Drunk, white trash guy: No, girl! That was my step-daddy! My real daddy’s a gang banger. Shiiiiiiiit, girl.

Shakopee, Trail of Terror, Hayride

Boy on hay ride who has arranged a small pumpkin and a bag of apples to rest beside him: Hey mom, check it out! I got a little pumpkin and apple garden! Oh, yeah.

Hastings, Afton Apple Orchard
Overheard by sxoidmal.

6-year-old boy: MOM!  I WANT A COOKIE.
Mom: If you don’t start behaving you’re going to turn into a deep-fried boy on a stick at the state fair.

Wayzata, Yacht Club

Sam:  Fred, come frolic with me.
Fred stuffing himself:  Sam, I can’t frolic while eating.

Virginia, MN, Loading Bikes for Great River Energy Bike Tour
Overheard by That would be an impediment.

Teenage girl sitting on curb: 37!
Her dad sitting next to her: Where? I need to see it to validate it.
Teenage girl: Over there, see the woman is holding it. Sort of like, “I didn’t want to get sweat marks from my fanny pack but it’s so cute I have to carry it with me anyway”.
Dad: Oooh I see it! 38!

Uptown art fair
Overheard by fanny pack #45.

Tan 8-year old boy: I don’t need sunblock, I’M A MAN!

Hidden Valley Campground
Overheard by That’s my kind of man.

Man #1 discussing religion: The Baptists tried to drown me when I was 12.  I still haven’t forgiven them.
Man #2 (dead serious): They tried to drown you?
Man #1: No. That’s how they… Never mind.

One of the Three Art Fairs
Overheard by At least it didn’t involve a burlap sack.

5 year old boy: What do people eat in Egypt?
5 year old girl: Nothing! They don’t eat anything in Egypt!

Southwest Super Summer Program
Overheard by clarodactyl.

Child, selling refreshments: You want one?
50-year-old man: Nah, I’m already loaded.

Stillwater Lumberjack Days
Overheard by The young man wearing a white tie.

Octogenarian sitting behind me: Well, she had a shitty attitude, and I thought the Germans were bad!

Padelford Riverboat Tour in St. Paul.
Overheard by Old people are hilarious.

Guy: Your hair is poofy.
Girl: Thanks. *shakes hair*
Guy: Now it’s even worse!
Girl #2: John*, you should compliment girls on their hair, or their nails or shoes. They like that.
Guy: Jane*, your nails are annoying!
Girl #2: That’s not a compliment!
Guy #2: Is ‘your nails grow’ a compliment?

Chan Jam-Chan Rec center

Vendor in Adjacent Booth to Co-Worker While Examining Crowd: It’s as if someone detonated a redneck bomb, and we’re standing at ground zero.

St. Paul Home and Patio Show
Overheard by NASCAR Team Jackets are NOT Ok.

Old lady #1: Did you get your hearing back?
Old lady #2: Huh?
Old lady #1: DID YOU GET YOUR HEARING BACK?
Old lady #2 then just walks away

Hopkins senior center
Overheard by overheard perfection.

Yoga instructor: It probably feels a little bit better when someone else does it to you than when you do it to yourself.
Class member (under their breath): Ain’t that the truth.

Yoga Center of MPLS
Overheard by well… it depends.

Kid emerging from bathroom stall at language camp: Hey, guys, I found out my flashlight’s waterproof!

Concordia Language Village, Bemidji
Overheard by Remind me not to borrow that.

Tiny 8-year-old swimmer to an experienced older swimmer: Are you doing butterfly in the relay?
Experienced swimmer: Yes.
8-year-old: Are you good at it?
Experienced swimmer, pausing: No, not really.
8-year-old: Oh. That’s ok, I started out like that too.

St. Michael swim meet
Overheard by older swimmer’s friend.

Nice looking guy out with friends: I want my friends to get used to me breaking promises. I like to ease them into the disappointment that is friendship with Matt.

Cedar Cultural Center
Overheard by Too bad for them.

Minnesota fan: Goldy must be a woman today, he’s very slender. Goldy’s a lesbian today!

Minnesota/Iowa basketball game
Overheard by Proud that I am an Iowa fan.

Excited and precocious 4-year old girl to bride: Where’s your husband?
Bride (indicating husband): Right over there.
Precocious 4-year old girl (seemingly disappointed): Oh.

Chanhassen Country (not Inn &) Suites
Overheard by Kids say the darndest things.

Preschool girl on dad’s shoulders: But not all deer are nice.
Dad: No… not all of them.
Preschool girl on dad’s shoulders: Some deer are evil.
Dad: Right, some deer ARE evil.

Deer exhibit/The Sportsman’s Show
Overheard by adam.