Guy on crowded bus, to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.

#17 bus, uptown
Overheard by I don’t want to know.

Fat guy: *moan*
Woman: You alright?
Fat guy: I just feel…
Woman: Yeah?
Fat guy: I feel fat this morning.
Woman: Well, you shoulda eaten something. You should eat more!

#16, Eastbound
Overheard by ORLY.

Man: I don’t know why Brett Favre wants to keep playing football; he already has 3 Emmys.

21
Overheard by LB.

Really loud and annoying guy to woman sitting next to him, apparently explaining all that he knows about MN: Yeah, so 35 goes up like this (demonstrates with his fingers) and then splits when it hits the Twin Cities and then comes back together. About a year ago the 35W bridge collapsed.
Woman: Oh no!
Guy: Yeah, no one got hurt though.

Mega Bus, en route to Minneapolis
Overheard by I guess those 13 people didn’t die then…

Grungy guy to random woman: I’m the gayest.
Woman: Uh-huh.
Guy: That’s what I call myself “the Gayest.”
Woman: Uh… neat?
Guy: Right now I’m going to go get me a rainbow belt, and then I’m gonna get a tattoo of a rainbow that leads to a pot of gold. But instead of gold, it will be Skittles and it will say “taste the rainbow.”

12 bus in uptown
Overheard by …what does that even mean?

Crazy guy to random stranger and her kids: You know what I see? I see three beautiful women.
Woman, slightly annoyed: This one’s a boy.
Crazy guy: Really? You need a haircut. So, you’re a boy, huh?
Androgynous little boy: Bah! (tries to punch crazy man)
Crazy guy: I guess he just wants to be left alone.

The 67 in Saint Paul
Overheard by I bet you get that a lot.

21 year old girl: To talk to girls, you just have to compliment them on something that couldn’t be construed as offensive, like an accessory.
Stringy haired disgruntled looking boy: Like hey, nice Barrett, huh huh, nice eyes, I like your eyes. Uh yeah.
21 year old girl: You don’t want a girlfriend; you just wanna get laid.

On the 2 bus

Woman on bus talking across the aisle to her mother about the yard workers out the window: Look! They have those claw things. They’re picking up trash with those little claws! Ohh, that’s funny! Look at the claws! Picking up one piece of trash at a time. [pause, bus driver comments] Oh, that’s funny! That’s so funny!

#2 Bus
Overheard by she wouldn’t think it’s so funny if she was the one doing it!

Woman who just boarded to college guy sitting and talking with a friend: I know you, you work at Target!
Guy: Yeah.
(minutes of silence pass)
Woman: No disrespect but, a man and a woman, who would you choose?
Guy: (stunned, jaw dropped, silence)
Woman: I mean I can’t tell, I’m trying to guess, who would you choose?
Guy: (stunned, jaw dropped, silence)
Woman: Well I’m just trying to guess…
Guy: (curtly) keep guessing.
Woman, to herself as she gets off: That was none of my fucking business.
Guy to friend: (icily) Thanks, John. Thanks for making me sit in the back of the bus.

21 bus, Uptown
Overheard by another sunned passenger.

Hipster to hipstress boarding the 21 in Uptown: What is that smell!? It smells like, like…
Hipstress: Like stale alcohol? (pointing to the wet patch that stretches the length of the bus and taking a seat across the isle from him)
Hipster: Well, I’m not sitting there and letting that shit soak into my pants. (pause) God, I hate the 21. This is why I haven’t taken the bus in the three months I’ve been back and have gladly paid for cabs instead. Now get over here and sit next to me before some creeper does!

21 bus, Uptown
Overheard by Driver.

Young woman on cell phone: Who is this? (pause) He is my baby, not my boyfriend! I told you that. (short pause) What’s wrong with you?!?

#5 bus downtown Minneapolis
Overheard by Yikes.

Man talking very loud: Woah, this my stop. I always get off at Mary Tyler Moore. She one sexy bitch.

17 bus eastbound
Overheard by Mary Tyler Moore’s bestest fan.

Man chatting with an equally loud friend: He’s so cute you wanna trust anything he says, but it’s like, no. He just sells himself so he can be like geishas.

16 bus wetbound
Overheard by if he’s cute….

Loud, angry black man: Shit, don’t talk to me about no “African American.” I’m a black American. I ain’t no “African” American; I’m a black American. Africans hate you, black man. They hate you.
Slightly amused African American man: Man, let me give you a history lesson. Liberia…
Angry black man: Man, fuck your history lesson! I don’t need a damn history lesson. I know all about Liberia. I know all about the Nation of Islam. Liberians, Somalis, Egyptians, they’re all the same: they hate you. They don’t want anything to do with you. You can’t talk to their women, but they can talk to yours. African American… shit, I’m a black American!
African American man: It is way too early for this shit.

16 on Washington, 4:30 a.m.
Overheard by Yes, yes it is way too early for this shit.

Metro Transit phone employee (on speakerphone): Take the sixteen bus towards…
18 year old girl trying to get directions: Wait, wait you’re talking too fast and my pen died.
Metro Transit phone employee: You killed your pen? You heartless BITCH.

Univeristy/ sixteen bus line
Overheard by Death to ink.

Prada-carrying,rich suburban mom on crowded bus of mainly black people: We should go to Baton Rouge. I just love plantations. They’re so beautiful.
Rich suburban daughter with Chanel glasses: I want to get married there!

16 into Minneapolis
Overheard by LB.

Pissy gay man: I don’t like The Onion. They just make up all their stories. It’s not the REAL news.

Number 4 bus to uptown
Overheard by that’s sort of the point.

Guy #1: Jesus was such an amazing person.
Guy #2: Yeah. But he wasn’t white though!

The #4 bus
Overheard by where’d that come from?

Man talking to girlfriend: I’m not controlling, but when I say shut up, bitch, you shut up!

South Bound Metro Transit #4
Overheard by Someone who knows a bad relationship when they see one.

Toothless woman to hairy, bandana-wearing man:  Are you single?

Back of 67 bus
Overheard by LB.