Young Woman #1: Why do all serial killers have mustaches?
Young Woman #2: I know! When we were looking at that serial killer book, all of them had mustaches.
Young Woman #1: I’m never dating a guy with a mustache.

Mall of America
Overheard by Kris.

Male Shopper #1: Man! There are three Caribou Coffees in the mall.
Male Shopper #2: Yeah, you need the caffeine to stay awake and make it to all the stores.

Mall of America
Overheard by MOA Ppl Watcher.

Girl, talking about meeting Sarah Palin: Her hair is so shiny, I bet it’s from all of that salmon oil!

Ruby Tuesdays, Mall of America
Overheard by Kelly.

Guy with stroller to other guy with stroller outside Victoria’s Secret: Dude, we need to work on our exit strategy.

Mall of America

Dude looking at fingerless glove/mittens to dude next to him: None of that mitten stuff. If I’m going to do it, I’m going to go balls-to-the-wall and go fingerless.

Mall of America Ragstock
Overheard by balls to the wall?

Teenage boy to friend: Did I tell you the story where I saw gay guys in the Caribou?
Friend: No.
Teenage boy: Yeah, this guy comes up and orders coffee, and he turns around and says, “You want anything honey?” and this other guy is, like, “No.” Then he puts down a few dollars and then a twenty but he puts it back and puts down more singles. Yeah, and when they left he had his arm around the guy or something. It was really weird.

Mall of America
Overheard by cool story sheltered teen.

Crying girl, in line for rollercoaster: It’s gonna make me puke!
Mom to crying girl: It’s not going to make you puke.
Mom’s grown friend to crying girl: When was the last time you ate?
Crying girl: I don’t know!
Mom’s grown friend: See, then you’re not going to puke!

Mall of America
Overheard by Yoshi.

Teen girl #1: Shoplifters will be prosecuted?!?!?! Whoa. Doesn’t that mean they kill you!?!?!
Teen girl #2: That’s executed. God, you’re dumb. I’m gonna tell your mom how dumb you are.

Sears Dressing Room, MOA
Overheard by They maybe execute for stupidity, but not shoplifting.

6 year old boy: Mommy! Mommy, look at that big sea turtle! He’s HUGE! Take a picture!
Mother: No, I’m not going to take a picture. I don’t want a picture of a turtle. If you want a picture of a turtle, you can print one off the internet.

Underwater Adventures, Mall of America
Overheard by two friends who hate bitchy parents.

Blonde standing in line at the Rainforest Cafe: So, this place is, like, a restaurant and a museum all in one.

Mall of America
Overheard by Really? A museum?

Mom to employee: Are we on the first floor or the second?
Employee: First floor.
Mom to daughter: Call dad and tell him we’re on the second floor. It’ll confuse him enough to give us 20 more minutes to shop.

Mall of America
Overheard by Back-to-school shopping in June.

Stoner Guy: So, like, I saw myself in the future, and it was me, but not me, you know? And I was doing stuff, but totally different stuff than the stuff I’m doing now. It really freaked me out.
Friend: Dude. That’s called a goal.

Mall of America
Overheard by Indeed.

Guy on light rail departing from Mall of America: This is the train that goes downtown, right?

Mall of America light rail station
Overheard by jessikate.

Frat Boy to his Frat Boy Friends: Dude, that wheat grass is really fucking me up!

Mall of America, Outside of the men’s bathroom at the movie theatre
Overheard by I don’t think they washed their hands.

Server: Another Blue Moon?
Large man: Nah, I am really full.
Server: Yeah, my dad always says there’s a porkchop in every beer! (awkward silence) He’s from Montana. (walks away)

Mall of America, Rainforest Cafe’
Overheard by My family.

Mid-30’s Guy: Hey Mom, you want to go to underwater world?
Mid-50’s Lady:  I only want to see penguins.
Mid-30’s Guy: They don’t have penguins.  They don’t like to be underwater all the time.
Mid-50’s Lady: I don’t know why the hell I’d want to go then.

Mall of America
Overheard by They have sharks there though. Isn’t that cool?

20-something girl on cell phone: Yeah, sorry, I’m just walking in now. Whoever double parks their douchebaggey SUVs at the Mall of America on a Saturday afternoon deserves to DIE.

MOA, entrance to Nordstrom
Overheard by she makes an excellent point.

White kiosk salesman trying to connect with a couple of black potential customers: I’ve watched a lot of Tyra. And I’ve learned so much from that show!

Mall of America
Overheard by Tyra Banks hater.

Girl #1:  My next Netflix movie is ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’.
(pause)
Girl #2:  That’s a movie title?
Girl #1:  Yeah, have you not heard of it?
Girl #2:  Are you sure you don’t mean ‘Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist’?
Girl #1:  You really think I’d mix up those titles?

MOA
Overheard by Pretty much the same plot line…

Intellectual 8-year-old randomly: In my opinion, anyone who attacks a pirate is just as bad as the pirate.  Right, dad?
Father:  Sure.

MOA
Overheard by I bet he wishes his son talked about basketball.