Posts Tagged ‘eagan’
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Put The Paper Boy On Alert
Man #1: Well, what would you do if a teenage boy came to your door tonight and asked to take your daughter out?
Man #2: I would rip his head off.
Man #1: No, I’m serious.
Man #2: I am, too. My daughter is eight years old. If a teenage boy comes to my house tonight I will rip his head off and put it on a spike in the front lawn.Eagan, Caribou
Overheard by You go, vigilante soccer dad! -
I Don’t Kick For Anything Less Than $50
Highschool Dude #1: Did you hear Johnson found a 20-dollar bill this morning?
Highschool Dude #2: Dude. I totally saw that happen. I was, like, two feet behind him, I saw it laying on the floor right as he bent over to pick it up.
Highschool Dude #1: (in all seriousness) Why didn’t you kick him in the ribs and grab it?Eagan High School
Overheard by I would’ve. -
You Should Have Seen The Children’s Faces
Luncheon participant #1: I don’t think that was funny.
Luncheon participant #2: It was hilarious. I mean, she had a hook for a hand.Eagan, ThomsonReuters
Overheard by It’s all about context. -
I Know Even Less Now
Office Grunt #1: The India people slowly dropped the ball on that one last week.
Office Grunt #2: Yeah?
Office Grunt #1: Yeah. And this week they kicked it off the soccer field and they’re drinking tea on the sidelines.Eagan, ThomsonReuters
Overheard by Smirking. -
I Read That On The Internet
Walmart Floor Sweeper: If I was going to get sick from anything it would probably be alcoholism. The alcohol kills all the other germs I think.
Eagan, Walmart
Overheard by Is that why he has given up showering… -
It’s A Start
College boy #1, playing football with College boy #2: I think I want to go into marine biology.
College boy #2: Oh?
College boy #1: Yeah, I want to work somewhere warm, like the ocean. But I can’t get that at UMD.
College boy #2: Why not?
College Boy #1: Because they don’t have marine biology classes.
College Boy #2: Do they have, like, regular biology classes?Eagan, beach
Overheard by Oh the kids these days… -
So I Added “Eavesdropper” To The List
Woman coming out of the elevator: I think she heard me call her a Nazi troll.
Eagan, Thomson Reuters
Overheard by: Oops there goes the promotion! -
When Did They Expand?
Slightly drunken father-of-the-graduate: Well, Andy’s got a job over at Best Buy. He works in the electronics department.
Eagan, Graduation Party
Overheard by not the fabric department? -
Ah, To Be Young And Optimistic
Blonde, tanned, teenage male: I’m not getting married young; none of my friends will be making enough money to buy me cool stuff.
Eagan, Target
Overheard by Because really, why else get married? -
Is It My Purse?
Daughter: Daddy, were you always a daddy?
Father: What do you mean?
Daughter: Were you ever a mommy?
Father: No, I’ve always been a daddy.
Daughter: Are you SURE?
(pause)
Father: I’m pretty sure.Eagan, Wal-Mart
Overheard by She clearly suspects something… -
That’s True Of Some Guys Too
College-aged girl: Jet-skis are better than boys. If a jet-ski dumps you, you can still ride it.
Eagan, Cub Foods
Overheard by hypothetically speaking. -
Time To Retire
Disheveled woman wrapping up a meandering, depressing rant: …and I’m 65, so I’ll probably have a heart attack any day now.
Cashier: Uhh… yeah. So, what is it you do?
Disheveled woman: I’m a psychologist.Eagan, Kowalski’s checkout line
Overheard by Jeremy Q. Afterglide. -
You Start Out Feeling Bad For Her
Girl #1: I don’t get it; what’s a bunny have to do with Jesus rising or whatever?
Girl #2: (sarcastically) It’s the Easter bunny because Jesus was carrying a rabbit when he ascended.
Girl #1: Oh, really? That totally makes sense!
Girl #2: (in disbelief) Yes. And we color eggs because… the rabbit hatched from an egg.
Girl #1: No way! God, you’re so smart.
Girl #2: And you’re an idiot.Eagan, St. John Neumann Catholic Church
Overheard by at least you’re trying. -
For All The Wrong Reasons
Overweight coworker #1: Marilyn Monroe was a size 16, so I don’t feel bad about my weight anymore.
Overweight coworker #2: Oh, that’s true!!Eagan, Cubicle Land
Overheard by But she was gorgeous… -
We’re Not Sure We Want To Know
Coworker #2 to Coworker #1: I just want to specify that when I said I cooked her an omelet, I didn’t mean that I “cooked her an omelet”. She was hungry, I had eggs. End of story.
Coworker #1: Dude, what else would it have meant?Eagan, Thomson Reuters
Overheard by I’m wondering that too. -
Did I Mention Why I Was With A Lawyer?
Guy #1: It cost me $500 to spend an hour and a half with a lawyer.
Guy #2: I hope his daughter was cute.Eagan, Work
Overheard by Get me out of here. -
It Might Not Work With Your Brain
Student asking the teacher about the differences between a Mac and PC: Will my iPod work with a Mac?
Eagan, IT Training Center
Overheard by How come he has a tech job and I don’t??? -
There’s Only One Way To Do That
Project Leader to pee-ons: We can try that but I’m not sure it will relieve the gas problem.
Eagan, Research Center
Overheard by Gas X Works right? -
Good Thing It’s Your Neighbor’s House
Overweight suburban woman, talking about her neighbor’s new landscaping: I look at those 21 steps and I’m like, I’m not walking up them!
Eagan, Cubeland
Overheard by fireyram. -
We All Know You Now
Pigtailed 4 yr old girl to the couple in line behind her at the checkout: Do you know me? Do you?
Tired mother: Hush, honey. They don’t know you.
Pigtailed girl: Well, they should! Know me! Don’t forget me.Eagan, Kohls
Overheard by that girl is going to be famous.
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