50 yr old meathead I share a cubicle with (on the phone): I was so wasted, and was driving this girl home from the bar and we almost got into an accident.  That would be bad. (pause) Not only would we both get injured, but I would for sure get a DUI!

Maple Grove, my cubicle
Overheard by annoyed co-worker.

Girlfriend to her boyfriend: Oh, and by the way my brother just told me to remind you that he has his shotgun in the house.
Friend to Boyfriend: Doesn’t that worry you that her brother feels the need to remind you he has a gun?
Boyfriend: Not really, she has her own!

Maple Grove, Bonfire
Overheard by well thats good to know.

Woman to daughter: You know, I’m just about ready to get an Obama sign to put in the yard or something!

Maple Grove, Byerly’s parking lot
Overheard by rachel.

Cashier,  holding up bottle of nail polish teenage girl has just purchased: Would you like a bag for this?
Teenage girl, smiling politely: Yes, please.
Friend standing next to her (completely serious): You don’t need to waste a plastic bag for that, don’t you care about the environment?!
Teenage girl: No, I’m a Republican! *takes bag and walks away*

Maple Grove, Ulta
Overheard by She knows politics better than me…

Young 20something reading a text message aloud to her friend who is at the checkout counter: “This is the equivalent to dropping a newborn baby.” (looks at friend) What do I even say to that?!

Maple Grove, Ulta
Overheard by my job is slowly crushing my soul.

Teen talking to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have wacked off into this urinal?

Arbor Lakes AMC
Overheard by Seriously?!

Teenage Girl #1: That would SO never happen. The ugly guy never gets the girl.
Teenage Girl #2: I KNOW. She would so be looking for a hotter guy.
Concerned Mom behind them: They’re robots. It’s a movie, and you missed the point. She loves his personality.
Teenage Girl #1: Fuck personality. I want money and a hot guy.
Guy Staring at Young Teenager: That can be arranged.

AMC Arbor Lakes 16
Overheard by Ironic…who thought that Wall E had a good message.

Teenage girl #1: Anthropologie has such cute clothes.
Teenage girl #2: (enthusiastically) I know. Sometimes I just want to lick the tags!

Arbor Lakes Anthropologie

Matronly cube neighbor: A lot of boys don’t get braces. Tell your son from me, the guys who get braces are hunks.

694 and 94, Maple Grove
Overheard by Hunks?

Man: Did you throw away those Little Smokies?
Pregnant Woman #1: There was only one weenie left.
Pregnant Woman #2: (with a twinkle in her eye) That’s all you need.

Superbowl Party - Maple Grove
Overheard by your mom.

Sixteen year-old boy to friend:: Well, if you need me I’ll be in the bathroom for the next 58 minutes.

borders in maple grove
Overheard by at least there’s plenty of reading material?

20-something guy on cell phone: No, I’m just sitting here waiting with a vibrator in my hand.

granite city lobby, maple grove
Overheard by earmuffs.

A 3 year old to his father: Daddy, I’ve been waiting for Guitar Hero for the Wii since when I was in Mommy’s belly.

Maple Grove Best Buy
Overheard by someone who likes the kid’s style.

Middle-aged man, who came in running and panting, interrupting a sale in progress: My parents are going into a nursing home and I need to pick up the cheapest mattress you have.
Mattress store employee: Okay, that–
Middle-aged man: I don’t expect them to live longer than a year.
Mattress store employee: Okay, that would be our Regency Plus mattress set for $149.
Middle-aged man: Regency Plus? That doesn’t sound very cheap… I get everything for $149? Do you sell anything smaller that I could, say, carry their body on and fit into the coffin?

Original Mattress Factory, Maple Grove
Overheard by Kedster.

Tall Metrosexual Dude: I’m hanging up. I love myself too much to be a part of this conversation any more.

Panera Bread in Maple Grove
Overheard by Ironic, who wonders why love is the problem.

Older Woman to table of friends: Sisters marrying brothers. Brothers marrying sisters. Just like in North Dakota.

Original Pancake House, Maple Grove
Overheard by North is the new South?

Man REALLY enjoying hosing off a car: Man, if it were summer all the time in Minnesota, I wouldn’t need Nintendo, I’d just need a hose.

Maple Grove cul de sac
Overheard by guess he’s a cheap date.

Blonde college girl: Who doesn’t have a middle name?
Brown haired college girl: Slaves!
Blonde college girl: What?
Brown haired college girl: Think about it.

Maple Grove
Overheard by still thinking…

Frustrated dad to silly little daughter: Will you please pretend to cry a little quieter.

DSW/Maple Grove
Overheard by Jason.

Female Friend #1: (jokingly) You better watch out or I’m gonna get you back!
Female Friend #2: Oh really how?
Female Friend #1: I shall attack with noodles!
Female Friend #2: I can’t say that I’d be very afraid of that.
Female Friend #1: It will be like Chinese water torture!
Female Friend #2: Water can hurt! Like at a high velocity, just think of those water jets that cut metal and stuff.
Female Friend #1: Noodles would hurt at high velocity too!

Crux of 494 and 94 - Maple Grove
Overheard by weirdo.