Teenage Girl #1: He totally dissed my mom!
Teenage Girl #2: Well, in his defense, your mom is kind of a slut.
Teenage Girl #1: I know, but I still felt bad for her.

Minneapolis, McDonald’s
Overheard by Ginger.

Woman on the phone: No, it’s just a reserve reservation.

Minneapolis, Punch Pizza
Overheard by Free Pizza!

Ham Radio Enthusiast #1: Hey, what’s Thurgood Marshall up to these days, anyway?
Ham Radio Enthusiast #2: Well, he’s dead.
Ham Radio Enthusiast #1: Really? Oh, wait, that’s not who I’m thinking of! I meant, what’s his name, that racist guy?
Ham Radio Enthusiast #2: Strom Thurmond?
Ham Radio Enthusiast #1: Yeah! What’s he up to?
Ham Radio Enthusiast #2: Well, he’s dead, too.

Minneapolis, Burger Jones
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Girl in her early 20s, to boyfriend: Um, it says I’m psychic for the next three weeks.

Saint Paul, Costellos
Overheard by Hmmm.

College girl in line for burrito toppings: GOD, I JUST LOVE PROTEIN!!!

Minneapolis, Augsburg College Cafeteria
Overheard by Were you refering to sour cream or salsa?

Kid having breakfast with his family: We went to this great place called the White Castle!

Minneapolis, Uptown Bruegger’s
Overheard by Kumar.

Old man to old lady: You know, back then two dollar bills were for prostitutes.

Bloomington, Red Lobster
Overheard by i had no idea.

Senior citizen explaining newly learned technology to friends: Texting is like sending a telegraph over your phone.

St. Paul, Casa Vieja
Overheard by Weierd.

Customer consuming blueberry pancakes: This is a meal fit for Obama!

Minneapolis (Dinkytown), Al’s Breakfast
Overheard by Secret Service Nightmare.

Homeless Person to Other Homeless Person: You don’t count your money while you’re sitting at the table, so why you count your money while you’re sitting on the boulevard?

Minneapolis, McDonald’s, Dinkytown
Overheard by He smelled like tinkle.

Diner in next booth: It isn’t always the big fights on stage that hurts performers; there was one case where a woman got slapped every night for one run and she went deaf in her ear on that side. People don’t realize how important fight coordinators are for safety.

Saint Paul, Chatterbox in Highland
Overheard by Cat.

Elderly hockey fan surveying the crowd: These people all look so… Midwestern.

Bloomington, Joe Senser’s
Overheard by What did you expect?

Girl: Well, I never really understood Pride and Prejudice but I liked Bridget Jones’ Diary and they both have a Mr. Darcy and they both have Colin Firth in them.
Guy: Don’t worry, if you’ve read or seen Bridget Jones’ Diary then you’ve essentially read Pride and Prejudice.

Minneapolis, Butter
Overheard by Concerned English Major.

Woman to her male dinner companion: Is this the sort a place you came to when you were on the lam or are there too many people here?

Minneapolis, Rudolphs
Overheard by njs.

Young woman to slumped, unresponsive man: And so I was talking with them and everyone’s getting their turn at talking, but I was talking to them and we’re just talking, you know, and everything’s fine. You know? And I was talking because I’m talking, and I like to talk, I like to talk with them, and they’re talking. And I’m talking, and I don’t think I’m talking too much, because they’re talking. They’re talking, we’re all talking, I’m giving everyone their turn to talk because I don’t like to dominate the conversation.

Edina, Edina Grill
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Hipster at neighboring table: OOOhhh! THAT kind of mushroom farm. I thought you were talking about a legitimate mushroom farm.

St. Louis Park, Yangtze Restaurant
Overheard by hormelcooking.

Mom: What do you want to drink?
Little boy, about 6 years old: Beer!

St. Louis Park, Panera Bread
Overheard by I want one too.

Server, walking to the next birthday table after they sang to my dad: God, I hate doing this.

Burnsville, TGI Fridays
Overheard by I would too, if I had your job.

40 year old woman, to her family (including kids) as she enters: The only thing he’s good at is impregnating women.

St. Paul, a hole in the wall Italian restaurant
Overheard by More vino please.

13 year old boy: The secret is to find someone who has something wrong with them that you can deal with!

Saint Paul, La Cabana