Middle Aged Man walking dog: Come on, Queenie. Everyone’s passing us and it’s because of you.

Lake Calhoun, 6:30 am
Overheard by I think it’s because I’m running and you’re walking.

Man #1 looking at pictures: You had a bike with you in the boundary waters?
Man #2 showing pictures: No, that’s a canoe.
Man #1: Really? It kind of looked like a bike for a second.

Hidden Beach

Twenty-something woman to friend while carrying kayaks: See, it’s just like a canoe, except you have to paddle on both sides.

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Unless you like going in circles, I suppose.

20-something girl on cell phone: Hey yea! Come to the beach and we’ll set you on fire!

hidden beach-uptown
Overheard by don’t think the cops will approve.

Man–apparently serious–calling loudly to nearby friend from inside portable toilet: I can’t figure out how to flush this thing.

Lake Hiawatha

Lifeguard, caring a shovel from Lake Nokomis: Well, no one will ever be able to find that again.

Lake Nokomis beach
Overheard by Still Playing Scrabble on the beach.

Twelve year old girl #1: Oh man, the sunscreen opened up in my bag. I’m going to sue Banana Boat. It got on my gum and my lip gloss.
Twelve year old girl #2: Yeah, but at least the Old Maid cards are waterproof.

Lake Nokomis beach

Female jogger #1: What? I thought you said “aqua”!
Female jogger #2: I did.
Female jogger #1: What’s that?
Female jogger #2: Water.

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by “El Aqua” is Spanish for “The Aqua”

Man: I really want the Mexican at work to get fired. I need more hours.
Woman: Maybe you should call the Feds.
Man: Not a bad idea. Get him deported.
Woman: The Feds came into my work the other day. Apparently this guy I work with is wanted in Ecuador for murder.
Man: No shit!?
Woman: Yeah, and it turns out that the name we were calling him for a year wasn’t his real name. His name isn’t Manuel. And Sally* was trying to hide him and said that Manuel wasn’t at work today. But the Feds saw his car. I didn’t want him to go either… He’s a good cleaner.

South Beach @ Lake Calhoun
Overheard by burying my face in my towel and laughing.

Girl #1: So how about you? Aren’t you dating that one guy?
Girl #2: (laughing) I’m not dating anyone! What guy??
Girl #1: The one in that band, I thought you liked each other.
Girl #2: (groaning) Let’s not even talk about it.
Girl #1: Why?
Girl #3: (piping up in background): He’s a TURTLE, that’s why!
Girl #1: What??
Girl #2: Shhhhh, stop talking about it. (looking into the woods) You never know, he may be able to hear us.

hidden beach
Overheard by is he really a turtle?

Blonde woman to parents: Pretend I’m smarter than you think I am.

The Lake
Overheard by She Really Is.

Man and woman walk their dog by 3 teens with a puppy. Puppy starts barking.
Teen with the puppy: Shut up, Nigga! Shut up, Nigga!
Man a few seconds later: Do you think that might have been the dog’s name?

NE park
Overheard by saddened by the possibility.

Early-teenaged girl #1: Have you ever thought you were pregnant?
Early-teenaged girl #2: Omigosh, YES. I was going to overdose on vitamin C, because everyone knows that causes the baby to abort itself.
Slightly-older teenaged boy: Um, you can’t overdose on vitamin C. It’s water solubule, which means it’s impossible to overdose with.
*Blank stares from both girls*
Early-teenaged girl #2: … but it turned out I wasn’t pregnant. THAT was a relief. I mean, I wouldn’t want to hurt MYSELF in the process, you know?
Early-teenaged girl #1: Phew, yeah.
*Boy shakes his head and goes in the water*

South beach at Lake Calhoun
Overheard by laughing into my beach towel.

Girl on phone: Well, she can’t come tonight. Last night she sat on a bottle and now she has glass in her ass.

South beach @ Lake Calhoun
Overheard by that bottle had it coming, I guess.

Boater: Can I drown your baby?
Mother: I’m sorry…what?
Boater: My friend says I can’t drown a baby, and I want to prove him wrong. Your kid’s ugly, so can I drown him?
Mother: I’m getting a cop.

Twin Lake
Overheard by Ironic, who quickly hid his kid.

Man in Canoe to his friends in the canoe with him: Hey, you ready to hear another installment from the things that I do in life that you’d never do?

Under a bridge, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Other Canoers.

Younger sunbathing sister (to friend odering food): I’ll have another Dippin’ Dots!
Older sunbathing sister:: No, she won’t.
Younger sister: Why?! Why not?
Older sister: Because it’s bad for you!
Younger sister: (to friend) Banana Split, please.
Older sister: [rolls eyes]
Younger sister: What!? Don’t you want me to eat more ice cream, so you can be the skinny sister?! And I can be the fat one!

Minikahda Country Club, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by she does has a point…

Metrosexual guy: I’ve decided from now on I’m only going to make friends with people who are like, 21 to 23 years old… they’re just SO much easier to take advantage of, you know?
Friend: Really?
Metrosexual guy: Totally. You’re missing out, man.

Hidden Beach

Teenage girl, after reading jokey “Ice cream is 100% magma-free” sign at concession stand: What’s magma?

Nokomis beach
Overheard by Trumpy.

Teenage Girl: Oh my gosh! Is that a llama in the water? It is! Look! Theres a llama in the water! Oh wait, no, it’s just a dock.

Madison Lake
Overheard by 20/20 vision.