Pre-teen girl, very loudly to friend: You did WHAT to WHOSE mother for HOW many Skittles?!?!

Minneapolis, bus
Overheard by Are you sure it wasn’t M&Ms?

PseudoMarxist #1: I’ve tried religion, but I prefer opium.
PseudoMarxist #2: Plus, that’s cheaper.

Minneapolis, on the bus
Overheard by How expensive is your church?

Young girl to friend: So, after you been with a man and you’re used to your discharge looking one way, and then it’s another way. That’s when you know somethin’ ain’t right.

Minneapolis, on the bus
Overheard by Human Nature.

Freshmen Girl: Yeah, my glasses broke over break so now they’re super bent, but it’s okay because tomorrow I’m going to the… obs… te… trician?
Freshmen Guy: Optometrist?
Freshmen Girl: Yeah! I don’t know what I just said.
Freshmen Guy: Yeah.

Minneapolis, U of M Campus Connector
Overheard by you put your glasses WHERE??

Old man: Like Prince say, “When dogs cry…”
Young man: That ain’t right.
Old man: That’s what I’m sayin! When a dog cry, somethin ain’t right!
Young man: No. The Prince song. It’s “When Doves Cry.”
Old man: Hell, man, that was a long time ago. I don’t ‘member ‘xactly. Still, when a dog cry, you know somethin’ wrong. When a dog cry, you know somethin’ ain’t right.

St. Paul, Bus Route 21, Easbound on Marshall
Overheard by me.

Man in the seat behind me mumbling to himself: It could be worse. I could be dead, that would be worse. I could be in Spyhouse, that would be better.

Minneapolis, as we pass Spyhouse on a #18 bus
Overheard by Ashley.

Bus driver on Christmas Eve: I had to call Brian McKnight and tell him to stop playin’ that song “Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow” cuz that man be from LA or Miami, which it never snows. And us folk up here in MN don’t wanna hear it no more!

North Minneapolis, 14 bus
Overheard by Captain.

Bus driver: Gotta move to the back, gotta move to the back. A lotta room back there. Santa Claus back there. A lotta gifts.

Minneapolis, 21
Overheard by lmb.

Man shouting into cell phone: I’m on the bus, man. Some dude who looks like Jesus let me use his phone.

Minneapolis, 16 route
Overheard by glad to be on a holy bus.

Man with a Southern drawl shouting on his cellphone: Honey, I am telling you, there is NO WAY a man can push a baby out of his unit! (pauses to shake head) I don’t care what you saw on Oprah. There is simply no way that THAT hole can stretch that much!

3A- Eastbound from U of MN, smashed between friendly neighborhood drunk and sleepy student
Overheard by Well if Oprah says its possible…

Guy on bus: That’s the last time you’ll see someone not wearing a hat. I waited out there for twenty minutes!
Bus driver: Sir, I’m gonna ask you to step off the bus.
Guy on bus: Why?
Bus driver: You’re bothering everybody!
Guy on bus: I paid my fare.
Bus driver, into microphone: NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOU.

Minneapolis, Route 4

Girl on phone: Good news! My uterus is a desolate wasteland.

Minneapolis, 17 Bus downtown
Overheard by Another empty uterus.

Guy trying to pick up an annoyed-looking woman: Can’t anyone say “hi” anymore? Can’t I get a ‘’s’up”? A “fuck you”? A “bitch”?

St. Paul, 50 bus
Overheard by friendly greetings.

Guy standing in the aisle of a crowded bus: Okay, everybody! Nut to butt!

16 Bus
Overheard by glad I was sitting.

Mom: Rub that [hand sanitizer] on your hands! Gimme some of that! Don’t touch the window! Don’t touch anything! Keep your hands together on your lap or else you’ll get the flu! Why you talkin’ to her? Do you know her? Why you talkin’ to a stranger? Don’t worry ’bout what your sister doin’, worry ’bout what you doin’!
Little Boy: You cwazy. You a good mom, but you cwazy.

4 bus, Uptown
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Angry young man: I don’t feel bad for people killin’ themselves on alcohol, cigarettes.
Angry young backup: That’s right! And heroin!
Angry young man: People sellin’ you cigarettes. If they can sell you death, they can sell you anything.
Angry young backup: That’s right!
Angry young man: If they can sell you death, they can sell you anything. People be stupid, believin’ all sorts of fairy tales: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Columbus Day.

Minneapolis, Back of the 4G, northbound on Lyndale
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Grade-school girl #1: I think Michael Jackson looked better when he was young. You think he looks better now?
Grade-school girl #2: I don’t really want to talk about politics.

Minneapolis, Campus Connector
Overheard by QuoteRadar.

University Student: …and he was like, “There are no stupid questions.” But that’s a lie; this girl had a TON of stupid questions!

Minneapolis, Route 113
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Woman at the back of the bus: I took a shower today and used deodorant even!
Clearly-not-impressed friend: Really? For the Fair?

I94 Park and Ride bus to the State Fair
Overheard by Chronic Fair Visitor.

Woman talking to some guy she just met on the bus: I have been beaten up a lot, so I am not as pretty as I used to be.

17 on the way to St. Louis Park
Overheard by Minding my own business.