Sloshed loud dude talking to randoms: I’m a Jewish Beatles freak!

Greenmill Uptown
Overheard by who cares.

Drunk man: Holy Jesus on methamphetamine!  My secret is… hmm… I wet myself.  (Giggles)  All over; very messy.  No survivors.

Target
Overheard by Momo.

Very drunk and trendy girl, slurring to her two friends who were previously helping her stand: No, I work for the fire department, you guys, we’re getting a ride back on that! (Points to the fire truck in the road and starts to stagger towards it)

Block E
Overheard by Shannon.

Shaggy-haired drunk guy: …So i asked him, “Do you wanna be a rocker, or do you wanna go to college!?

Burrito Loco - Dinkytown
Overheard by …both?

50-something Man With Arms Raised Drunkenly Scream-Slurring to Friends: I’M GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH MY WIFE TONIGHT!

Basilica Block Party
Overheard by Glad I’m Not His Wife…

Drunk Guy: You guys have a very limited burrito selection.
Clerk: Oh, well, why do you say that?
Drunk Guy: All you have is breakfast burritos. (pause) I think I have STDs.
Clerk: Why do you say that?
Drunk Guy: ‘Cause my penis hurts. (walks out)

Holiday on Broadway in Forest Lake
Overheard by Stay away from my burritos…

Extremely intoxicated old man wearing a Vietnam vet hat: The truth always prevails, even when you lie about it.
Young creeped out girl sitting next to him: Dude, get away from me!

Joe and Stans bar Saint Paul
Overheard by Bar Patron.

One wasted musician to another: I don’t know how she got pregnant. She must have sat down on my computer sock.

Renegades in Burnsville
Overheard by an equally drunk patron.

20 something guy to female friend: I’ll introduce you to him if you find a nice girl for me to meet. Myspace just isn’t cutting it anymore.
Random Intoxicated Girl: Myspace? Are you on Facebook? You should add me! My name is Debbie, like little Debbie Snacks!

Route 16 headed downtown
Overheard by why would you introduce yourself as little debbie snacks??

Drunk girl walking by on cell phone: Nah, I fled the scene.  I wasn’t sticking around for that shit.  I hopped a couple fences and now I’m going to the CC club. They can kiss my white Irish ass.

22nd and Aldrich
Overheard by you just can’t make this shit up.

Loud, obnoxious drunk: Hey, can you make me a Pink Cadillac?
Bartender: Uh, I’m not sure that I…
Drunk: Well, how ’bout a mojito?
Bartender: A mojito? Sure, I can–
Drunk: Aw, I’m just kiddin’ with ya. This guy said I looked GAY!!

The Strip Club, St Paul
Overheard by Jeremy Q. Afterglide.

Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.

Outside Muddy Waters
Overheard by Hah!

Old guy to a total stranger who was celebrating his 40th Birthday: When you’re young you can make love to six women at a time, but when you’re old you can only make love to three women at a time.
Birthday Boy: Three women is plenty for me.
Old Guy: Don’t tell anyone I said that to you.

Mancini’s in St. Paul
Overheard by Coco.

Drunken fool: So, have you killed anyone lately?
Bartender: (blank stare) What?
Drunken fool: Have you killed anyone lately?
Bartender: No, not lately. (walks away)
Drunken fool: (eagerly glances to woman beside him, hoping she is impressed) That is the best question EVER.

King and I Thai
Overheard by Bartender, can I have another.

Intoxicated chap: Dude, come on - everyone does it on the internet!

Park Tavern
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Drunk Guy: I need some beer RIGHT NOW, or else I’m going to DIE.

u of m- superblock
Overheard by that does sound like a dire emergency.

Drunk college kid: Dude, this one time I ate a whole bag of Cheetos by myself and my poop was orange the next day!

u of m, spring jam 08
Overheard by are we 21 or 2?

Drunk College Senior Girl: I was two for the 1987 World Series.
“Old” Guy: Really? I was nineteen.
Drunk College Senior Girl: Well, you don’t look that old!

Stub and Herbs
Overheard by: t.ro

Drunk Guy: Man, my balls hurt from having this hard thing bouncing around between them.

u of m- superblock
Overheard by i assume you’re talking about a bottle of beer.

Drunk Man: How old are you, old man?
Old Man: *mumbling* Older than dirt.
Drunk Man: Older than dirt! Is that older than 65? (turning to younger man across the aisle) How young are you, old man?

17 bus, 3:00 in the afternoon