Posts Tagged ‘drunks’
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Successful Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means
Drunk Guy sitting at the bar: Dude, I am, like, the most successful out of anyone in my family. Hands down. The rest of them are just, like, white trash living out in trailers.
Friend: Yeah man, that’s awesome.
Drunk Guy: I have to go piss.
Friend: You going to the bathroom?
Drunk Guy: No, I am going out in the alley man. That’s how I do it. Do you want to come with? I mean I won’t look or anything.Saint Paul, The Nook
Overheard by Most succesful huh? -
Did Everyone Get A Good Idea For Dinner Just Now?
Drunk bro #1 in bathroom talking to guy in the stall: I’ll just wait for you. You poop then I’ll poop.
Drunk bro #2, guy in stall: (silence, minor grunting)
Drunk bro #1: I’ll run some water for you, so you don’t have to hear it.
Drunk bro #2: That smells, dude. No, it smells healthy, like beefsteak.St Paul, Billy’s On Grand
Overheard by i picked the wrong time to take a leak. -
I Really Mean It This Time
Guy in a group lead by a drunk girl: Are you sure this is the building?
Drunk Girl: Yeah, this is the right building. We screwed up once, we won’t screw up again. (walks face first into door frame)Minneapolis, City Center
Overheard by Homeless Mike. -
Maybe I’ll Get A Mask!
Drink girl to friend: Seriously! I need to get better at being incognito drunk!
Minneapolis, The Library
Overheard by a.lil. -
How Weird
Crowd of drunken dudes: Hey! That guy’s wearing a Red Sox hat!
Red Sox fan: Well, I grew up in Massachusetts.
Drunk dude: Well, I grew up in Chicago, but you don’t see me wearing a Red Sox hat!Minneapolis, Tracy’s Saloon
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He Practices Every Day
Homeless-looking guy, drinking Karkov vodka straight from the bottle in the back of the bus: Yo, dude.
Drunk friend: Dude! You the pro at that shit. You the pro!
Homeless-looking guy: (takes drink of Karkov) Yo, I know. I know.Minneapolis, Bus 50
Overheard by a.lil. -
Just One More Beer
Drunk 20-something to friend: My boobs are too ginormous.
Hopeful drunk 20-something male friend: Your boobs are too generous?!Minneapolis, Sgt. Prestons
Overheard by I’m not drunk enough for this. -
Who Hasn’t Heard Of “Get The 9 Ball In”?
Drunk man #1 (while throwing down pool cue): It’s over! I did it.
Drunk man #2: Did what?
Drunk man #1: I got the 9 ball in!
Drunk man #2: Isn’t it supposed to be the 8 ball?
Drunk man #1 (while walking away from pool table back toward bar): Dude! I don’t know how MANY balls are on the table!Minneapolis, Railstation Bar & Grill
Overheard by relizjones. -
Happens All Of The Time
Drunk girl at bar, struggling to stay awake, picking up a random shot glass and looking in it: Eww, did someone ovulate in this shot glass?
Minneapolis, 508 Bar
Overheard by Bob Mitzvah. -
That Explains Why Thanksgiving Was So Awkward
Drunk girl (pointing to object on top of cupboard): What’s this, a turkey baster?
Drunk bro: No, it’s a beer bong.
Drunk girl (discouraged): Ohh.St. Paul, House Party
Overheard by A. -
That Was One Strong Mimosa
Guy at 12:30 pm: I’m drunk and it’s LIGHT OUT!!
Dinkytown, on the street
Overheard by he must have started before noon…. -
They Can Probably Hear You Coming
Drunk girl: I’m avoiding French guys for the rest of the night!
Minneapolis, Abilene
Overheard by Paris ≠ Minneapolis. -
Larry Craig’s Other Bathroom Pastime
Officer, to sleeping guy in bathroom stall: Hey, are you okay?
Drunk guy: Yep, I’m cool.
Officer: You need to come out of there.
Drunk guy: Hold on, I’m playing poker with all my buddies in here. They suck at it!MSP Airport
Overheard by Luckily I didn’t use that stall. -
She Broke The Seal Too Early
Drunk girl: I’m so sick of going to the bathroom.
Minneapolis, The Local
Overheard by …tragic. -
Tiffany Was My Cell Mate
Half drunk man at the bar: Why are you wearing a teardrop on a necklace? Did you kill someone?
Young woman waiting for a drink: It’s from Tiffany’s.St. Paul, Plum’s Bar
Overheard by But did you kill someone to get it? -
Shake It Like A Thing That Shakes A Lot
Drunk 20-something girl to club bouncer (slurring): Shake it like a salt shaker!
Downtown Minneapolis, outside a club near the metrodome
Overheard by umm no thanks. -
Not The Bathroom
Boyfriend: My drunk girlfriend seems to like it.
Drunk girlfriend stumbles back into the bar after being led out of the kitchen: Whaaa? What the fuck?!
Boyfriend: Let’s go towards the exit.Uptown, Green Mill
Overheard by witnessed their domestic in the parking lot. True love. -
Voting Can’t Hurt Your Chances
Obama campaign volunteer getting out the vote: Sir! Have you voted today?
Drunk incoherent man on the street at 5pm (slurred): I ain’t even had sex in 10 months!Minneapolis, Nicollet Ave
Overheard by Sure hope he’s gettin’ some now. -
The Sarcasm Tags Are Invisible
Older drunk man to 20-something reading a book in a bar: Man, you’re reading a book in a bar!? What a rebel!
20-something: Thank you?St. Paul, Eagle Street Grille
Overheard by I admired him. -
What The World Would Look Like Without Encyclopedias
Drunk man: I just really want a f-ckin’ vagina!
Drunk woman: Like sparkly pink neon!Minneapolis, Kieran’s
Overheard by I’m sure you do.
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