Woman on the phone: No, it’s just a reserve reservation.

Minneapolis, Punch Pizza
Overheard by Free Pizza!

Guy who seems to be selling pirated movies, on his cellphone: I didn’t like that title. They shouldn’t have called the second one “Fast and Furious.” It’s too much like “The Fast and The Furious”, the first one. They should’ve called it Faster and More Furious; I think that would’ve worked better.

Light Rail
Overheard by Wow just Wow.

Lady on cellphone while filling out papers: If this government job doesn’t work out I can always try stand up.

Minneapolis, Government Center

30-something guy on cell: I would rather just sit around than cut off flesh from carcasses.

St. Paul, Blockbuster

Woman on cell phone: Yeah, during the hurricane they evacuated everyone so nobody was home and he was breaking into their homes, so they put a warrant out on him.

Minneapolis, Downtown LRT
Overheard by Hopes its just a naughty relative of yours.

Man shouting into cell phone: I’m on the bus, man. Some dude who looks like Jesus let me use his phone.

Minneapolis, 16 route
Overheard by glad to be on a holy bus.

Man walking by classroom on phone: I’ve done it all over, even out of state.

St. Paul, Concordia St. Paul Classroom
Overheard by I’m intriguied by your experience.

College girl on phone: Well, did you make him pay you? (pause) Then you’re not a hooker, you’re just a slut.

St. Paul, University of Minnesota Campus
Overheard by Neither One.

High school girl on cell phone: Girl, I can’t be gettin’ on the Lake Street stop ’cause that punk ass bitch pressed charges! (pause) I know, all I did was stab her; what the hell she gettin’ the cops involved for? (pause) Yeah, and the train be real crowded. I’ma snap again.

Lightrail
Overheard by unfortante person standing next to you.

Man with a Southern drawl shouting on his cellphone: Honey, I am telling you, there is NO WAY a man can push a baby out of his unit! (pauses to shake head) I don’t care what you saw on Oprah. There is simply no way that THAT hole can stretch that much!

3A- Eastbound from U of MN, smashed between friendly neighborhood drunk and sleepy student
Overheard by Well if Oprah says its possible…

Classy woman wearing too much blush, on her cellphone: You got your court date, too?

Minneapolis, Downtown Target
Overheard by Lindsay, Tess and Kevin.

Girl ranting on cellphone: Ugggh. So, now she’s all, like, angry and premenopausal.

Plymouth, Wayzata High School
Overheard by Technically, so are you…

Freshman girl on phone: So, she was telling me that she is only into insane guys. Like, the example she used was Batman, you know, from that movie?

Minneapolis, Frontier Hall
Overheard by people need someone to be insane.

Girl on phone: Good news! My uterus is a desolate wasteland.

Minneapolis, 17 Bus downtown
Overheard by Another empty uterus.

Gangster douche-bag on phone: Yeah, I just want to find someone to kiss, someone to talk to, someone to make sweet love to. (gets done with conversation, hangs up phone) Damn, I want to have sex with that girl! She’s so hot!

Minneapolis, Bus Stop, Nicollet Ave
Overheard by I think saying “make sweet love to” instead of “have sex with” helped your cause.

Strung out older man on cell: His name is Orgasm. I was drunk when I named him.

Minneapolis, Muddy Waters, 24th and Lyndale
Overheard by you could rename him.

Man on cellphone: It isn’t ebola. (pause) What she say? She got money for me to come down? What do you mean she doesn’t?

Minneapolis, bus shelter
Overheard by I’d keep him at a distance too.

Young lady talking on her cell phone: We’re going to put Visine in her drink so she can’t go out with us. I heard it makes people really sick if you put it in there.

Minneapolis, The Quarry Target
Overheard by With friends like that, who needs enemies?

20 something guy on his phone: Yeah, dude, drunk and condoms just don’t go together. You already can’t feel shit and then the condom just makes it worse.

Minneapolis, Nicollet and 14th
Overheard by Yeah, cause being 20 something and having a baby is the smarter choice… Keep it in your pants.

Museum guard on the telephone: What? You say you’re in the museum? Someone stole your sandwich? No, I will not send out security for your sandwich.

Minneapolis Institute of Arts
Overheard by Did the assailant look hungry?