College guy: By the way, your cat shit in my car.
Girlfriend: No way!  That one night?
Guy: Yeah, dude.
Girlfriend: Well, it wasn’t my fault you brought it to the bar.  Did you clean it up?
Guy: With my tongue.

Bethel University Dorms
Overheard by a.lil.

Ditzy college girl in line for food: Dude, they like would only give me one hashbrown last time.
Friend: No way! I want two hashbrowns.
Ditz: I know right? But I guess they like can’t give you more than one.
Friend: Seriously? Whatever, I totally want two.
Ditz: Yeah!
Friend: So, they won’t give you two?
Ditz: No, no more than one.
Friend: Whatever, I’m gonna ask for two.

Bethel University
Overheard by a.lil.

Bethel student to girlfriend: I’m not saying the guy dipped the knife in a vat of AIDS or cut himself with it before he cut me, but he could have!
Girlfriend hits guy: You should have told me that earlier.
Bethel student: Well, if I have AIDS, then you have AIDS, and we can have AIDS together!

Bethel University Dorms
Overheard by a.lil.

Drunk girl: I don’t have herpes but I have, um, some Minnesotan hurt, you know, it’s not herpes.  God damn, god damn. My tummy hurts.  Just let us know who was there, all right?  God damn. Stop typing, dammit.  Ow, my tummy hurts!

Bethel University
Overheard by a.lil.

College girl to friend while listening to the song “Hang Me Out to Dry”: Dude, I just pictured my tampon singing this song!

Bethel University
Overheard by a.lil.

College guy to girl: I’m gonna shoot you!  *pause* With love.
College girl (enthusiastically): That’s the best kinda shootin’ ever!

Bethel University
Overheard by a.lil.

(Shuttle pulls up nearly hitting a student waiting, jokingly)
Boyfriend of girl that almost got hit to bus driver: Dude, if you would have hit her, I would have had to just key the shuttle.
Bus driver: That’s it? (bursts into laughter)
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Awww… thanks for defending me!

Bethel University
Overheard by m.jo.

Non-Asian student to Asian student: Dude, I keep forgetting you’re Asian.
Asian Student: I KNOW! ME TOO!!

Bethel University
Overheard by m.jo.

College girl: At least your dad doesn’t make cereal towers.
Two college guys: *blank stare*
College girl: Seriously! I’ll walk into the kitchen and he’ll have cereal boxes just stacked to the ceiling in a tower!

Classroom, Bethel University
Overheard by A.Lil.

Clueless girl: Hey, you should sign up for Beginning Tennis with me!
Wannabe fratboy: Beginner’s tennis? Are you kidding? People compare my serve to Andre Agassi!
Clueless girl: Who’s that?
Wannabe: (stunned silence)
Clueless girl: Ya, well they compare MY serve to Anna Kournikova!

Dining Center @ Bethel University
Overheard by JAG,

Guy #1: C’mon, guys. Ingosoc? Hello! 1984? Orwell? Political system of Oceania?
Guy #2: Oh yeah! The minute you said 1984 I knew what you were talking about.
Girl: How should I know? I wasn’t even alive in 1984!

BSA Office @ Bethel University
Overheard by JAG.

College girl: Do you like Interpersonal Com?
College guy: Yeah, it’s alright. Did you take it, too?
College girl: Yeah, I loved it. It made me realize I needed to break up with my boyfriend, so it was really valuable for me.

Classroom @ Bethel University
Overheard by JAG.

Guy #1: …like Paul from The Beatles.
Guy #2: Paul Simon?

hallway in Bethel University
Overheard by aeh.

Curious coworker: I see Katie* and Aaron* are hanging out again… Do you know if they’re back together? I need the facts… I gotta check Facebook!

Bethel University
Overheard by Not my sister’s keeper.

Girl #1 (Whispers in class): Have you heard of Cornel West?
Girl #2: Is he a student here?

Bethel University
Overheard by aeh.

Girl #1 to Girl #2: You just look like that kind of animal. I look like a dolphin.

Bethel University
Overheard by I don’t look like any animal. I look like a human, thanks.

High school girl paging through conference schedule booklet: Oh my gosh, I don’t know what I would do without this. It’s like, my life… It’s like, the Bible!

Girls State, Bethel University
Overheard by I just work here…

One giddy blonde girl to another: We hugged for at least a minute! Now I can wear his sweatshirt! (giggling ensues)

market square, bethel university
Overheard by not so giddy brunette.

Female Professor to Male Professor during a conversation: There’s a bug crawling in your beard.

Bethel University
Overheard by a passing student.