Octogenarian sitting behind me: Well, she had a shitty attitude, and I thought the Germans were bad!

Padelford Riverboat Tour in St. Paul.
Overheard by Old people are hilarious.

Guy: Your hair is poofy.
Girl: Thanks. *shakes hair*
Guy: Now it’s even worse!
Girl #2: John*, you should compliment girls on their hair, or their nails or shoes. They like that.
Guy: Jane*, your nails are annoying!
Girl #2: That’s not a compliment!
Guy #2: Is ‘your nails grow’ a compliment?

Chan Jam-Chan Rec center

Vendor in Adjacent Booth to Co-Worker While Examining Crowd: It’s as if someone detonated a redneck bomb, and we’re standing at ground zero.

St. Paul Home and Patio Show
Overheard by NASCAR Team Jackets are NOT Ok.

Old lady #1: Did you get your hearing back?
Old lady #2: Huh?
Old lady #1: DID YOU GET YOUR HEARING BACK?
Old lady #2 then just walks away

Hopkins senior center
Overheard by overheard perfection.

Yoga instructor: It probably feels a little bit better when someone else does it to you than when you do it to yourself.
Class member (under their breath): Ain’t that the truth.

Yoga Center of MPLS
Overheard by well… it depends.

Kid emerging from bathroom stall at language camp: Hey, guys, I found out my flashlight’s waterproof!

Concordia Language Village, Bemidji
Overheard by Remind me not to borrow that.

Tiny 8-year-old swimmer to an experienced older swimmer: Are you doing butterfly in the relay?
Experienced swimmer: Yes.
8-year-old: Are you good at it?
Experienced swimmer, pausing: No, not really.
8-year-old: Oh. That’s ok, I started out like that too.

St. Michael swim meet
Overheard by older swimmer’s friend.

Nice looking guy out with friends: I want my friends to get used to me breaking promises. I like to ease them into the disappointment that is friendship with Matt.

Cedar Cultural Center
Overheard by Too bad for them.

Minnesota fan: Goldy must be a woman today, he’s very slender. Goldy’s a lesbian today!

Minnesota/Iowa basketball game
Overheard by Proud that I am an Iowa fan.

Excited and precocious 4-year old girl to bride: Where’s your husband?
Bride (indicating husband): Right over there.
Precocious 4-year old girl (seemingly disappointed): Oh.

Chanhassen Country (not Inn &) Suites
Overheard by Kids say the darndest things.

Preschool girl on dad’s shoulders: But not all deer are nice.
Dad: No… not all of them.
Preschool girl on dad’s shoulders: Some deer are evil.
Dad: Right, some deer ARE evil.

Deer exhibit/The Sportsman’s Show
Overheard by adam.

Snowboarder getting on lift: Duuuuude, are we gonna go hardcore right this time?

Lutsen
Overheard by not so hardcore.

40-something douchebag #1: So, you doin’ anything later?
40-something douchebag #2: Yeah, Michelle and I are having dinner.
40-something douchebag #1: Oh? You’re still seeing her? How long has it been now?
40-something douchebag #2: It’s our ten month on Monday.
40-something douchebag #1: Wow. 10 months. Must be getting serious. You’d better dump her before you have to buy her a Christmas gift.

Surly Brewing Co
Overheard by noticing that the first guy was not wearing a wedding ring.

Guy #1: Do you still shave your legs?
Guy #2: No, it was just a phase.

Mady’s bowl and lounge
Overheard by wow.

Excited man: I’ve been looking all over for you! Now I’m going to wear you like a coat!

St. Paul Art Crawl
Overheard by A coat? Really?

Ditsy brunette looking in the mirror: Oh my god, for a second I was, like, that girl looks just like me!

Gastoff’s Octoberfest Lameness
Overheard by Filled with anxiety.

Highschool dude: If you want good weed, ask the janitors at Chaska.
Dubious highschool girl: Hmm.
Highschool dude: THEY WILL SELL YOU WEED, MAN!!!

American Karate Studio
Overheard by mental note made, buddy.

Man: I’ma take this corncob and shove it up some m*therf*cker’s ass.

After an Aquatennial Parade, 4th and Nicollet
Overheard by hybrid fat-n-sassy.

Married woman: Yeah… I’m glad I don’t have a penis.
Single woman: Oh god, me too. But I sure would like regular access to one.
Married woman (looking sideways at husband): Yeah, but sometimes the sacrifices you have to make to get it are just too great.

Cooking club
Overheard by Garage girl #1.

8-year-old girl #1 (tying scarf around her head): We’re going to look like gangstas!
8-year-old girl #2 (also tying scarf around her head): Like what?
8-year-old girl #1: Like gangstas!
8-year-old girl #2: What’s a gangsta?
8-year-old girl #1: It’s a gangster.
8-year-old girl #2: Oh.
8-year-old girl #1: Like The Jets.
8-year-old girl #2: (suddenly understanding) Oh, okay!

Dressing room at a dance show
Overheard by I think they paid a little TOO much attention to West Side Story.