Posts Tagged ‘kids’
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Isn’t That Enough?
3 year old boy, as he almost falls: Oh, Jesus.
Nanny: Do you know who Jesus is?
3 year old boy: Yes, of course.
Nanny: What does he do?
3 year old boy: He delivers us from evil. Duh.
Nanny: What else does Jesus do?
3 year old boy: I have no idea!Shoreview, Park
Overheard by just another nanny. -
There’s One Way To Find Out
Kid: Mom, do we have to be good in here?
Mom, trying to hurry: Yes. We always have to be good in the library.
Kid: Why?
Mom: Because good things happen to good people.
Kid: Why?
Mom, getting frustrated: Because that’s the way things work, honey.
Kid: Is there a God?
Mom, at wit’s end: I sure hope so!St Paul, Merriam Park Library
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Wait Until You See What I Have Planned For Your Teen Years
Spoiled 6 yr old kid to frazzled mom: YOU’RE PRETTY MUCH RUINING MY LIFE!!
Savage, Target
Overheard by Fellow shopper trying to get far far away. -
The Reds Are Taking Up Too Much Space In My Toy Box
5th/6th grade boy: I’ll sure be glad when the wine cellar is finished.
2nd boy: Me, too.Maple Grove, Ski trip bus on way back from Trollhaugen
Overheard by Me too kid, me too. -
This Will Not Be Another Kohl’s Incident!
Mom: Diego, take your little brother to the bathroom. (they start to walk away) And bring him BACK, too!
Minneapolis, Lake Street Target
Overheard by Specificity is Greatly Appreciated. -
Let’s Play “Which Is Worse?”
4-year old girl, pointing to package of men’s underwear: Mom, why is his pete so thick?
St. Louis Park, TJ Maxx
Overheard by B. -
Nothing Stings Like Disappointment From A Child
5 year old boy holding a pair of red, sequin shoes up to his Mom: I found some shoes that are perfect for you.
Mom, laughing: Well, the thing is…
5 year old boy, disappointed: Oh, you’re not that into fashion.Minneapolis, Target
Overheard by sunidae. -
Easier To Manage
Little boy looking at the sleeping lions at the zoo: They’re always dead.
St. Paul, Como Zoo
Overheard by I must resurrect every morning, then. -
Not If You Keep Breaking My Concentration
Little boy to mother in stall: Mom, what’s taking so long? Are ya poopin?
Mom: I’m still in here. I’ll be out in a second.
Boy: But are ya poopin?
Mom: I’ll be out in a second.
Boy: Yeah, but are ya poopin?Minneapolis, Women’s restroom at Orchestra Hall
Overheard by someone just trying to wash their hands. -
Not Nearly Enough
4-year-old boy sitting in cart putting on sunglasses: Mom, do these make me look bad ass?
Startled mother looking at pens: We don’t talk about that. Wait, where did you get that from??
Boy: Batman. Do these look bad ass?Coon Rapids, Pen asile at Officemax
Overheard by Officemax Employee. -
Put A Muzzle On It First
4-year-old boy with cat on leash: DAD!
Dad: What?
Boy: Come here!
Dad: NO!Minneapolis, Uptown, Dupont Ave
Overheard by Hmmm. -
Intermediate Pet Dressing
Little girl in dressing room: And today we are going to learn about how to put underwear on a Chinchilla!
Dressing room in Mall of America
Overheard by Dressing room attendant. -
As A Matter Of Fact…
Girl holding long piece of paper: Will you hold this for me, Mommy?
Mom, with armful of books: Look how much I am carrying, and what you have. Do you think it’s fair to ask me? Are you the Queen of Sheba?Eden Prairie, library parking lot
Overheard by a patron. -
He Goes To Public School
Mother: Wait, how would you know what Magic Hat is?
Son: Why wouldn’t I?
Mother: It’s beer! You’re TWELVE.MSP Airport
Overheard by Atta boy. -
It’s In The ‘Summer Reading’ Aisle
8-year-old boy speaking to librarian: Do you have Glenn Beck ‘Arguing with Idiots’?
Maple Grove, Public Library
Overheard by God, help us all. -
My Favorite Conflict Resolution
Mom to 5-year-old son about his baby teethers: Stop putting those things all over your arms; you’re freaking people out.
Son: You’re freaking ME out!
Mom: We won’t be able to shop here again unless we bring these ladies some booze.Maple Grove, Little Feet Children’s Shoes
Overheard by worker who would gladly accept that offer. -
At Least He Knows It
Kid, across the street: Dad, can you hear me?
Dad: NO!
Kid: Dad, are you too drunk to do Kung Fu moves?
Dad: I’m too drunk to shoot a motherfucker, I know that.North Minneapolis neighborhood
Overheard by the Right to bear arms…and children? -
It Requires A Mullet
Dad, to son about a Playstation game: Do you know what the “E” stands for on the game?
4 year old son: Everyone!
Dad: Good job. What about “T?”
4 year old son: Teen?
Dad: Yep. How about “M?”
4 year old son: (pauses) MacGruber!!!St. Paul – Highland Park, Garage sale
Overheard by Still laughing at this creative little guy! -
She Has A Bright Future As A Lawyer
Five-year-old girl sitting directly behind her mom: Mommy. Mommy! Mommy!!!
Mom: Honey, I can’t turn my head 180 degrees. I’m not an owl.
Five-year-old girl: Mommy, knock knock.
Mom: Who’s there?
Five-year-old girl: Who.
Mom: Who who?
Five-year-old girl: I thought you said you weren’t an owl?Mound, Hockey Arena
Overheard by You kiss your mother with that mouth? -
The First President Under Our Beds
Little boy, in a singsong voice: George Washington, George Washington, he’s gonna eat you. George Washington, George Washington.
Minneapolis, Bus Route 16
Overheard by wooden teeth must work well.
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