Posts Tagged ‘drunks’
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What Went Wrong?
Hammered Bro, table hopping, interrupting: People don’t like me because I’m always interrupting and I haven’t had a girlfriend in 7 years; can I finish my drink with you guys?
Innocent bystander: Uhh, bottoms up?
Hammered Bro, pensive, leaving: God. I used to be somebody.Downtime, Minneapolis
Overheard by He coulda been a contendah. -
But That’s About It
Drunk man to female stranger: I like you. And your tattoos. And your tits.
Minneapolis, Rock the Garden
Overheard by bet she’s never heard that one before. -
I Let Her Give Them To Me
Very drunk 20-something girl: Do you have any tattoos?
Sober male friend: No. Do you?
Very drunk girl: Yeah.
Sober male friend: That’s cool.
Very drunk girl: No, it’s not. I have a 2-year old.Minneapolis, Light Rail
Overheard by I didn’t realize there was a correlation… -
When Did They Expand?
Slightly drunken father-of-the-graduate: Well, Andy’s got a job over at Best Buy. He works in the electronics department.
Eagan, Graduation Party
Overheard by not the fabric department? -
And The Reason We Don’t Take Checks
Pro-shop girl: So, it will be $22 for the round and the cart.
Dude who looks drunk: Can I write you a check?
Pro-shop girl: No, sorry, we can’t take checks.
Dude who looks drunk: But I’m financially unstable.
Pro-shop girl: Sorry.
Dude who looks drunk: But I’m a compulsive gambler.Minneapolis, Golf Course
Overheard by Then maybe you shouldn’t be drunk or golfing… -
It Rhymed In Her Head
Drunk blonde trying to unlock bike, to men across the street: Rubadubdub three man in a bus stop!
Minneapolis, Nicollet and 15th Street
Overheard by So this is what is like when someone else is drunk. -
Just Until The Liquid
CourageAsshole Wears OffDrunk guy #1, in a fight: Pull your pants up, you pansy!
Drunk guy #2: I ain’t a faggot, I’m a warrior!Minneapolis, Triple Rock, Social Club and venue
Overheard by An eager fan trying to get into the venue. -
Yes, It Sure Would
Drunken Milwaukee Brewers fan: If your parents can name you Prince, that’s saying something about you.
Metrodome – Twins/Brewers game
Overheard by I don’t think it’s saying what you think it’s saying. -
Neither Is Leeann Chin
Semi-drunk fellow: Yeah! And that stupid chick tried to tell me that Leeann Chin was her aunt!
Semi-drunk friend: Well, you believed her, didn’t you?
Semi-drunk fellow: NO! I pretended to so I’d get some. I mean, she isn’t even Asian!Maple Grove, house party
Overheard by Leeann’s chin. -
Nothing Can Cure That Kind Of Lonliness
Very drunk guy: I need some Bisquick. What if I get lonely?
Minneapolis, Gangchen
Overheard by Critty. -
The World Revolves Around Someone New Every Day
Slightly drunk middle aged woman: I don’t think poor people deserve dental care. I just end up paying too much then.
Minneapolis, CC Club
Overheard by Amused&confused. -
The World Would Be So Boring Without This Guy
Not the most sober old guy: (to passing lady) Happy early Mother’s Day to you! (to no one in particular) That’s what I tell these guys out here. You can’t disrespect a lady because it all goes back to your mama. A mothers love is… (Another lady passes by) Oh damn woman! I’m afraid of you! Why you shaking and no fries? That ain’t McDonalds! I’m calling Oprah on you… No! Tyra! AND, a happy early Mother’s Day to you!
Minneapolis, 7th & Hennepin
Overheard by Iainchu Mama. -
Or If You Weren’t As Hot
Drunk guy to drunk girl: If you were a guy you would completely intolerable.
St. Paul, Eagles Club (Drinking With Ian taping)
Overheard by Wednesday. -
Why Wouldn’t You?
Drunk 24(ish) year old girl being supported by 2 drunk friends while walking down street: He proposed to me, but why the fuck would I want to move to Canada?
Minneapolis, Dinkytown
Overheard by Damn Canadians! -
The Answer Is Usually Cheese
Drunk dude wearing aviators: I like to smell my own farts to see what I am lacking nutritionally.
Minneapolis, 26th & E. Franklin
Overheard by Just don’t do it around me when I’m eating. -
Bad Drunk Comes Later
Tiny drunk girl to other drunk girl: I’m drunk right now, but not like bad drunk… more like good drunk.
St. Paul, MN Wild Game
Overheard by I beg to differ on the good drunk… -
Hooters Is More Of A Challenge
Drunk guy: Man ’cause of this construction shit now I hafta walk TWO MORE blocks to Hooters, y’hear me? TWO BITCHIN’ BLOCKS.
Bus driver: On the upside, now you’re two blocks closer to Deja Vu.Minneapolis, the 16 @ Hennepin & Washington
Overheard by are you 2 blocks closer or farther away from home? -
Yahoo Answers Is Not The Place For Research
Drunk dude at bar: She didn’t like him because he is a gender racist.
Minneapolis, CC Club
Overheard by Uh, do you mean “sexist”? -
Think About That For A Second
One drunk guy to his drunk friend: Sushi and miracle grow is the basis for my bone structure.
Minneapolis, on a front stoop
Overheard by a neighbor. -
Maybe That’s What Is Missing From Our Prisons
Drunk Dude wearing aviators and dirty PBR hat: I’m just saying, smile more at everyone you pass on the sidewalk. Maybe they will be less inclined to rape someone.
Minneapolis, 28th and Dupont
Overheard by You just raped my mind.
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