One wasted musician to another: I don’t know how she got pregnant. She must have sat down on my computer sock.

Renegades in Burnsville
Overheard by an equally drunk patron.

20 something guy to female friend: I’ll introduce you to him if you find a nice girl for me to meet. Myspace just isn’t cutting it anymore.
Random Intoxicated Girl: Myspace? Are you on Facebook? You should add me! My name is Debbie, like little Debbie Snacks!

Route 16 headed downtown
Overheard by why would you introduce yourself as little debbie snacks??

Drunk girl walking by on cell phone: Nah, I fled the scene.  I wasn’t sticking around for that shit.  I hopped a couple fences and now I’m going to the CC club. They can kiss my white Irish ass.

22nd and Aldrich
Overheard by you just can’t make this shit up.

Loud, obnoxious drunk: Hey, can you make me a Pink Cadillac?
Bartender: Uh, I’m not sure that I…
Drunk: Well, how ’bout a mojito?
Bartender: A mojito? Sure, I can–
Drunk: Aw, I’m just kiddin’ with ya. This guy said I looked GAY!!

The Strip Club, St Paul
Overheard by Jeremy Q. Afterglide.

Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.

Outside Muddy Waters
Overheard by Hah!

Old guy to a total stranger who was celebrating his 40th Birthday: When you’re young you can make love to six women at a time, but when you’re old you can only make love to three women at a time.
Birthday Boy: Three women is plenty for me.
Old Guy: Don’t tell anyone I said that to you.

Mancini’s in St. Paul
Overheard by Coco.

Drunken fool: So, have you killed anyone lately?
Bartender: (blank stare) What?
Drunken fool: Have you killed anyone lately?
Bartender: No, not lately. (walks away)
Drunken fool: (eagerly glances to woman beside him, hoping she is impressed) That is the best question EVER.

King and I Thai
Overheard by Bartender, can I have another.

Intoxicated chap: Dude, come on - everyone does it on the internet!

Park Tavern
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Drunk Guy: I need some beer RIGHT NOW, or else I’m going to DIE.

u of m- superblock
Overheard by that does sound like a dire emergency.

Drunk college kid: Dude, this one time I ate a whole bag of Cheetos by myself and my poop was orange the next day!

u of m, spring jam 08
Overheard by are we 21 or 2?

Drunk College Senior Girl: I was two for the 1987 World Series.
“Old” Guy: Really? I was nineteen.
Drunk College Senior Girl: Well, you don’t look that old!

Stub and Herbs
Overheard by: t.ro

Drunk Guy: Man, my balls hurt from having this hard thing bouncing around between them.

u of m- superblock
Overheard by i assume you’re talking about a bottle of beer.

Drunk Man: How old are you, old man?
Old Man: *mumbling* Older than dirt.
Drunk Man: Older than dirt! Is that older than 65? (turning to younger man across the aisle) How young are you, old man?

17 bus, 3:00 in the afternoon

Annoying drunk girl behind me talking to her friend: So, then she took off all her clothes and I grabbed her boob! Oh, by the way this is his girlfriend!

Bogarts in Apple Valley
Overheard by Curios as to what happened at the beginning of this story.

Male talking sexual to a female friend at a bar while  drinking and taking shots: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.

Corner Bar - Minneapolis
Overheard by friends of both.

Man, after drunkenly throwing his slice of pizza into the street then retrieving and eating it: I’m just so hungry!

Mesa Pizza in Dinkytown
Overheard by tron.

Drunk Guy: Where the fuck is the milk jug?

Cheap Seats, Metrodome
Overheard by slolee.

Drunk guy talking a little too loudly to his friend at the bar: Man, I can’t WAIT to go to your funeral!

Hoggsbreath - Roseville
Overheard by it should be a smashing good time.

Teenage girl: I ain’t a fuckin’ alcoholic. An alcoholic is someone who… man, fuck you, I ain’t even been drunk in a fuckin’ week, fuck.

the 19
Overheard by why are you slurring?

Liquor Store Clerk: That’ll be $18.52.
Old Drunk: $18.52. That makes me think of the old rhyme “In 1852 Columbus sailed the ocean blue.”
Liquor Store Clerk: I don’t know if that’s right. Wasn’t it 1752?
Old Drunk: Could be. (turns to man behind him in line) Do you know what we’re talking about?
Other man: Columbus? Yeah, I think it was 1492 you’re thinking of.
Old Drunk: Really? Well at least I had the one and the two right…

Liquor Store
Overheard by D.R.B.