Dude pointing toward the beach, to his friends: That’s the beach where all the sluts hang out.

Minneapolis, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by not a slut, just peddling by.

Tan Intellectual at the Beach: Yeah, she must technically be a little person.
Equally Intellectual Friend: Why’s that?
Tan Intellectual at the Beach: Her hands are really small, like too small to even operate machinery. It’s gross.

Minneapolis, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by I doubt your machinery is that big.

Woman to friend: I don’t want to sound arrogant, but being in a relationship with me has really enriched his life.

Minneapolis, Lake Calhoun pedestrian path
Overheard by Claude’s mom.

Older Woman to Middle Aged Man walking a dog: Is that how all dogs walk?
Middle Aged Man: That’s how THIS dog walks.

Minneapolis, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Have you never seen a dog walk before.

Abnormally suburban petite white girl to equally white suburban friend: Have you SEEN my dad react to a gunshot???

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by What’s a gun?

Older jogger: What was its name? Stevenson? Um…
Younger jogger: Callahan.
Older jogger: Yeah, Callahan! God, that’s a stupid name. Who would name their dog something with two syllables?

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Call-a-han has 3 syllables. Would you prefer Fi-do? Wait…

Sean John Clad, Pat Williams Looking Dude: He sold that shit for 10 million dollars?
2X White T, Yankee Designer Hat Wearin’ Dude: Ya.
Sean John Clad, Pat Williams Looking Dude: Man, I’d kill myself for 10 million dollars!

Lake Calhoun (Thomas Beach Parking Lot)
Overheard by Dale Smoker.

Man #1: So, do you like small nipples or large ones?
Man #2: Depends…

Lake Calhoun southside
Overheard by tina.

Physical therapist: OK, you need to take it easy for a while.
Patient: Well, my girlfriend and I want to walk around Lake Calhoun tonight, is that ok?
Physical therapist: That’s a little far. Just walk halfway around it, turn around and go back.

Physical therapy clinic, MPLS

20-something male, who just slammed alcoholic energy drink and crushed it on the pavement: Finished!
20-something female: Wow, you’re the winner of drinking under bridges.

Under Bridge by Lake Calhoun
Overheard by does that make me the loser.

Middle Aged Man walking dog: Come on, Queenie. Everyone’s passing us and it’s because of you.

Lake Calhoun, 6:30 am
Overheard by I think it’s because I’m running and you’re walking.

Twenty-something woman to friend while carrying kayaks: See, it’s just like a canoe, except you have to paddle on both sides.

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Unless you like going in circles, I suppose.

Female jogger #1: What? I thought you said “aqua”!
Female jogger #2: I did.
Female jogger #1: What’s that?
Female jogger #2: Water.

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by “El Aqua” is Spanish for “The Aqua”

Man: I really want the Mexican at work to get fired. I need more hours.
Woman: Maybe you should call the Feds.
Man: Not a bad idea. Get him deported.
Woman: The Feds came into my work the other day. Apparently this guy I work with is wanted in Ecuador for murder.
Man: No shit!?
Woman: Yeah, and it turns out that the name we were calling him for a year wasn’t his real name. His name isn’t Manuel. And Sally* was trying to hide him and said that Manuel wasn’t at work today. But the Feds saw his car. I didn’t want him to go either… He’s a good cleaner.

South Beach @ Lake Calhoun
Overheard by burying my face in my towel and laughing.

Early-teenaged girl #1: Have you ever thought you were pregnant?
Early-teenaged girl #2: Omigosh, YES. I was going to overdose on vitamin C, because everyone knows that causes the baby to abort itself.
Slightly-older teenaged boy: Um, you can’t overdose on vitamin C. It’s water solubule, which means it’s impossible to overdose with.
*Blank stares from both girls*
Early-teenaged girl #2: … but it turned out I wasn’t pregnant. THAT was a relief. I mean, I wouldn’t want to hurt MYSELF in the process, you know?
Early-teenaged girl #1: Phew, yeah.
*Boy shakes his head and goes in the water*

South beach at Lake Calhoun
Overheard by laughing into my beach towel.

Girl on phone: Well, she can’t come tonight. Last night she sat on a bottle and now she has glass in her ass.

South beach @ Lake Calhoun
Overheard by that bottle had it coming, I guess.

Man in Canoe to his friends in the canoe with him: Hey, you ready to hear another installment from the things that I do in life that you’d never do?

Under a bridge, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Other Canoers.

Younger sunbathing sister (to friend odering food): I’ll have another Dippin’ Dots!
Older sunbathing sister:: No, she won’t.
Younger sister: Why?! Why not?
Older sister: Because it’s bad for you!
Younger sister: (to friend) Banana Split, please.
Older sister: [rolls eyes]
Younger sister: What!? Don’t you want me to eat more ice cream, so you can be the skinny sister?! And I can be the fat one!

Minikahda Country Club, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by she does has a point…

Girl #1: I just want to find a guy I can connect with.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.
Girl #1: Next time, I’m going to make sure that he has the same heartbeat rhythm as me.
Girl #2: Wow, that’s cool.

lake calhoun
Overheard by male runner jogging by and lmao!

Thug #1: (mock fighting) I’d all hit you upside the head with a hammer!
Thug #2: Hey man, my homegirl got murdered with a hammer!

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by hoping thugs don’t read this.