Little boy: My feet hurt.
Mom: Wait ’til you’re fat and old, then we’ll talk.

West St. Paul, Target
Overheard by DB.

Youngish Kid: Mom! Mom! Can I get a quarter? All the other kids got one.
Mother: (annoyed scoff) Can’t you find one on the ground?

Minneapolis, The Quarry Rainbow
Overheard by 50 cent toy grocery awesomeness.

Concerned mother to rather girly looking son: Do you have a Wii injury?

Crystal, Target
Overheard by Ah, modern day.

Little girl: I want a candy bar.
Her mom: No.
Little girl: Fine, if I don’t get one I’ll shit in your car!

Apple Valley, Target

Woman looking at galoshes, to daughter: Your father has rubbers, but I can never get him to wear them.

Minneapolis, Xmas shopping
Overheard by Andrea.

Mother of a college student: You can’t kill a sick child. You have to wait until they’re well before you kill them.

Spring Lake Park, jobville
Overheard by That’s why I don’t lie to my parents.

Boy around 3-years-old, pointing to Asian man speaking Chinese: Why is that funny man speaking Spanish?
Tired Mom: Let’s play the quiet game again.

IKEA
Overheard by Quiet game champ.

Mom: Rub that [hand sanitizer] on your hands! Gimme some of that! Don’t touch the window! Don’t touch anything! Keep your hands together on your lap or else you’ll get the flu! Why you talkin’ to her? Do you know her? Why you talkin’ to a stranger? Don’t worry ’bout what your sister doin’, worry ’bout what you doin’!
Little Boy: You cwazy. You a good mom, but you cwazy.

4 bus, Uptown
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Frazzled soccer mom: I am going to scrapbook this. You are always whining.

Belle Plaine, Emma Krumbees
Overheard by someone who wonders when scrapbooking became a threat.

Child: Mommy, I want French fries!!!
Mom: It’s way too early in the morning for French fries, you’re getting a hot dog instead.

Lino Lakes, Hay Days Snowmobile Grass Drags
Overheard by Well, isn’t that a smart decision for breakfast..

Little Boy tugging on his testicles: But Mom, dad does it all the time.
Mom: That’s only because I won’t do it for him. Don’t repeat that.

St. Paul, State Fair
Overheard by celibate.

Mom: No candy. I’m serious.
Little girl: What about ice cream?
Mom: No SUGAR.
Little girl: Then what CAN I get?
Mom: CHIPS!

Minneapolis, CVS Pharmacy Franklin & Nicollet
Overheard by Yeah, that’s healthy.

Woman to her son: You know, this is where we lost your grandma once.

Coliseum, Minnesota State Fair
Overheard by amused passersby.

Crying girl, in line for rollercoaster: It’s gonna make me puke!
Mom to crying girl: It’s not going to make you puke.
Mom’s grown friend to crying girl: When was the last time you ate?
Crying girl: I don’t know!
Mom’s grown friend: See, then you’re not going to puke!

Mall of America
Overheard by Yoshi.

Young mom pushing a stroller, to her child: Mommy needs to have a cigarette after this.

Minneapolis, Nicollet Mall
Overheard by Admirer of healthy examples early in life.

Little boy in bathroom stall next to me: Mom! It’s not all coming out!
Mom in stall with boy: It’s okay, just keep trying.
Little boy (crying hysterically): Mom, I can’t get it out! (more crying, flushing) Mom, it didn’t all come out!!!
Mom: It’s okay, I’ll give you some prunes when we get home.

Airport bathroom
Overheard by I like prunes.

4 year old boy: Mom, is God real?
Mom: I dont know, Google it.

Minneapolis, In line at Arby’s
Overheard by When in doubt, use Google.

6 year old boy: Mommy! Mommy, look at that big sea turtle! He’s HUGE! Take a picture!
Mother: No, I’m not going to take a picture. I don’t want a picture of a turtle. If you want a picture of a turtle, you can print one off the internet.

Underwater Adventures, Mall of America
Overheard by two friends who hate bitchy parents.

Little girl in grocery store, jumping up and down with excitement: MOM! MOM!!! Can we get the Hannah Montana cereal?
Mom, to daughter: I’m just gonna buy you Cheerios, and you can sprinkle some glitter on them.

Plymouth, Rainbow Foods
Overheard by …that’s probably healthier than the Hannah Montana variety.

Irritated mom to 3 year old girl: Ok, let’s go get you some panties and get out of here.
Defiant 3 year old girl, screaming: Panties-shmanties! I don’t need any panties!

Brainerd, Target children’s department
Overheard by Giggling behind the Hannah Montana shirts.