Used to be skinny, senior girl: Ugh, I just hate all these freshmen who think they have such hot vaginas.

Carleton Party
Overheard by hot freshman.

Female in bathroom at New Years party after a lot of noise and breaking glass: Ok, that happened for two reasons. One: there are too many people in the bathroom. And two: having only two bamboo shoots in a glass vase is just not feng shui.

Grand & 29th
Overheard by Why wasn’t I invited?

Girl walking into living room, ball is being dropped; clock says 11:59:22: What? There’s 11 more minutes left?!

cottage grove new year’s party
Overheard by so glad the public school system worked for me.

High School Guy: I have so much pent-up emotion!

18th Birthday Party in Burnsville
Overheard by Just Let it Out, Man.

Drunk guy: I was in a treatment facility once.
Not drunk guy: Should you be drinking now?
Drunk guy: Oh, booze wasn’t my problem. I’m from Iowa.
Not drunk guy: Meth, then?
Drunk guy: How’d you know?

uptown house party
Overheard by just a hunch.

Woman talking about her daughter to a friend: I liked it better when she thought she was a lesbian. Now that she thinks she’s straight, I have to worry about her fucking up her life. What if she gets pregnant? I guess the good thing is, I’ll get me some grandkids. And I’m going to be the best fucking grandma anyone could have!

birthday party
Overheard by pass me a tofurkey burger…

Extremely drunk mohawk clad guy to uninterested, sober friend who’s not listening: Hey! What are you doing over there? Hey! Hey you f**king buttpirate! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call you a buttpirate.
Sober uninterested friend: Huh?

Nordeast bbq
Overheard by Cut that guy off.

Man #1: So, what do you guys do about keeping the restaurant clean?
Man #2: Uh… we got a mop.
Man #1: No, like what policies and procedures do you adhere to, to maintain Department of Health standards?
Man #2: You mean like rubbing alcohol and shit?

Orange house
Overheard by Enrico Suave.

Man: So, how do you like the Boca burger?
Woman: Well, it’s okay. Except for the texture…and the taste…

BBQ

Teenage boy talking to friend: What are the signs of cancer?
Girl: I don’t know, drowsiness, excessive bleeding or being tired all the time.
Boy: I’m tired right NOW!
Girl: Well, it is 2 am.

Party in St. Paul
Overheard by girls are so much smarter than boys.

College Guy: No wonder Matt can’t get a date- his best line is ‘Do you want a badly damaged brat?’

BBQ in the Suburbs

Grandmother: This salad is just wonderful.
Mid-twenty-something woman: Yes, but it has raisins in it. I don’t eat raisins.
Grandmother: What? Why?
Mid-twenty-something woman: I’ve always felt bad for them. They once were so full of life and then the sun sucked their souls out and left… this.

Father’s Day BBQ - Mtka.
Overheard by SisterSayWhat?

Girl #1: What’s up with Katie?
Girl #2: She’s an emu. Emus cut themselves.

Golden Valley graduation party

Drunk girl, clutching her head: Why does every party I go to end in a gay orgy?

uptown house party
Overheard by good question.

Drunk hipster guy to another: No, man! No hands this time! Just chests!

Private Party
Overheard by Great Glasses.

Over-dramatic honor student arguing at a party: I’m just a footnote to you!

indie kid house party
Overheard by i prefer works cited pages.

Insecure Girl: I got a new driver’s license today. I lied about my weight.
Guy #1: Let me guess. You said 125.
Guy #2: 125 yeah right!!! Unless those tits are filled with helium you ain’t a hair under 140.

House Party/ Dinkytown
Overheard by I wonder why she’s insecure.

Guy #1: So I met this dude who’s cat could play catch with him.
Guy #2: I don’t think so dude.
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Cats don’t have opposable thumbs dummy.
Guy #3: What’s that?

A friends party
Overheard by Opposable thumbs.

Party Girl: What is that green drink called that makes you hallucinate?
Party Boy: Oh! Abstinence!

House Party

Almost drunk guy: That’s the German internet… messenger pidgeons.

House beer party
Overheard by Oook.