Loud (maybe drunk) lady: I take the water in my Orange Julius and replace it with vodka.

Blaine, Cub parking lot
Overheard by supertoyz.

Drunk Guy #1: What should we do for the rest of the night!?
Drunk Guy #2: I might just go to a movie.
Drunk Guy #1: Yeah, well, I might just shit my pants and throw my boxers in the trash can.

Minneapolis, VFW on Lyndale
Overheard by Amber.

Drunk Guy in Detox: I’m from Edina. I can pay drinking tickets like this, this and that. You should be impressed how many I’ve already paid.

St. Paul, University of St. Thomas Public Safety
Overheard by Poor in Comparison.

Drunk Young Corporate Dude #1: How come real-life lesbians are never as hot as they are in movies?
Drunk Young Corporate Dude #2: Yeah, like, my girlfriend hangs out with good looking gay dudes all the time, and I am totally cool with it. Shouldn’t I get to hang out with hot lesbians?

Minneapolis, Brit’s Pub
Overheard by Bartender.

Bartender: Alright, just need you to sign the bill.
Drunk 25-year old guy: Okay, but you better hold on to this signature. I’m gonna be famous. I’m gonna kill a lot of people someday. I’m gonna be more famous than Charlie Manson and Ted Bundy!

Minneapolis, Green Mill
Overheard by Should I report him?

Angry Drunk Chick To Boyfriend: Todd*, when I say I want to fuck in public, I mean it! (woman walks by) Whoa, lady… I’m so sorry you had to hear that. (pauses) Todd! Why didn’t you do it!

Minneapolis, Corner of 3rd Ave N and 2nd St
Overheard by My BlackBerry Is Just Glad It Didn’t Have To See It.

Extraordinarily drunk guy, while peeing on a fence: BEHOLD! The wonders of my PBR sprinkler!!!

NE Minneapolis, House party
Overheard by I refer to it as my “godstick”.

Loud 20-something drunk kid to friends as they walk back into the bar: Man, dude. No, I get my ass grabbed, like, at LEAST five times per day!

Eden Prairie, Old Chicago
Overheard by Somehow, I doubt that.

Drunk 20-something guy #1: I’m gonna say I’m a bee keeper.
Drunk 20-something guy #2: I’ll say I’m a gynocologist.
Drunk 20-something guy #3 (laughing): Who gets the honey!
Drunk 20-something guy #4: That’s our line for the night!

Plymouth, Old Chicago

Drunk early-20’s girl #1: Look at that! Just look at it!!!
Drunk early-20’s girl #2: What?
Drunk early-20’s girl #1: Turn around and just look!
Drunk early-20’s girl #2: Yeah.
Drunk early-20’s girl #1: Downtown fucking Minneapolis! It’s beautiful.
Drunk early-20’s girl #2: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Minneapolis, Basilica Block Party
Overheard by Vision Fail.

Drunk 18 yr old or so girl to her drunk friends: Hey guys! My dad’s home, and he’s got weed!

Lightrail train
Overheard by Hell in a handbasket.

Intoxicated Dude: I swear to God, this is my last beer. I SWEAR TO GOD!!!

Minneapolis, Green Mill
Overheard by An Invisible fiend.

Hammered Bro, table hopping, interrupting: People don’t like me because I’m always interrupting and I haven’t had a girlfriend in 7 years; can I finish my drink with you guys?
Innocent bystander: Uhh, bottoms up?
Hammered Bro, pensive, leaving: God. I used to be somebody.

Downtime, Minneapolis
Overheard by He coulda been a contendah.

Drunk man to female stranger: I like you. And your tattoos. And your tits.

Minneapolis, Rock the Garden
Overheard by bet she’s never heard that one before.

Very drunk 20-something girl: Do you have any tattoos?
Sober male friend: No. Do you?
Very drunk girl: Yeah.
Sober male friend: That’s cool.
Very drunk girl: No, it’s not. I have a 2-year old.

Minneapolis, Light Rail
Overheard by I didn’t realize there was a correlation…

Slightly drunken father-of-the-graduate: Well, Andy’s got a job over at Best Buy. He works in the electronics department.

Eagan, Graduation Party
Overheard by not the fabric department?

Pro-shop girl: So, it will be $22 for the round and the cart.
Dude who looks drunk: Can I write you a check?
Pro-shop girl: No, sorry, we can’t take checks.
Dude who looks drunk: But I’m financially unstable.
Pro-shop girl: Sorry.
Dude who looks drunk: But I’m a compulsive gambler.

Minneapolis, Golf Course
Overheard by Then maybe you shouldn’t be drunk or golfing…

Drunk blonde trying to unlock bike, to men across the street: Rubadubdub three man in a bus stop!

Minneapolis, Nicollet and 15th Street
Overheard by So this is what is like when someone else is drunk.

Drunken Milwaukee Brewers fan: If your parents can name you Prince, that’s saying something about you.

Metrodome – Twins/Brewers game
Overheard by I don’t think it’s saying what you think it’s saying.