Posts Tagged ‘drunks’
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Who’s Feeling Warm And Fuzzy Now?
Drunk guy: I would eat a human in a heart beat. I would eat a human’s heart beat.
Minneapolis, 26th & Blaisdell
Overheard by Roscoe the Beagle. -
Sign Me Up!
Drunk girl: So, I wrote a folk song about Christopher Reeves; post paralysis, pre death. So, it’s not quite as depressing. Wanna hear it?
University of Minnesota
Overheard by uhhh YES. -
It Might Get You Into The Bathroom
Middle aged drunk woman to tween in elevator PACKED full of people: So, what are you doing here?
Tween: We’re here for Faith on Fire, a national Christian youth convention.
Drunk woman to friend: Ohhhh Noelle! Aren’t you here for the Buddhist monk convention? (Asians in back grimace)
Tween: I appreciate your humor, lady. (immediately gets off elevator)
Drunk woman: So, do you think my Sam’s Club card will get us into the Penthouse Suite?Minneapolis, Downtown ritzy hotel
Overheard by I’m drunk now, so this may be funnier to me. -
Now That You Mention It
Drunk Asian kid entering kitchen at party: I just went to use the bathroom, but there was some weird Asian girl waiting outside the door.
Sober, bitter girl: Are you sure it wasn’t just a mirror?University of Minnesota
Overheard by Bitter girl’s roommate. -
Now I Have To Know Why
Drunk Indian girl: I wanna Sprite!
Girl’s boyfriend: I’d like a Sprite too, please.
Drunk girl: NO ICE! Indian girl no like the ice!Minneapolis, Arby’s
Overheard by Irish girl do like the ice. -
Right Now It Is
Drunk girl in bathroom: Why doesn’t he love me? I just want him to love me like I love him. IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO LOVE ME?
Northfield, Carleton
Overheard by It just might be. -
My Longest Streak Ever
Drunk #1, enjoying a 12 pack of Natural Ice at 10 a.m: How many beers you drink of mine?
Drunk #2 (angry): See this beer right here? That’s my only one cause I been sober for two weeks.Saint Paul, 280 and University
Overheard by berrywise. -
First Step Towards World Peace
20 year old white guy: Ugh. Now you’re all high, and I’m all drunk, and… I need to get some new friends.
20 year old friend: Just smoke some weed, instead.Minneapolis, Amazing Thailand
Overheard by i love the waitresses here. -
Did Someone Threaten To Pick Her Scab?
Really Drunk Girl That Won’t Stop Bumping Into Me: Hold on, I have a little vomit in my mouth. Ok.
TMBG Concert, First Ave
Overheard by Could you keep it in there, please? -
A Solid Plan
Drunk guy to friend: I’m just sticking with beer since I’m driving.
Minneapolis, Hexagon Bar
Overheard by tell that to the officer. -
And I Hang Out With People Every Day
Drunk, social person: I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just a social drunk!
Minneapolis, Casey’s Bar
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend. -
Try Something Other Than Miller Lite
Freshman girl #1: I don’t know why I’m still getting hangovers. I drank the last six nights in a row.
Freshman girl #2: Yeah. You’d totally expect your tolerance to be better after that.U of M Campus
Overheard by maybe she has a little bit too much captain in her. -
You Can Pay For Those Now
Dude well on his way to an epic hangover: Damn this biological conspiracy that made me born without boobs!
Dinkytown, The Blue House
Overheard by The soberest guy in the room. -
Know Your Alcohol Limit
Drunk Sorostitute (in group of friends): I’m getting boned in the butt! Who’s boning me in the butt?
Outside The Library, Dinkytown
Overheard by POB. -
That’s The Trouble With Drunk Hippies
Drunk hippie dude to very busty sober girl: HEYYYY, Big Boobs!
Busty sober girl: Hey, Small Cock! See? Stating the obvious isn’t always the way to go with pick up lines, now move along.Excelsior, Bayside Grille
Overheard by ooooh Burn. -
You Better Listen To Your Friend
Drunk cowgirl yelling to her friend: You need to go easy on that big wiener!
Minnesota State Fair
Overheard by Unsuspecting fair-goer who was afraid to turn around. -
That Just Won’t Work
Very drunk male friend, to very sober, pregnant, and married friend: Can I phlegm on your cleavage?
Minneapolis, Sgt. Preston’s
Overheard by A connoisseur of terrible pick-up lines. -
Why Do People Think This Is Okay?
Drunk 40 year old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are 4 sinks. We only need 2 with the number of people I’ve seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40 year old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.Minnesota Zoo – Music In the Zoo
Overheard by slight overshare. -
But He’ll Be 24 Next Year
Drunk guy in his early 20′s trying to hit on hot girl in her later 20′s: So, what do you do?
Hot girl: Not 23 year-olds!Minneapolis, The Ugly Mug
Overheard by Snap! -
It Actually Just Says “Nipple” With An Arrow
Drunk fellow concert-goer: You know, every tattoo has to have nipples on it somewhere.
[friend mumbles something]
Drunk fellow concert-goer: I even have tattoos of nipples… on my nipples!1st Avenue, Bon Iver concert
Overheard by So that’s what all those Chinese symbols are.
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