Guy to girlfriend: This place is douchebag central.

Crate & Barrel, Galleria
Overheard by Not a d-bag.

Guy outside of dressing room: Dude, what are you doing?
Guy in dressing room: I’m having some me time.
Guy outside of dressing room: I’m bored. (thinks about it for several seconds) I’ll be looking at belts.
Guy in dressing room: I’ll be looking at me.

Southdale J.C. Penney dressing rooms
Overheard by Business Casual.

Woman: We need a President that can at least speak English good.

Turtle Bread Shop in Edina
Overheard by K-la Vosper.

Wannabe Cool Guy on cell phone: Yeah, I’m going to by a cheap-ass skateboard so I can get around.  <pause>  Yeah, instead of paying for bus passes, I just buy cheap skateboards.  It’s just easier.

Edina Target
Overheard by Pheebs.

Loud teen girl on cellphone: Jaime, I’ve been CALLing you! Didn’t you feel it in your pants?

accessories section at Edina Target
Overheard by yikes.

Pinched, Botox-ed mom to her annoyed daughter, who is wearing an A-line shirt: …and that SHIRT? Seriously, Meaghann*, people are going to look at you and think, “That girl is pregnant.” Pregnant. Preh-heg-NANT.

Edina Lunds
Overheard by Jesus, how did I wind up in Edina?!

Woman staring at a wall of computer software, to her bored-looking friend: I fucking rock at that Sponge Bob typing game.

Apple Store, Southdale
Overheard by When you’re good, you gotta let ‘em know.

Nerdy white guy listening to the piped-in music while waiting for a table at The Cheesecake Factory: Oh my god, is this Nine Inch Nails ‘I Wanna F*** You Like An Animal’?
Nerdy guy’s girlfriend: Ummmm, noooo…
Nerdy guy: No, I really think it is. (pauses for a moment) Oh, my mistake, it’s Alicia Keys. (Proceeds to nerdy-white-guy-dance to “No One”)

The Cheesecake Factory
Overheard by I don’t think Nine Inch Nails even exists in Edina…

Snobby Teen:  What am I supposed to do tonight?
Yuppie Mother:  Well, you could come to the benefit with me.
Snobby Teen: What’s it for?
Yuppie Mother:  Ohh, some country in Africa.
Snobby Teen:  Well, it depends on which one.
Yuppie Mother:  I don’t know which one but I’m sure it’s one that needs some help.

The Galleria
Overheard by well I guess we know who the Cake-eaters are.

Blonde Teenage Girl #1: If I don’t get asked to prom I might just drop out of school and become a mechanic.
Blonde Teenage Girl #2: I know… that would suck.

Edina High School

Community Education Teacher:  We eat more burgers in this country than there are cows on the moon.

Edina Community Education Class
Overheard by me.

Middle-aged woman on cell phone at 6:30 pm in a patronizing tone: Have you been drinking? … Do they know you’ve been drinking? … How many have you had? … Do I need to take you to detox again? … Okay, I’ll be home after book group.

Edina Panera
Overheard by Seriously? “Tuesdays with Morrie” can wait.

Thirtysomething Mom: Oh darn. I asked you when we got out of the car to remind me something. What was it that I asked you to remind me to get?
Preschool-Aged Girl: I can’t remember. [Five second pause] Can you tell me again so I can remind you?

Super Target, Edina
Overheard by guy in the baby food aisle.

A middle-aged woman and her 20-something son get into a public argument.
Friend of the 20-something son: What was that all about?
20-something son: Well, it all started when I was in eighth grade and I lost my dad’s snowpants.

Edina parkinglot
Overheard by That explains so little.

Restaurant hostess: So, are you folks from out of town?
Canadian diner: Yes, from Canada.
Restaurant hostess: Canada? Wow! We’ve had people from everywhere today. Canada… Winnipeg… Manitoba…

Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, Mall of America
Overheard by An impressive geographical range indeed.

Boy: He’s not FROM here, Mom.
Mom: Where’s he from?
Boy: I don’t know but he didn’t speak our language.
Mom: What language does he speak?
Boy: I don’t know but he learned our language now.
Mom: Russian, then. Russians learn our language faster than any other alien.

Medina Target
Overheard by Martians can assimilate too.

Strange looking guy, sitting at a booth with a bunch of his friends: …and then she was like, ‘I think you should die.’

Cheesecake Factory, Edina
Overheard by ummm, I don’t think I’d tell people about that.

13 year old #1: My brother doesn’t have a job. He’s a lazy ass who sits around all day.
13 year old #2: How old is he?
13 year old #1: 15.

Edina Middle school
Overheard by Guess I was a lazy ass at 15 too.

High school girl: I’ll have a grande Caramel Macchiato.
Twenty-something barista: Do you have a milk preference?
High school girl: Uh… do you have Kemps?

Edina Starbucks

Woman petting dog to dog’s owner: Can I give her a pig’s ear? I have one in my trunk!

Caribou coffee on York in Edina
Overheard by your mom.