Posts Tagged ‘drunks’
Drunk Guy sitting at the bar: Dude, I am, like, the most successful out of anyone in my family. Hands down. The rest of them are just, like, white trash living out in trailers.
Friend: Yeah man, that’s awesome.
Drunk Guy: I have to go piss.
Friend: You going to the bathroom?
Drunk Guy: No, I am going out in the alley man. That’s how I do it. Do you want to come with? I mean I won’t look or anything.
Saint Paul, The Nook
Overheard by Most succesful huh?
Drunk bro #1 in bathroom talking to guy in the stall: I’ll just wait for you. You poop then I’ll poop.
Drunk bro #2, guy in stall: (silence, minor grunting)
Drunk bro #1: I’ll run some water for you, so you don’t have to hear it.
Drunk bro #2: That smells, dude. No, it smells healthy, like beefsteak.
St Paul, Billy’s On Grand
Overheard by i picked the wrong time to take a leak.
Guy in a group lead by a drunk girl: Are you sure this is the building?
Drunk Girl: Yeah, this is the right building. We screwed up once, we won’t screw up again. (walks face first into door frame)
Minneapolis, City Center
Overheard by Homeless Mike.
Drink girl to friend: Seriously! I need to get better at being incognito drunk!
Minneapolis, The Library
Overheard by a.lil.
Crowd of drunken dudes: Hey! That guy’s wearing a Red Sox hat!
Red Sox fan: Well, I grew up in Massachusetts.
Drunk dude: Well, I grew up in Chicago, but you don’t see me wearing a Red Sox hat!
Minneapolis, Tracy’s Saloon
Homeless-looking guy, drinking Karkov vodka straight from the bottle in the back of the bus: Yo, dude.
Drunk friend: Dude! You the pro at that shit. You the pro!
Homeless-looking guy: (takes drink of Karkov) Yo, I know. I know.
Minneapolis, Bus 50
Overheard by a.lil.
Drunk 20-something to friend: My boobs are too ginormous.
Hopeful drunk 20-something male friend: Your boobs are too generous?!
Minneapolis, Sgt. Prestons
Overheard by I’m not drunk enough for this.
Drunk man #1 (while throwing down pool cue): It’s over! I did it.
Drunk man #2: Did what?
Drunk man #1: I got the 9 ball in!
Drunk man #2: Isn’t it supposed to be the 8 ball?
Drunk man #1 (while walking away from pool table back toward bar): Dude! I don’t know how MANY balls are on the table!
Minneapolis, Railstation Bar & Grill
Overheard by relizjones.
Drunk girl at bar, struggling to stay awake, picking up a random shot glass and looking in it: Eww, did someone ovulate in this shot glass?
Minneapolis, 508 Bar
Overheard by Bob Mitzvah.
Drunk girl (pointing to object on top of cupboard): What’s this, a turkey baster?
Drunk bro: No, it’s a beer bong.
Drunk girl (discouraged): Ohh.
St. Paul, House Party
Overheard by A.
Guy at 12:30 pm: I’m drunk and it’s LIGHT OUT!!
Dinkytown, on the street
Overheard by he must have started before noon….
Drunk girl: I’m avoiding French guys for the rest of the night!
Overheard by Paris ≠ Minneapolis.
Officer, to sleeping guy in bathroom stall: Hey, are you okay?
Drunk guy: Yep, I’m cool.
Officer: You need to come out of there.
Drunk guy: Hold on, I’m playing poker with all my buddies in here. They suck at it!
Overheard by Luckily I didn’t use that stall.
Drunk girl: I’m so sick of going to the bathroom.
Minneapolis, The Local
Overheard by …tragic.
Half drunk man at the bar: Why are you wearing a teardrop on a necklace? Did you kill someone?
Young woman waiting for a drink: It’s from Tiffany’s.
St. Paul, Plum’s Bar
Overheard by But did you kill someone to get it?
Drunk 20-something girl to club bouncer (slurring): Shake it like a salt shaker!
Downtown Minneapolis, outside a club near the metrodome
Overheard by umm no thanks.
Boyfriend: My drunk girlfriend seems to like it.
Drunk girlfriend stumbles back into the bar after being led out of the kitchen: Whaaa? What the fuck?!
Boyfriend: Let’s go towards the exit.
Uptown, Green Mill
Overheard by witnessed their domestic in the parking lot. True love.
Obama campaign volunteer getting out the vote: Sir! Have you voted today?
Drunk incoherent man on the street at 5pm (slurred): I ain’t even had sex in 10 months!
Minneapolis, Nicollet Ave
Overheard by Sure hope he’s gettin’ some now.
Older drunk man to 20-something reading a book in a bar: Man, you’re reading a book in a bar!? What a rebel!
20-something: Thank you?
St. Paul, Eagle Street Grille
Overheard by I admired him.
Drunk man: I just really want a f-ckin’ vagina!
Drunk woman: Like sparkly pink neon!
Overheard by I’m sure you do.