Child #1: Are you gonna sleep on the plane?
Child #2: Yeah.
Child #1, very serious: I’ll wake you if we’re gonna die, OK? I’ll wake you if we’re gonna die.

MSP Airport, during takeoff on a plane bound for Florida
Overheard by Now Afraid to Fly.

Guy dressed like a soldier in Vietnam: I AM a soldier, and this is my fucking M-16! (He indicates a banjo he’s carrying.)
College student: Can your gun fire off a few rounds of Ralph Stanley?
Guy dressed like a soldier in Vietnam: No man… that’s not a bullet; that’s a fucking missile.
College student: So, what’s a nuclear bomb?
Guy dressed like a soldier in Vietnam: The Rainbow Connection!

MSP Airport
Overheard by Ironic, who wonders what kind of scorched Earth the Muppets leave.

Little boy in bathroom stall next to me: Mom! It’s not all coming out!
Mom in stall with boy: It’s okay, just keep trying.
Little boy (crying hysterically): Mom, I can’t get it out! (more crying, flushing) Mom, it didn’t all come out!!!
Mom: It’s okay, I’ll give you some prunes when we get home.

Airport bathroom
Overheard by I like prunes.

Middle-aged guy on cell phone: She says she wants to do large animals.

MSP
Overheard by they never call back, though.

Older man returning from international flight to friend: I just buy a cell phone when I get there. I use it to talk to girls and stuff, you know. Then I just give the phone to my daughter to use until the minutes are up.

MSP
Overheard by Ewww!

Woman to unattentive husband:  …it’s the attack of the radioactive bunnies.  It’s kind of like the spiders, only they’re radioactive.  Do you know what I’m talking about? (silence) The bunnies?

MSP Lindbergh Terminal
Overheard by vennic.

Woman waiting at gate on cell phone: You’ll never guess who I sat next to on my last flight. (millisecond pause) Elton John’s stage manager’s wife!

Minneapolis, Lindberg Terminal
Overheard by she’s so nice in person.

Spoiled girl in the security line: No, it’s not a fake!  Like I would use a fake ID at the AIRPORT! Whatever, I look hot in my ID picture.  Except I, like, have braces.  And I’m going to be buying alcohol with this ID!

MSP Airport
Overheard by um, you are not hot.

High-maintenance middle aged woman after missing her flight: I am VERY upset right now!! I need to get to Orlando. (long pause) ORLANDO!!!!!!!!!

Minneapolis, Airport

Irate mother: No, you don’t understand.  I need to board that plane now!
Stewardess at gate: Ma’am, you cannot board now.  There is no airplane at the end of the jetway.  Look – no plane out there.

MSP airport, American Airlines gate
Overheard by delayed flights always make me irrational too.

Officer, to sleeping guy in bathroom stall: Hey, are you okay?
Drunk guy: Yep, I’m cool.
Officer: You need to come out of there.
Drunk guy: Hold on, I’m playing poker with all my buddies in here. They suck at it!

MSP Airport
Overheard by Luckily I didn’t use that stall.

NWA Stewardess: Want anything to drink?
Passenger: Uh, what do you have?
NWA Stewardess: Beer, orange juice, water…
Passenger: I’ll have a beer.
NWA Stewardess: What kind?
Passenger: (not having memorized drink menu) Uh, Heineken?
NWA Stewardess: We don’t have Heineken.  Not on domestic flights.
Passenger: (staring at her) Well, what kind do you have?
NWA Stewardess: (rolling eyes) Budweiser, MGD, and Firebrick.
Passenger: I guess I’ll have that last one.
NWA Stewardess: I don’t remember what I said.
Two passengers beside him: FIREBRICK.

Somewhere over Minneapolis, Northwest Airlines flight to Idaho
Overheard by sxoidmal.

25-year old Guy #1: Dude, I saw these super hot chicks on the U of M campus today.  Like, super ridiculously hot.
Guy #2: What were you doing on campus?
25-year old Guy #1: I don’t know, but they were hot.

Humphrey Terminal Station
Overheard by weak end.

Father: You need to empty your bladder before the flight!
Daughter: (high voice) I don’t wanna!!!
Father: (unashamedly getting louder) You NEED to empty your bladder before the flight!

MSP Airport

Woman on phone: Hey, remind me when you get that thing on your back checked out to have a look at that other gooey thing. Cuz that’s a boo boo that needs to be checked out right away.

Minneapolis-St Paul airport
Overheard by SCH.

Crazy Woman on cell phone: Yeah you know, I just… I really think we’re meant to be together. I can’t stop thinking about you. I
mean I feel bad I lost you. (brief pause) But I mean I saw this psychic and she said we’re totally meant to be, so yeah. (pause again) Well, I mean if you don’t care that I slept with so many guys while we were together maybe we could try again?

Plane before taking off
Overheard by Aiden.

Teenager to dad: Are the pilots professionals?

Boarding a NWA flight from Mpls to Vegas
Overheard by Samantha.

Little Boy #1:  How much do you weigh?
Little Boy #2:  I weigh 60!
Little Boy #1:  I weigh less than you, I weigh 70!

Where: MSP Airport
Overheard by: glad to see No Child Left Behind is working effectively…

Very Old Black Woman #1:  And you know, you know what they did? They took my apple juice.  They wouldn’t let me take my apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  They let me take my booze, because I’m diabetic.
Very Old Black Woman #1:  They took my apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  You gotta tell ‘em you’re diabetic.  They let me keep my booze, you gotta tell ‘em.
Very Old Black Woman #1:  I told them I was diabetic! They took it.  It had a little, a little straw coming out.  (To gate attendant) Did you know they took my apple juice?  It had a straw.
Gate Attendant (who has been listening to the exchange):  I will go right now and buy you a  bottle of apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2 (to gate attendant):  She’s diabetic.
(A few minutes later)
Gate Attendant:  They didn’t have apple juice, is cranberry juice okay?
Very Old Black Woman #1:  Did you really go get that?
Very Old Black Woman #2:  Did he really get it?
Very Old Black Woman #1:  Well, he’s my friend.  Course he did.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  Ohhh my goodness.  You GIRL.  You still got it.

Humphrey Terminal, MSP
Overheard by waiting to board.

Lady in Line at TSA Checkpoint: Excuse me where is the bathroom where is the bathroom where people get all the ’special encounters’.
TSA Guy: It’s the next bathroom, past the other bathroom over there. [points in direction of restroom]
Lady: Okay… Thanks!

Minneapolis Airport
Overheard by Larry Craig Made our Airport Famous.