10th October 2008

This Just In From The Land Of “Haven’t Learned The Hard Way Yet”

50 yr old meathead I share a cubicle with (on the phone): I was so wasted, and was driving this girl home from the bar and we almost got into an accident.  That would be bad. (pause) Not only would we both get injured, but I would for sure get a DUI!

Maple Grove, my cubicle
Overheard by annoyed co-worker.

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15th September 2008

Christmas Is A Blast! (Ba Dum Dum)

Girlfriend to her boyfriend: Oh, and by the way my brother just told me to remind you that he has his shotgun in the house.
Friend to Boyfriend: Doesn’t that worry you that her brother feels the need to remind you he has a gun?
Boyfriend: Not really, she has her own!

Maple Grove, Bonfire
Overheard by well thats good to know.

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7th September 2008

Pay Attention, Activists!

Woman to daughter: You know, I’m just about ready to get an Obama sign to put in the yard or something!

Maple Grove, Byerly’s parking lot
Overheard by rachel.

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6th September 2008

Summing It Up

Cashier,  holding up bottle of nail polish teenage girl has just purchased: Would you like a bag for this?
Teenage girl, smiling politely: Yes, please.
Friend standing next to her (completely serious): You don’t need to waste a plastic bag for that, don’t you care about the environment?!
Teenage girl: No, I’m a Republican! *takes bag and walks away*

Maple Grove, Ulta
Overheard by She knows politics better than me…

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20th August 2008

Request Reimbursement For The Text Fee

Young 20something reading a text message aloud to her friend who is at the checkout counter: “This is the equivalent to dropping a newborn baby.” (looks at friend) What do I even say to that?!

Maple Grove, Ulta
Overheard by my job is slowly crushing my soul.

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18th July 2008

Just You, Little Buddy

Teen talking to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have wacked off into this urinal?

Arbor Lakes AMC
Overheard by Seriously?!

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18th July 2008

It Takes Someone Special To Sexualize A Robot

Teenage Girl #1: That would SO never happen. The ugly guy never gets the girl.
Teenage Girl #2: I KNOW. She would so be looking for a hotter guy.
Concerned Mom behind them: They’re robots. It’s a movie, and you missed the point. She loves his personality.
Teenage Girl #1: Fuck personality. I want money and a hot guy.
Guy Staring at Young Teenager: That can be arranged.

AMC Arbor Lakes 16
Overheard by Ironic…who thought that Wall E had a good message.

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15th July 2008

Now I’m Going To Have To Stop Doing That

Teenage girl #1: Anthropologie has such cute clothes.
Teenage girl #2: (enthusiastically) I know. Sometimes I just want to lick the tags!

Arbor Lakes Anthropologie

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26th June 2008

Maybe In 4-5 Years

Matronly cube neighbor: A lot of boys don’t get braces. Tell your son from me, the guys who get braces are hunks.

694 and 94, Maple Grove
Overheard by Hunks?

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4th February 2008

Clearly

Man: Did you throw away those Little Smokies?
Pregnant Woman #1: There was only one weenie left.
Pregnant Woman #2: (with a twinkle in her eye) That’s all you need.

Superbowl Party - Maple Grove
Overheard by your mom.

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31st December 2007

Hey-Ooooh!

Sixteen year-old boy to friend:: Well, if you need me I’ll be in the bathroom for the next 58 minutes.

borders in maple grove
Overheard by at least there’s plenty of reading material?

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31st December 2007

Um, You’re Doing It Wrong

20-something guy on cell phone: No, I’m just sitting here waiting with a vibrator in my hand.

granite city lobby, maple grove
Overheard by earmuffs.

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29th October 2007

There Went Our Last Hope.

A 3 year old to his father: Daddy, I’ve been waiting for Guitar Hero for the Wii since when I was in Mommy’s belly.

Maple Grove Best Buy
Overheard by someone who likes the kid’s style.

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10th August 2007

There’s Still Time To Change The Will!

Middle-aged man, who came in running and panting, interrupting a sale in progress: My parents are going into a nursing home and I need to pick up the cheapest mattress you have.
Mattress store employee: Okay, that–
Middle-aged man: I don’t expect them to live longer than a year.
Mattress store employee: Okay, that would be our Regency Plus mattress set for $149.
Middle-aged man: Regency Plus? That doesn’t sound very cheap… I get everything for $149? Do you sell anything smaller that I could, say, carry their body on and fit into the coffin?

Original Mattress Factory, Maple Grove
Overheard by Kedster.

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7th August 2007

Talk To You Later, Grandma.

Tall Metrosexual Dude: I’m hanging up. I love myself too much to be a part of this conversation any more.

Panera Bread in Maple Grove
Overheard by Ironic, who wonders why love is the problem.

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20th June 2007

They Can’t Help It, Nobody Else Lives Out There.

Older Woman to table of friends: Sisters marrying brothers. Brothers marrying sisters. Just like in North Dakota.

Original Pancake House, Maple Grove
Overheard by North is the new South?

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13th June 2007

Dude, Get A PS3.

Man REALLY enjoying hosing off a car: Man, if it were summer all the time in Minnesota, I wouldn’t need Nintendo, I’d just need a hose.

Maple Grove cul de sac
Overheard by guess he’s a cheap date.

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5th June 2007

From The Land Of The Nonsensical.

Blonde college girl: Who doesn’t have a middle name?
Brown haired college girl: Slaves!
Blonde college girl: What?
Brown haired college girl: Think about it.

Maple Grove
Overheard by still thinking…

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5th March 2007

It’s Not Good For Daddy’s Hangover.

Frustrated dad to silly little daughter: Will you please pretend to cry a little quieter.

DSW/Maple Grove
Overheard by Jason.

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16th January 2007

Only If The Noodles Were Wet.

Female Friend #1: (jokingly) You better watch out or I’m gonna get you back!
Female Friend #2: Oh really how?
Female Friend #1: I shall attack with noodles!
Female Friend #2: I can’t say that I’d be very afraid of that.
Female Friend #1: It will be like Chinese water torture!
Female Friend #2: Water can hurt! Like at a high velocity, just think of those water jets that cut metal and stuff.
Female Friend #1: Noodles would hurt at high velocity too!

Crux of 494 and 94 - Maple Grove
Overheard by weirdo.

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