Club going girl to her friends: Gross, I have period stain.

Burnsville, Perkins
Overheard by questioning my sexuality for the first time ever.

College guy: You can’t keep it in your pants, so why keep it in the species?

St. Cloud, Wendy’s
Overheard by a.lil.

Brunette #1: Do you guys want water?
Brunette #2: Yes.
Brunette #1: Barb, Barb, do you want water, Barb?
Barb, interrupting her order: Yes!
Brunette #2, to Barb in a hushed voice after Brunette #1 brings water to the table and leaves again: Oh my god! Was there water on the table when we got here?
Barb, unsure: Maybe.
Brunette #2, excitedly: I just drank it. I just drank strange table water. I’m going to get sick now, it tasted funny, it tasted like germs.
Barb: Oh wait, you know, those are our waters.
(pause)
Brunette #2: Oh that’s right, I think it was just really cold then.

Northeast Minneapolis, Wilde Roast
Overheard by Chai Tea.

Disheveled man to friend: Those shoes look really comfortable. What are those, like, deer wool?

Bloomington, Perkins
Overheard by Wearing a Sheep fur t-shirt.

Mid-20’s guy: They have whiskey AND hooches!  What could be better?!

St. Paul, Moose Country
Overheard by a.lil.

Guy with comb over: No really, it was a granny smith apple.  It came shooting out of his arse.

Minneapolis, Chang Meng Thai
Overheard by He Who Spit Fried Rice Everywhere.

Overly tan taco lover: So can you, like, get your fingers all the way around it? Like it’s a marble?  And it’s really close to the skin’s surface? Does pus ooze out around it? How old is she? Maybe it has been growing like that for a while now?

Richfield, Taco Bell
Overheard by i think i am done with my crunch wrap supreme.

Disgusted, older woman not yet used to, or ready for Minnesota winters: It’s snowing AGAIN?!

White Bear Lake, Subway
Overheard by AA.

Boyfriend: My drunk girlfriend seems to like it.
Drunk girlfriend stumbles back into the bar after being led out of the kitchen: Whaaa? What the fuck?!
Boyfriend: Let’s go towards the exit.

Uptown, Green Mill
Overheard by witnessed their domestic in the parking lot.  True love.

Girl #1: It just squirted out. It was terrible!
Girl #2: Did you see a doctor about it?
Girl #1: No, I’m waiting ’til it gets worse.

Minneapolis, Longfellow Grill
Overheard by i think thats probably as good as its gonna get.

Husband to his wife at the next table: Did you know that Sarah Palin was wearing three hundred thousand dollars worth of clothes on her. At ONE time?! Three hundred thousand dollars.

Minneapolis, Uptown restaurant
Overheard by and you think she’s the idiot…

Woman in bathroom stall: I’ll tell you why… that’s because she’s a cold hearted, backstabbing WHORE!

Minneapolis, Uptown, Figlio’s bathroom
Overheard by is there any other kind?

Woman to family at dinner: I’m not voting for Obama because he’s the anti-christ. (Family laughs, she’s offended) You really should respect people’s opinions.  Besides, I saw it on Discovery Channel.

Plymouth, Noodles & Co.
Overheard by so then it must be fact.

Weather Conscious Young Female: My boots can’t get wet. They’re leather.
Insightful Friend: But don’t cows get wet in the rain?
Weather Conscious Young Female: Yeah, but there’s fur!

Skyway Taco Bell in Downtown Minneapolis
Overheard by Clearly, She is Not a Vegan.

Stupid Blonde Girl: You know what a palindrome is, right?
Stupid Blonde Gay Guy: Oh Yeah! That’s a shape, Right?

St.Paul, LoTo Life Cafe
Overheard by …bleach does wonders for your brain.

Middle aged woman to friend: Ugh, he is so dramatic, in a total VFW kind of way.

St. Paul, Mickey’s Diner

Boy: So I said, “No, I’m not gonna do that! I wanna go to science camp!” *unintelligible* So, then she threw down her skirt and ran away.

Ridgedale, Applebee’s

Hipster: Punk rock was a really important moment in history, you know? But I hate how punk invented capitalism.

Minneapolis, Acadia Cafe
Overheard by I would check my facts if I were you…

Highschooler #1: Do you know where you’re applying for college?
Highschooler #2: Yeah, I’m thinking of just going somewhere local, like the U.
Highschooler #1: Oh yeah? What for?
Highschooler #2, completely serious: Rocket Science. You know, the stuff NASA does.
Highschooler #3: (pause) You do know that Rocket Science isn’t a real major, right?
Highschooler #2: BULLSHIT!

Minneapolis, Leaning Tower
Overheard by Not a Rocket Scientist.

Drunk Indian girl: I wanna Sprite!
Girl’s boyfriend: I’d like a Sprite too, please.
Drunk girl: NO ICE! Indian girl no like the ice!

Minneapolis, Arby’s
Overheard by Irish girl do like the ice.