Posts Tagged ‘moms’
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There’s One Way To Find Out
Kid: Mom, do we have to be good in here?
Mom, trying to hurry: Yes. We always have to be good in the library.
Kid: Why?
Mom: Because good things happen to good people.
Kid: Why?
Mom, getting frustrated: Because that’s the way things work, honey.
Kid: Is there a God?
Mom, at wit’s end: I sure hope so!St Paul, Merriam Park Library
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There’s No Laughing In Baseball Either
Mom to little kid: This is not the place to have fun.
Minneapolis, exit ramp from Target Field after the 11-1 win against Cleveland
Overheard by Happy Twins Fan. -
That’s Probably Not Going To Help
Mother walking into DSW with young son: Now behave! This isn’t a Chuck E. Cheese!
Mall of America
Overheard by amused employee. -
When Nothing Else Works
Mom, to child: God saw you giving me a hard time. [pause] And Santa, too.
St Paul, Near Macalester
Overheard by Now we know who is really in charge. -
You Can’t Save Everyone
Professor/mom, about her young son: Kids rebel, you know. I’m afraid he’s going to be a Republican when he’s a teenager.
Minneapolis, U of M
Overheard by cl. -
This Will Not Be Another Kohl’s Incident!
Mom: Diego, take your little brother to the bathroom. (they start to walk away) And bring him BACK, too!
Minneapolis, Lake Street Target
Overheard by Specificity is Greatly Appreciated. -
They’re Always Squirming Around
Middle aged woman playing Bar-Bingo: It’s hard to bite your baby!
Brooklyn Park, VFW
Overheard by Aaron. -
Then Let Me Take This Dress Off
Woman, to her toddler son: You ain’t a girl! Stop cryin’!
Minneapolis, Hennepin County Human Services
Overheard by Somebody’s never seen “Free to Be You and Me.” -
She Passionately Told Me To Suck It
Mom to friends: With a kind heart, in a nonjudgemental fashion I passionately told Jane’s mom how ill behaved her child was.
Minneapolis, Anodyne
Overheard by biting my tongue. -
Not If You Keep Breaking My Concentration
Little boy to mother in stall: Mom, what’s taking so long? Are ya poopin?
Mom: I’m still in here. I’ll be out in a second.
Boy: But are ya poopin?
Mom: I’ll be out in a second.
Boy: Yeah, but are ya poopin?Minneapolis, Women’s restroom at Orchestra Hall
Overheard by someone just trying to wash their hands. -
Not Nearly Enough
4-year-old boy sitting in cart putting on sunglasses: Mom, do these make me look bad ass?
Startled mother looking at pens: We don’t talk about that. Wait, where did you get that from??
Boy: Batman. Do these look bad ass?Coon Rapids, Pen asile at Officemax
Overheard by Officemax Employee. -
As A Matter Of Fact…
Girl holding long piece of paper: Will you hold this for me, Mommy?
Mom, with armful of books: Look how much I am carrying, and what you have. Do you think it’s fair to ask me? Are you the Queen of Sheba?Eden Prairie, library parking lot
Overheard by a patron. -
He Goes To Public School
Mother: Wait, how would you know what Magic Hat is?
Son: Why wouldn’t I?
Mother: It’s beer! You’re TWELVE.MSP Airport
Overheard by Atta boy. -
My Favorite Conflict Resolution
Mom to 5-year-old son about his baby teethers: Stop putting those things all over your arms; you’re freaking people out.
Son: You’re freaking ME out!
Mom: We won’t be able to shop here again unless we bring these ladies some booze.Maple Grove, Little Feet Children’s Shoes
Overheard by worker who would gladly accept that offer. -
She Has A Bright Future As A Lawyer
Five-year-old girl sitting directly behind her mom: Mommy. Mommy! Mommy!!!
Mom: Honey, I can’t turn my head 180 degrees. I’m not an owl.
Five-year-old girl: Mommy, knock knock.
Mom: Who’s there?
Five-year-old girl: Who.
Mom: Who who?
Five-year-old girl: I thought you said you weren’t an owl?Mound, Hockey Arena
Overheard by You kiss your mother with that mouth? -
Hold Out For Strawberry
Mother, to her young teenage daughter in the shower area: Do you want to use some of this orange-flavored soap to wash your bum?
St. Paul, YWCA locker room
Overheard by someone who has never tasted orange-flavored soap. -
You Might Offend The Other Sticks
Cute little boy: NICE STICK!!!!!!
His mom: Shhhh, you can’t say that!St. Paul, Swarm game at Xcel
Overheard by get your mind out of the gutter. -
The Tooth Fairy Has High Premiums
Mom to 7 year-old kid: No, sweetie, that’s a grown-up tooth. And when you lose grown-up teeth, you have to pay the tooth fairy to bring you a new one.
St. Paul, Highland Chatterbox
Overheard by Next booth over. -
Not As Much As Last Time
Mom to small child: Now, you didn’t drink any water in the swamp, did you?
Forest Lake, Norman Quack’s Restaurant
Overheard by Better get the Ipecac. -
They Just Take So Long To Cook
Mom, to her kid: What do you want to eat?
Little kid: BUFFALO!
Mom: You mean buffet?
Little kid: NO. A BUFFALO!Minneapolis, Franklin & Nicollet Bus Stop
Overheard by Malarchy.
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