Bitter salesgirl, muttering while a song plays “Christmas is the best time of the year…” on Black Friday: Whoever wrote this song never worked retail.

Edina, Southdale Macy’s
Overheard by i wouldnt have christmas cheer in your position either!

College girl to college boy: I’d be the only one there in an argyle straight jacket!  How cute would that be?

Edina, Jo-Ann Store
Overheard by DK.

60-year old woman, spotting a friend walking towards her: Oh, fancy seeing you here!
Her Friend: How nice to see you! But no hugs below the waist this time.

Edina, Jo-Ann Fabrics
Overheard by curious.

Little girl to Grandma in motorized cart: Is this thing set to “turtle”?

Edina, Jo-Ann
Overheard by DK.

Mother to child in the girl’s clothing aisle: No, you’re not wearing a padded bra; you’re six!!

Edina, Southdale Target
Overheard by me.

Girl: My friends are always saying I need to make a Facebook page and I’m like, “Why? I talk to you A-holes enough already!”

Edina, Fuddruckers
Overheard by sleeping on the job.

Woman behind me, seeing homecoming queen: There she is!!  Skinny, blond hair and tan.  Just the same thing every year.

Edina High School Homecoming Parade
Overheard by Edina Mom.

Preppy woman in mid 30s: Oh, make sure to grab the dolphin safe tuna, last time you got the wrong kind and I think I found a chunk of dolphin in it.
Preppy man in mid 30s: Gross. Thanks.

Edina, Lunds
Overheard by save the dolphins.

Woman pouring coffee on her cup: Drinking decaf is like kissing your brother; it’s just not worth it.

Edina, Lunch room at a large corporation
Overheard by I think I’ll have a toast today.

Guy to girlfriend: This place is douchebag central.

Crate & Barrel, Galleria
Overheard by Not a d-bag.

Guy outside of dressing room: Dude, what are you doing?
Guy in dressing room: I’m having some me time.
Guy outside of dressing room: I’m bored. (thinks about it for several seconds) I’ll be looking at belts.
Guy in dressing room: I’ll be looking at me.

Southdale J.C. Penney dressing rooms
Overheard by Business Casual.

Woman: We need a President that can at least speak English good.

Turtle Bread Shop in Edina
Overheard by K-la Vosper.

Wannabe Cool Guy on cell phone: Yeah, I’m going to by a cheap-ass skateboard so I can get around.  <pause>  Yeah, instead of paying for bus passes, I just buy cheap skateboards.  It’s just easier.

Edina Target
Overheard by Pheebs.

Loud teen girl on cellphone: Jaime, I’ve been CALLing you! Didn’t you feel it in your pants?

accessories section at Edina Target
Overheard by yikes.

Pinched, Botox-ed mom to her annoyed daughter, who is wearing an A-line shirt: …and that SHIRT? Seriously, Meaghann*, people are going to look at you and think, “That girl is pregnant.” Pregnant. Preh-heg-NANT.

Edina Lunds
Overheard by Jesus, how did I wind up in Edina?!

Woman staring at a wall of computer software, to her bored-looking friend: I fucking rock at that Sponge Bob typing game.

Apple Store, Southdale
Overheard by When you’re good, you gotta let ‘em know.

Nerdy white guy listening to the piped-in music while waiting for a table at The Cheesecake Factory: Oh my god, is this Nine Inch Nails ‘I Wanna F*** You Like An Animal’?
Nerdy guy’s girlfriend: Ummmm, noooo…
Nerdy guy: No, I really think it is. (pauses for a moment) Oh, my mistake, it’s Alicia Keys. (Proceeds to nerdy-white-guy-dance to “No One”)

The Cheesecake Factory
Overheard by I don’t think Nine Inch Nails even exists in Edina…

Snobby Teen:  What am I supposed to do tonight?
Yuppie Mother:  Well, you could come to the benefit with me.
Snobby Teen: What’s it for?
Yuppie Mother:  Ohh, some country in Africa.
Snobby Teen:  Well, it depends on which one.
Yuppie Mother:  I don’t know which one but I’m sure it’s one that needs some help.

The Galleria
Overheard by well I guess we know who the Cake-eaters are.

Blonde Teenage Girl #1: If I don’t get asked to prom I might just drop out of school and become a mechanic.
Blonde Teenage Girl #2: I know… that would suck.

Edina High School

Community Education Teacher:  We eat more burgers in this country than there are cows on the moon.

Edina Community Education Class
Overheard by me.