Posts Tagged ‘downtown’
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Where They Will Surely Have It
Very large woman in line (staring at menu board which clearly does not list chicken wild rice as a soup option): Um, I’ll have a bowl of chicken wild rice.
Employee: I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have that today.
Very large woman: You don’t have it? You always have it!
Employee: I’m sorry, we don’t have it today.
Very large woman: So you’re saying I can’t get chicken wild rice today?!
Employee (looking a bit bewildered): Yes, that’s what I’m saying.
Very large woman: This is bullshit! I’m going to McDonald’s!
Very large woman’s friend (to employee): I am so sorry.DT St Paul Macy’s Marketplace
Overheard by It must be frustrating to maintain that weight. -
I Bet She Got That Tip From Cosmo
Girl #1 in aisle looking at condoms: So, do you know what I did? I just waited till he fell asleep and got hard, then I looked under the sheets to see how big he was! Is that bad?
Girl #2: Um, yeah that’s pretty bad. How was he?
Girl #1: Well, I married him didn’t I?Downtown Target
Overheard by Does he have any brothers? -
Someone Should Tell The Blind They Can Read
Young Lady #1: You know, there are a bunch of blind people staying in the hotel.
Young Lady #2: Yeah, well that explains why my TV had closed captions on it.Lobby of the Four points Sheraton
Overheard by The boy your mom warned you about. -
It’s Called ‘Awesome’
Man (who at one time, wanted to be Zak Efron), speaking to his wife: There’s something about being able to walk into a store and buy a gun, a samuri sword and a bottle of liquor.
225 S. 6th Street, 12th floor
Overheard by way to be a badass! -
HOW CAN THAT BE?
Non-employee randomly standing in our hallway talking on cell phone: What time is it where you are? (pause, looking at watch). Oh, yeah, it’s 1:35 here too. You must be in the same time zone I am!
Cubeland, Downtown MPLS
Overheard by I wish I was half a time zone away from you. -
Sounds Refreshing!
Annoyed lady on cell phone in bathroom stall: Mmm hmmm, uh huh, mmm hmm, yep… oh before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?
Government Center
Overheard by I hope she’s not talking about me. -
But Mr. Rogers Wanted To Be Your Neighbor
Cube dweller to cube neighbor: You’re like Mr. Rogers because you wear a lot of cardigans. And because you’re my neighbor.
Downtown office
Overheard by JfA. -
Sometimes The Truth Is Stanky
Woman talking to new mother: What a cute baby! It’s a blessing to be around babies, it surely is. They so peaceful. It’s a blessing from Jesus Christ.
Mother: (inaudible)
Woman: He got a Biblical name! (does a little dance) …Jacob, Abraham, Isaac! You go, Abraham, and rewrite the Constitution, because they didn’t include nothing about blacks. Don’t understand why we gotta come to court no how. They gotta drag us in here against our will. Guess they couldn’t keep hanging us. Couldn’t keep raping our daughters. Now they press charges against the blacks for every little thing. Always arresting us, letting us go, arresting us again. Always bringing us to court, letting us go, bringing us back in to court. I know a guy who’s in jail over a little $15 check. I hate ‘em all. I hate lying, deceiving, perpetrating. But I don’t hate the truth. (attending to baby) Oh, he stanky! He stanky!Government Center, Minneapolis
Overheard by sxoidmal. -
Don’t Keep Us In Suspense
Guy #1: You should see what I did. I put up hanging plants.
Guy #2: I don’t care about your plants.
Guy #1: F*ck you. You won’t get invited to the zen garden.Downtown Minneapolis office building freight elevator
Overheard by Dan. -
Mouth, Meet Foot
Woman teammate trying to figure out other teammate’s sexual orientation: So, I saw you drive up with a guy and some kids.
Other teammate: That was my girlfriend.In the bathroom at Station 4
Overheard by At least now you know she’s a lesbian. -
That’s Why She Carries Glad Bags
Loud, obnoxious, pregnant girl in a skirt: I’m not wearing any underwear.
Seemingly-annoyed friend, sarcastically: Aren’t you afraid your baby’s going to fall out or something?fancy downtown Minneapolis restaurant
Overheard by what NOT to expect when you’re expecting. -
Is It 4:00 Yet?
Office lady #1 [explaining versions]: It’s hard to compare between the old and new.
Office lady #2: That’s why we do virgins… I mean versions.Meeting room in downtown St. Paul
Overheard by Fan of Freudian Slips. -
And I’m Totally Throwing A Sheep At You
Girl, pouting: You never write on my Facebook wall.
Guy: You’re right. What should I write, “Thanks for the blow job”?
Girl: *pause* NEVER write on my Facebook wall.Caribou Coffee, Downtown
Overheard by choked on my coffee at that. -
This Guy Gets A Lot Of Loogies In His Hamburgers
Man, picking up bilingual maraca toy for kids: Ooo! Your people use these! [turns to Asian woman next to him, she glares] Huh. They are both Spanish and English! Gonna get a lot of new workers for McDonalds outta these.
Downtown Target
Overheard by Disbelieving ears. -
Time To Set More Attainable Goals
Thug#1: Man, it feels good to be out. I ain’t ever goin’ back to jail!
Thug#2: Yeah.
Thug#1: Did I tell you Jane* called me last night?
Thug#2: No.
Thug#1: I didn’t answer though, I was too high.Government Center, Minneapolis
Overheard by please go back to jail. -
He’s Not Creepy
Guy in suit (to other guy in suit): Personally, I’d go for the cheerleader on top.
Gaviidae skyway
Overheard by choking on my latte. -
I Don’t Know, This Is Pretty Fun
Man who just arrived at urinal to other man peeing next to him: So, what do you feel like doing tonight?
Downtown bathroom
Overheard by JfA. -
Blinding
Elderly woman looking for her cell phone: Did you put it on vibrate?
Woman’s husband: What do you want? The vibrator?The Westin Hotel – Downtown
Overheard by a couple employees who thought we’d heard it all. -
Soon I’ll Be On Fries; Then The Grill
Older, apparently wiser Valet, to younger Valet who is sitting on the curb, nodding and listening intently: This is a process, with many steps. See me now? I was once where you are.
Hennepin and 6th underground parking ramp
Overheard by I was once sitting on a curb myself. -
Shit Just Keeps Getting Weirder
Thug: Going shopping!
Thugette: Fruitcake!
Thug (trying to sound gay): Going shopping with your sister… That’s so sweet! Color co-ordinating… She a Blood today!16 headed downtown from campus
Overheard by ORLY.
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