Posts Tagged ‘drunks’
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She Didn’t Say Anything About The Walk Back
Inebriated woman to her man: Don’t be swinging your thang on your way there. Walk straight to the damn store.
Minneapolis, 18 Bus
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Those Prayer Hands Look A Lot Like Vomit
Intoxicated Older Bus Passenger: I’m a born again alcoholic! I got prayer hands on my shirt. That means I pray every day.
Minneapolis, 21 bus
Overheard by QuoteRadar. -
They All Look The Same After The Sixth Beer
Drunk Bennie #1: So, which guy do you want tonight?
Drunk Bennie #2: You know, I don’t really care.Collegeville, outside St. John’s football stadium
Overheard by not-so-drunk Tommie girls. -
She’s Busy
Drunk boy who wouldn’t stop talking: Where’s that Martha Washington when you need her?
Richfield, Fireworks
Overheard by DK. -
Can’t Take It With You
Old drunken male Twins fan to drunk young female Twins fan dancing against a pole: Look, I don’t have much life left in me, sweetie, so how about I give you $20 and you can come over here and do that to me. (ten minutes later) I’ll make it $40.
Minneapolis, Lightrail
Overheard by Best. Grandpa. Ever. -
Confession Drunk
Grizzly man riding bicycle with cardboard box under arm: I’m so drunk my bicycle’s drunk! I’m a female!
Minneapolis, Loring Park Bike Path
Overheard by oh? -
He Raises A Valid Point
Guy, in reference to the Breathalyzers at a street stand: Wait, why would we want to pay money to see how wasted we are when we could be using it to buy more booze?
St. Paul, Grand Old Day
Overheard by still cognizant. -
She’s Still Waiting For Them To Come Back
Drunk white lady in sun dress: I happen to like the West Bank, ‘cuz my spaceship landed here back in the day.
Minneapolis, Hard Times Cafe, 3:20 am
Overheard by Professor Leah. -
It’s The Only Reason I Work There
Loud (maybe drunk) lady: I take the water in my Orange Julius and replace it with vodka.
Blaine, Cub parking lot
Overheard by supertoyz. -
He Had Me At Shit
Drunk Guy #1: What should we do for the rest of the night!?
Drunk Guy #2: I might just go to a movie.
Drunk Guy #1: Yeah, well, I might just shit my pants and throw my boxers in the trash can.Minneapolis, VFW on Lyndale
Overheard by Amber. -
His Liver Is More Impressive Than His Checkbook
Drunk Guy in Detox: I’m from Edina. I can pay drinking tickets like this, this and that. You should be impressed how many I’ve already paid.
St. Paul, University of St. Thomas Public Safety
Overheard by Poor in Comparison. -
When Will Life Cut These Guys A Break?
Drunk Young Corporate Dude #1: How come real-life lesbians are never as hot as they are in movies?
Drunk Young Corporate Dude #2: Yeah, like, my girlfriend hangs out with good looking gay dudes all the time, and I am totally cool with it. Shouldn’t I get to hang out with hot lesbians?Minneapolis, Brit’s Pub
Overheard by Bartender. -
Just Don’t Do It Here
Bartender: Alright, just need you to sign the bill.
Drunk 25-year old guy: Okay, but you better hold on to this signature. I’m gonna be famous. I’m gonna kill a lot of people someday. I’m gonna be more famous than Charlie Manson and Ted Bundy!Minneapolis, Green Mill
Overheard by Should I report him? -
That’s One Good Reason
Angry Drunk Chick To Boyfriend: Todd*, when I say I want to fuck in public, I mean it! (woman walks by) Whoa, lady… I’m so sorry you had to hear that. (pauses) Todd! Why didn’t you do it!
Minneapolis, Corner of 3rd Ave N and 2nd St
Overheard by My BlackBerry Is Just Glad It Didn’t Have To See It. -
Let’s Hope The Fence Was Electric
Extraordinarily drunk guy, while peeing on a fence: BEHOLD! The wonders of my PBR sprinkler!!!
NE Minneapolis, House party
Overheard by I refer to it as my “godstick”. -
Does It Count When You Do It Yourself?
Loud 20-something drunk kid to friends as they walk back into the bar: Man, dude. No, I get my ass grabbed, like, at LEAST five times per day!
Eden Prairie, Old Chicago
Overheard by Somehow, I doubt that. -
WE’RE GENIUSES!
Drunk 20-something guy #1: I’m gonna say I’m a bee keeper.
Drunk 20-something guy #2: I’ll say I’m a gynocologist.
Drunk 20-something guy #3 (laughing): Who gets the honey!
Drunk 20-something guy #4: That’s our line for the night!Plymouth, Old Chicago
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Have Another Brownie
Drunk early-20′s girl #1: Look at that! Just look at it!!!
Drunk early-20′s girl #2: What?
Drunk early-20′s girl #1: Turn around and just look!
Drunk early-20′s girl #2: Yeah.
Drunk early-20′s girl #1: Downtown fucking Minneapolis! It’s beautiful.
Drunk early-20′s girl #2: I don’t know what you’re talking about.Minneapolis, Basilica Block Party
Overheard by Vision Fail. -
At Least They’re Not Driving
Drunk 18 yr old or so girl to her drunk friends: Hey guys! My dad’s home, and he’s got weed!
Lightrail train
Overheard by Hell in a handbasket. -
Getting Through The 5 Stages Of Grief
Intoxicated Dude: I swear to God, this is my last beer. I SWEAR TO GOD!!!
Minneapolis, Green Mill
Overheard by An Invisible fiend.
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