Dad to son: Buddy, you have to breathe. You can’t hold your breath forever.
Son: No! I’m never going to breathe again. I hate it!
Dad: …Sounds good.

Fridley, Lifetime Fitness Pool
Overheard by kaybay.

20-something guy: That’s why Mickey Mantle died; he had no livers.

Apartment pool in St. Louis Park
Overheard by livers to spare.

Overenthusiastic mom with five kids: Don’t you just love this job?!
Tired teenage lifeguard: Ma’am, this job is the best form of birth control ever.
Oldest of the five kids: Yeah, my mom was never a lifeguard.

Aquatic Center
Overheard by Fellow Lifeguard.

Blondie: I looked for inner beauty in my belly button, but all I found was lint.

The Poolhouse, St Peter
Overheard by BAFO.