Little girl: Why do all the players have tattoos?
Adult: Because their parents didn’t love them.

South Minneapolis, Vikings playoff party
Overheard by Jeanne.

Party guest: In Soviet Russia, Slim Jim snap into YOU!

Friendly Fridley, House of partay
Overheard by Comrade.

Drunk 20-something guy: Well, now you know all about my sexcapades. They’re like the Ice Capades, but with penises.

Plymouth, house party
Overheard by was there choreography?

U of M employee during white elephant gift exchange: OH MY GOD! Peggy* got a Snuggie!!

St. Paul, U of M administrative holiday party
Overheard by guest.

Firedancer to other firedancer: Ummm, do you have a lighter, Helen?

East Bethel, Private party
Overheard by That’s probably gonna enhance the performance.

Extraordinarily drunk guy, while peeing on a fence: BEHOLD! The wonders of my PBR sprinkler!!!

NE Minneapolis, House party
Overheard by I refer to it as my “godstick”.

Guy in line for food, to another guy: I’ll grab your bun if you grab my wiener.

Blaine, Family Birthday Celebration
Overheard by BigDubb.

Teenage girl to friend: I’m pretty sure girls don’t get horny. Because, y’know. Sex isn’t fun for the girl. So why would she get horny for it?

Edina, Birthday party
Overheard by Then what have I been feeling?

Dude: I’m gonna drive Suzy* home.
Chick: Are you good to drive?
Dude: Is a little Dutch boy good to put his finger in the dam?

Minneapolis, House Party in Lowry Hill
Overheard by My BlackBerry is a designated driver.

Slightly drunken father-of-the-graduate: Well, Andy’s got a job over at Best Buy. He works in the electronics department.

Eagan, Graduation Party
Overheard by not the fabric department?

30-something dude #1: Ugh, can you imagine Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito having sex. He’s such a gross person.
30-something dude #2: I’d like to make a clay sculpture of that.

Minneapolis, The Murals apartments
Overheard by My BlackBerry was enjoying this BBQ until it lost it’s appetite upon hearing this.

Semi-drunk fellow: Yeah! And that stupid chick tried to tell me that Leeann Chin was her aunt!
Semi-drunk friend: Well, you believed her, didn’t you?
Semi-drunk fellow: NO! I pretended to so I’d get some.  I mean, she isn’t even Asian!

Maple Grove, house party
Overheard by Leeann’s chin.

Party host, entering the room with a flourish: Can I ask you an honest question?  I don’t care if you lie to me.

St. Louis Park, house party
Overheard by Honestly, I’m confused.

Drunk guy, to girlfriend: Honey, are we married?
Drunk girlfriend: No, we’re drunk.

St. Paul, House Party
Overheard by a.lil.

Woman: Hey, did you guys know that Eric Clapton is known for being a really good guitarist?

Northeast Minneapolis, 2008 Superbowl party at my house
Overheard by DonaldDouchebag.

30-something woman: She was like, “Bend over, wow, it’s tacos for dinner.”

Minneapolis, Linden Hills, house party
Overheard by My Blackberry just lost its appetite.

Female co-worker on her cell in the break room: I still couldn’t get into the party even after bribing the bouncer with Timberwolves tickets, and they just about won the other night!

Minneapolis, private party
Overheard by Kevin McHale.

Guy on cell phone: Yeah, he said because you insulted him you need to bring beer.
Friend to guy: And porn.
Guy into cell: And he says you need to bring porn. (then to friend) Do you want straight porn?
Friend:  I don’t know what that means, but I definitely want a plot.

Minneapolis, House party
Overheard by who really cares?

Girlfriend:  I NEVER clog the toilet.
Boyfriend:  Oh yeah, what about that time after Subway?
10 year old bystander:  Talk about a 5 dollar footlong.

Slayton, Christmas Party
Overheard by Heh.

60ish man to his adult daughter while listening to music: Ooh! Is this Ella Fitzgerald?
Daughter: Uh no, it’s Rod Stewart.

Minneapolis, a Christmas party
Overheard by I didn’t know Ella wrote “Maggie Mae”!