Teen Girl #1, referring to Cab Calloway song playing from overhead speakers: Ugh! What IS this music?
Teen Girl# 2: Uh, Opera.

St. Paul, restroom in Mancini’s Char House and Lounge
Overheard by Coco.

20-something dude, while playing chess: It’s really hard to reassure someone that they are not a barracuda.

Minneapolis, Hard Times Cafe (Where else?)
Overheard by XprettyXsureXimXnotXaXbarracudaX.

Girl: So, he literally asks for heroin.
Guy: No way. What did you do?
Girl: Well, we didn’t hire him.

Minneapolis, Uptown Green Mill
Overheard by Where do you work?

Bartender: Alright, just need you to sign the bill.
Drunk 25-year old guy: Okay, but you better hold on to this signature. I’m gonna be famous. I’m gonna kill a lot of people someday. I’m gonna be more famous than Charlie Manson and Ted Bundy!

Minneapolis, Green Mill
Overheard by Should I report him?

Elderly man: I couldn’t do it myself.
Elderly woman: I’d imagine so!
Elderly man: So, I asked the pretty young nurse to help me out.
Elderly woman: That’s what they are there for!
Elderly man: All I needed her to do was hold back the flap of skin so I could get to it.

Rochester, restaurant in a retirement home
Overheard by Waitress running to kitchen to laugh.

Guy talking to two friends: I’m pretty much useless without a sword in my hands.

Minneapolis, Hard Times @ approx 2:30am
Overheard by glad he didn’t have a sword.

Elderly Woman, picking at her food: There’s no meat in this dish!
Elderly Man, eating his: Yep, they’re trying to murder us.

Saint Paul, Grand Shanghai Restaurant
Overheard by Should’ve ordered the General Tso’s.

Asian Guy: I only have a home phone.
White Co-Worker: No offense, but that’s strange; an Asian guy that DOESN’T own a cellphone?

Mankato, Buffalo Wild Wings
Overheard by D.R.B.

College Frat Boy to Buddy: So, if you had a clone of yourself and you had sex with it, would that make you gay or just be masturbating?

Minneapolis, Bun Mi Sandwiches
Overheard by Or With The Cloned Sheep?

Woman to co-workers: At first I was going to ask why that guy was walking an invisible dog but then I realized that he was blind.

Minneapolis, Monte Carlo
Overheard by My BlackBerry Is My Guide Dog.

Buddy #1: Is it strange that every time I walk past a Victoria’s Secret I get a boner?
Buddy #2: I am quitting this friendship.

Minneapolis, Figlio’s – Uptown
Overheard by Bartender wearing Body By Victoria.

Davanni’s take out girl, taking a credit card expiration date over phone, to co-worker: Is December, like, 11?

Golden Valley, Davanni’s
Overheard by Joe D.

Toddler: Daddy, Daddy! It’s Grandpa!!
Daddy: What? Where?
Toddler: Right there!! (points at TV.)
Daddy: No, buddy, that’s Brett Favre.

Crystal, Buffalo Wild Wings
Overheard by Ironic, who wonders if he could be his grandpa….

Teenage girl #1: What color is your Jetta?
Teenage girl #2: Black.
Teenage girl #1: Oh my God! I’m so jealous! Mine’s blue.

St Louis Park, Chipotle
Overheard by cady.

Male graduate student to his friend: This guy knew, like, everything about barnyard sex. He had an intimate knowledge of it; like, cows do it like this, and pigs do it like this, and goats, they do it like this.

Minneapolis, Tsunami Sushi in Stadium Village
Overheard by Not a farmer.

4 year old boy: Mom, is God real?
Mom: I dont know, Google it.

Minneapolis, In line at Arby’s
Overheard by When in doubt, use Google.

Guy on cell phone: Well, if you’re going to live the Sauk Centre lifestyle you’re going to end up with… problems.

Chaska, Subway
Overheard by I had no idea there was such a thing.

Woman: Is he straight?
Man: Yes. If you mean in a stalker way.

Minneapolis, Joe’s Garage
Overheard by glad I’m not the stalkee.

Jimmy John’s employees, very emphatically, to group of businessmen entering: Hi! Welcome to Jimmy John’s!
Man in group, halfway through the door, angrily turning to leave: God, I hate these people! I can’t take it!

Chanhassen, Jimmy John’s
Overheard by They really are overly enthusiastic.

College Girl #1: Ugh, my boyfriend won’t stop asking me to have a threesome with him and his best friend.
College Girl #2: Isn’t his best friend gay?
College Girl #1: THAT’S MY POINT!

Minneapolis, Stella’s Fish Cafe
Overheard by Uh Oh.