Posts Tagged ‘drunks’
Drunk guy: I would eat a human in a heart beat. I would eat a human’s heart beat.
Minneapolis, 26th & Blaisdell
Overheard by Roscoe the Beagle.
Drunk girl: So, I wrote a folk song about Christopher Reeves; post paralysis, pre death. So, it’s not quite as depressing. Wanna hear it?
University of Minnesota
Overheard by uhhh YES.
Middle aged drunk woman to tween in elevator PACKED full of people: So, what are you doing here?
Tween: We’re here for Faith on Fire, a national Christian youth convention.
Drunk woman to friend: Ohhhh Noelle! Aren’t you here for the Buddhist monk convention? (Asians in back grimace)
Tween: I appreciate your humor, lady. (immediately gets off elevator)
Drunk woman: So, do you think my Sam’s Club card will get us into the Penthouse Suite?
Minneapolis, Downtown ritzy hotel
Overheard by I’m drunk now, so this may be funnier to me.
Drunk Asian kid entering kitchen at party: I just went to use the bathroom, but there was some weird Asian girl waiting outside the door.
Sober, bitter girl: Are you sure it wasn’t just a mirror?
University of Minnesota
Overheard by Bitter girl’s roommate.
Drunk Indian girl: I wanna Sprite!
Girl’s boyfriend: I’d like a Sprite too, please.
Drunk girl: NO ICE! Indian girl no like the ice!
Overheard by Irish girl do like the ice.
Drunk girl in bathroom: Why doesn’t he love me? I just want him to love me like I love him. IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO LOVE ME?
Overheard by It just might be.
Drunk #1, enjoying a 12 pack of Natural Ice at 10 a.m: How many beers you drink of mine?
Drunk #2 (angry): See this beer right here? That’s my only one cause I been sober for two weeks.
Saint Paul, 280 and University
Overheard by berrywise.
20 year old white guy: Ugh. Now you’re all high, and I’m all drunk, and… I need to get some new friends.
20 year old friend: Just smoke some weed, instead.
Minneapolis, Amazing Thailand
Overheard by i love the waitresses here.
Really Drunk Girl That Won’t Stop Bumping Into Me: Hold on, I have a little vomit in my mouth. Ok.
TMBG Concert, First Ave
Overheard by Could you keep it in there, please?
Drunk guy to friend: I’m just sticking with beer since I’m driving.
Minneapolis, Hexagon Bar
Overheard by tell that to the officer.
Drunk, social person: I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just a social drunk!
Minneapolis, Casey’s Bar
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.
Freshman girl #1: I don’t know why I’m still getting hangovers. I drank the last six nights in a row.
Freshman girl #2: Yeah. You’d totally expect your tolerance to be better after that.
U of M Campus
Overheard by maybe she has a little bit too much captain in her.
Dude well on his way to an epic hangover: Damn this biological conspiracy that made me born without boobs!
Dinkytown, The Blue House
Overheard by The soberest guy in the room.
Drunk Sorostitute (in group of friends): I’m getting boned in the butt! Who’s boning me in the butt?
Outside The Library, Dinkytown
Overheard by POB.
Drunk hippie dude to very busty sober girl: HEYYYY, Big Boobs!
Busty sober girl: Hey, Small Cock! See? Stating the obvious isn’t always the way to go with pick up lines, now move along.
Excelsior, Bayside Grille
Overheard by ooooh Burn.
Drunk cowgirl yelling to her friend: You need to go easy on that big wiener!
Minnesota State Fair
Overheard by Unsuspecting fair-goer who was afraid to turn around.
Very drunk male friend, to very sober, pregnant, and married friend: Can I phlegm on your cleavage?
Minneapolis, Sgt. Preston’s
Overheard by A connoisseur of terrible pick-up lines.
Drunk 40 year old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are 4 sinks. We only need 2 with the number of people I’ve seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40 year old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.
Minnesota Zoo – Music In the Zoo
Overheard by slight overshare.
Drunk guy in his early 20′s trying to hit on hot girl in her later 20′s: So, what do you do?
Hot girl: Not 23 year-olds!
Minneapolis, The Ugly Mug
Overheard by Snap!
Drunk fellow concert-goer: You know, every tattoo has to have nipples on it somewhere.
[friend mumbles something]
Drunk fellow concert-goer: I even have tattoos of nipples… on my nipples!
1st Avenue, Bon Iver concert
Overheard by So that’s what all those Chinese symbols are.