Officer, to sleeping guy in bathroom stall: Hey, are you okay?
Drunk guy: Yep, I’m cool.
Officer: You need to come out of there.
Drunk guy: Hold on, I’m playing poker with all my buddies in here. They suck at it!

MSP Airport
Overheard by Luckily I didn’t use that stall.

Drunk girl: I’m so sick of going to the bathroom.

Minneapolis, The Local
Overheard by …tragic.

Half drunk man at the bar: Why are you wearing a teardrop on a necklace?  Did you kill someone?
Young woman waiting for a drink: It’s from Tiffany’s.

St. Paul, Plum’s Bar
Overheard by But did you kill someone to get it?

Drunk 20-something girl to club bouncer (slurring): Shake it like a salt shaker!

Downtown Minneapolis, outside a club near the metrodome
Overheard by umm no thanks.

Boyfriend: My drunk girlfriend seems to like it.
Drunk girlfriend stumbles back into the bar after being led out of the kitchen: Whaaa? What the fuck?!
Boyfriend: Let’s go towards the exit.

Uptown, Green Mill
Overheard by witnessed their domestic in the parking lot.  True love.

Obama campaign volunteer getting out the vote: Sir! Have you voted today?
Drunk incoherent man on the street at 5pm (slurred): I ain’t even had sex in 10 months!

Minneapolis, Nicollet Ave
Overheard by Sure hope he’s gettin’ some now.

Older drunk man to 20-something reading a book in a bar: Man, you’re reading a book in a bar!?  What a rebel!
20-something: Thank you?

St. Paul, Eagle Street Grille
Overheard by I admired him.

Drunk man: I just really want a f-ckin’ vagina!
Drunk woman: Like sparkly pink neon!

Minneapolis, Kieran’s
Overheard by I’m sure you do.

Drunk guy: I would eat a human in a heart beat. I would eat a human’s heart beat.

Minneapolis, 26th & Blaisdell
Overheard by Roscoe the Beagle.

Drunk girl: So, I wrote a folk song about Christopher Reeves; post paralysis, pre death.  So, it’s not quite as depressing.  Wanna hear it?

University of Minnesota
Overheard by uhhh YES.

Middle aged drunk woman to tween in elevator PACKED full of people: So, what are you doing here?
Tween: We’re here for Faith on Fire, a national Christian youth convention.
Drunk woman to friend: Ohhhh Noelle! Aren’t you here for the Buddhist monk convention? (Asians in back grimace)
Tween: I appreciate your humor, lady.  (immediately gets off elevator)
Drunk woman:  So, do you think my Sam’s Club card will get us into the Penthouse Suite?

Minneapolis, Downtown ritzy hotel
Overheard by I’m drunk now, so this may be funnier to me.

Drunk Asian kid entering kitchen at party: I just went to use the bathroom, but there was some weird Asian girl waiting outside the door.
Sober, bitter girl: Are you sure it wasn’t just a mirror?

University of Minnesota
Overheard by Bitter girl’s roommate.

Drunk Indian girl: I wanna Sprite!
Girl’s boyfriend: I’d like a Sprite too, please.
Drunk girl: NO ICE! Indian girl no like the ice!

Minneapolis, Arby’s
Overheard by Irish girl do like the ice.

Drunk girl in bathroom: Why doesn’t he love me?  I just want him to love me like I love him.  IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO LOVE ME?

Northfield, Carleton
Overheard by It just might be.

Drunk #1, enjoying a 12 pack of Natural Ice at 10 a.m: How many beers you drink of mine?
Drunk #2 (angry): See this beer right here?  That’s my only one cause I been sober for two weeks.

Saint Paul, 280 and University
Overheard by berrywise.

20 year old white guy: Ugh. Now you’re all high, and I’m all drunk, and… I need to get some new friends.
20 year old friend: Just smoke some weed, instead.

Minneapolis, Amazing Thailand
Overheard by i love the waitresses here.

Really Drunk Girl That Won’t Stop Bumping Into Me: Hold on, I have a little vomit in my mouth. Ok.

TMBG Concert, First Ave
Overheard by Could you keep it in there, please?

Drunk guy to friend: I’m just sticking with beer since I’m driving.

Minneapolis, Hexagon Bar
Overheard by tell that to the officer.

Drunk, social person: I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just a social drunk!

Minneapolis, Casey’s Bar
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Freshman girl #1: I don’t know why I’m still getting hangovers. I drank the last six nights in a row.
Freshman girl #2: Yeah. You’d totally expect your tolerance to be better after that.

U of M Campus
Overheard by maybe she has a little bit too much captain in her.