Guy sitting behind a friend, referring to the Cheerleaders: On a scale from 1-10, how bad do you want to motorboat those f—ers?

Metrodome, Vikings Game on Sunday
Overheard by Anyone sitting within 5 feet.

20-something dude #1: Okay, so what are those numbers there? It says 3-4-1.
20-something dude #2: Yeah, those are the runs, hits, and errors so far in the game.
20-something dude #1: Riiight. Runs, bits, and errors. Okay, so what’s the thing where it says point-288?
20-something dude #2: That’s this guy’s batting average.
20-something dude #1: Yeah, right. Okay. And what’s the thing next to that, where it says five-eleven?

Metrodome, Twins/Tigers play-in game
Overheard by It was a clock. It was eleven minutes after 5pm. Why are you at a baseball game?

Boy who looks to be about 10-12: (In a bragging tone) My dad has been married FIVE times!

Metrodome
Overheard by Is your father Larry King?

6 year old boy to his dad: What’s that yellow ladder for? (gesturing toward the foul pole)
Dad: Oh, that’s so they can change the light bulbs.

Metrodome, Twins game
Overheard by well how else would they change them?

Woman walking to Twins game, gesturing towards a scalper: That guy has tickets for sale. But he probably doesn’t take credit cards.

Metrodome
Overheard by Yeah, you’re probably right.

Twins Fan: There’s no worse people than Brewers fans. Oh wait, maybe Al-Qaeda.

Metrodome
Overheard by yeah, they are pretty bad.

Drunken Milwaukee Brewers fan: If your parents can name you Prince, that’s saying something about you.

Metrodome – Twins/Brewers game
Overheard by I don’t think it’s saying what you think it’s saying.

Guy #1: This stripper won’t stop texting me.
Guy #2, across the room: You better be texting her back.
Guy #1: Don’t worry, I’ve got a 17 year old for you, too.
Guy #2: Too old.
Guy #1: I got a 12 year old who still sleeps with the light on.
Guy #2: PERFECT.

Metrodome Men’s Bathroom
Overheard by Pissed that beer sales ended in the 7th inning and its the 11th.

9-year old boy at Twins game, heckling Blue Jays outfielder Travis Snider: Hey Snider!  You suck!  Why don’t you go back to Snyder Drug and be a pharmacist!

Metrodome
Overheard by Most Obscure Taunt Judge.

Woman, flinging door of bathroom stall open upon finishing: Whoop, there it is!

Metrodome, Twins Home Opener
Overheard by I think I’ll  wait for the  next available…

Young boy at HS football championship game: Grandma brought her knife to the game, but it’s only to cut pizza.

Minneapolis, Metrodome
Overheard by Wondering what she does with a gun.

Very drunk Iowa fan in line to order another beer: Sometimes my poop is green.

Metrodome, Iowa/Minnesota game
Overheard by I’m an Iowa fan too and my poop is normal.

Freshman girl: You know, like when we do that chant, “M-I-N-N-E-S-O-N-A?” It’s great!

Metrodome during Gophers/Wildcats game
Overheard by You couldn’t just read your shirt?

Cute girl, about José Guillén: Send him to the Guillentine!
Tall boyfriend: Good one.

Metrodome – Twins-Royals game
Overheard by They were making fun of player’s names all afternoon.

Girl (who kept saying “fail!” while watching the wave get started) as the wave closes in on our section: Oh my god! Here comes another wave. It’s the epitome of fail!

The Dome for the Twins final reg season game against the Royals
Overheard by Please don’t use “fail” as the noun in a prepositional phrase in casual conversation again.

Male friend to a female friend: Yeah, I’ve found that when they start to get out of hand you just put a little whiskey on the nipple.

Metrodome
Overheard by Context, please?!

Young kid at Twins game, when the Twins were losing: Mom, start a ruckus!

Metrodome
Overheard by me.

Metrodome Announcer: Let’s Get It On!
7-year old kid sitting in the row behind me: That’s what she said! (a few minutes later) Man, I could really go for a cigarette.

Metrodome – Twins Game
Overheard by Wha?

A pessimistic 50-year old man, after the first pitch of the game by Scott Baker was called a ball: Shit, this game is over.

Minneapolis, Metrodome, section 136
Overheard by never mind the subsequent 250 pitches

Girl #1: Are you in here?
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m over here, and guess what? Good news!
Girl #1: You’re all good?
Girl #2: Yeah!

Women’s restroom during Vikings game
Overheard by Now we all know the good news.