?
Drunk Girl #1: Yeah, when you have diabetes you have to pee a lot.
Drunk Girl #2: Maybe it’s just all of the beer you drank?
Drunk Girl #1: Yeah, that could be it.

Billy’s on Grand
Overheard by Beer + More Beer = many trips to the bathroom.

Annoying drunk girl behind me talking to her friend: So, then she took off all her clothes and I grabbed her boob! Oh, by the way this is his girlfriend!

Bogarts in Apple Valley
Overheard by Curios as to what happened at the beginning of this story.

30 something suburban woman #1: So what do I do with him???
30 something suburban woman #2: Take him home and sleep with him!
30 something suburban woman #1: What do I do after that???
30 something suburban woman #2: Make him lefsa.

Mayslack’s
Overheard by norwego.

Chirpy 20-something woman: So she asked me if I had a livejournal, and I was like, “I have friends IRL, you know!”

Bullwinkle’s Saloon
Overheard by IRL no-one uses IRL.

Male talking sexual to a female friend at a bar while  drinking and taking shots: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.

Corner Bar - Minneapolis
Overheard by friends of both.

Cute chick playing pool: I think it’s okay. I mean I can drink a few times a week and not need more. I don’t have a problem or anything.
Pool Opponent: Denial.
Cute Chick: Denial in a river in the Amazon.

Mums bar, Mankato
Overheard by That’s not how I heard it…

Smoker outside bar:  Yeah, pretty soon babies will start coming out with limbs attached already.
Smoker #2:  I blame the parents.

Patrick’s on Third, St. Peter (Gustavus Adolphus College)
Overheard by were your limbs not attached at birth???

Drunk guy talking a little too loudly to his friend at the bar: Man, I can’t WAIT to go to your funeral!

Hoggsbreath - Roseville
Overheard by it should be a smashing good time.