Girl, pouting: You never write on my Facebook wall.
Guy: You’re right. What should I write, “Thanks for the blow job”?
Girl: *pause* NEVER write on my Facebook wall.

Caribou Coffee, Downtown
Overheard by choked on my coffee at that.

Man, picking up bilingual maraca toy for kids: Ooo!  Your people use these! [turns to Asian woman next to him, she glares] Huh.  They are both Spanish and English! Gonna get a lot of new workers for McDonalds outta these.

Downtown Target
Overheard by Disbelieving ears.

Thug#1: Man, it feels good to be out.  I ain’t ever goin’ back to jail!
Thug#2: Yeah.
Thug#1: Did I tell you Jane* called me last night?
Thug#2: No.
Thug#1: I didn’t answer though, I was too high.

Government Center, Minneapolis
Overheard by please go back to jail.

Guy in suit (to other guy in suit): Personally, I’d go for the cheerleader on top.

Gaviidae skyway
Overheard by choking on my latte.

Man who just arrived at urinal to other man peeing next to him: So, what do you feel like doing tonight?

Downtown bathroom
Overheard by JfA.

Elderly woman looking for her cell phone: Did you put it on vibrate?
Woman’s husband: What do you want? The vibrator?

The Westin Hotel - Downtown
Overheard by a couple employees who thought we’d heard it all.

Older, apparently wiser Valet, to younger Valet who is sitting on the curb, nodding and listening intently: This is a process, with many steps. See me now? I was once where you are.

Hennepin and 6th underground parking ramp
Overheard by I was once sitting on a curb myself.

Thug: Going shopping!
Thugette: Fruitcake!
Thug (trying to sound gay): Going shopping with your sister… That’s so sweet!  Color co-ordinating…  She a Blood today!

16 headed downtown from campus
Overheard by ORLY.

Girl: I don’t want to live in the boondocks, I want to live in the city. Like, really in the city.
Guy friend: Like where?
Girl: White Bear Lake.

Metrodome
Overheard by slolee.

Older female coworker, opening the door of another coworker’s office: Hi.  I’m not trying to be an asshole.

225 South 6th St, 12th floor
Overheard by Well, what then?

Admin Assistant #1: I look like a slutty lion!!
Admin Assistant #2: Well lucky you… I look like a creepy, dying bug with horrible hair.

Downtown Office Building
Overheard by a creepy, dying, slutty lion bug… with great hair.

Dude #1: I have this new downstairs neighbor who I’ve never seen.  It could very well be Bono.
Dude #2: Or The Edge.
Dude #1: Yeah, or The Edge!

Walking down 5th street after the Twins game
Overheard by Not U2.

Girl #1:  Giiiiiiirl, you know I got pregnant again.
Girl #2:  Who the daddy be?
Girl #1:  You know that Asian boy I always be with at John’s* parties?
Girl #2:  That baby be cute, be like a little Tiger Woods blackanasian baby, but girl, you know you got to get an abortion.
Girl #1:  Nah, my momma says she help me take care of this one.

in line at a the Block E Movie Theater downtown Minneapolis
Overheard by Joseph Howell.

Open-Minded Woman: We all ignore Velveeta because we grew up with it; it’s like we don’t even think about it anymore.
Unfortunate friend:  Yeah.
Open-Minded Woman:  I mean, if Velveeta were something from some other society I think we would all look at it as something special.

Skyway between Macy’s/IDS
Overheard by Re-thinking Velveeta.

Lady #1:  What you say?
Lady #2, pushing stroller, very deliberately:  I SAID… I’d cut that bitch with a spoon.
Lady #1:  Uh huh.

Pizza Hut in downtown Minneapolis Target
Overheard by staying away from the cutlery section.

Drunk guy in bar: SO I’M A RAPIST!

Station 4
Overheard by Not walking to my car by myself tonight.

Middle-aged businessman: The bomb sniffing dogs are at the briefcase right now.

Sixth St. and 2nd Ave., Downtown Minneapolis
Overheard by uh, what building is this at?

Guy to friend: Whatever happens in a hotel stays in a hotel. But whatever happens in Job Corps does NOT stay in Job Corps.

Nicollet Mall

Loud drunk girls get on the bus and sit in the front-most seats. After deliberating over whether “el transfero” is the correct Spanish word for a transfer…
St. Patty’s Day Princess: I need lipstick now! PEOPLE ARE STARING AT ME.
Friend: That’s not why people are staring at you.

Bus from Downtown St. Paul to MoA
Overheard by ORLY.

Preschool boy: Why is today St. Patrick’s day?
Daddy: Because God doesn’t like us getting drunk on Sundays.

Downtown St. Paul
Overheard by …but he’s okay with it any other day of the week.