Man Stumbling Into Apartment Elevator: Whaaa floor?
Twenty-something woman: Uh, two.
Man Stumbling Into Elevator: Man, that floor sucks.

Saint Paul, Just Another Downtown Apartment Building
Overheard by So why’d he get off on the same floor?

Chick Watching Shamwow Commercial: Damn, you could take that on a trip with you and piss into it!

Columbia Heights, Apartment Party
Overheard by Why the hell is my BlackBerry in Anoka County?!

8-Year-Old Friend: So, is the birthday party going to be fun?
6-Year-Old Daughter: Yeah!
8-Year-Old Friend: Who knows? It could be a disaster!

Minneapolis, Our Living Room
Overheard by Working Hard to Make it A Fun Party.

Roomie Numero Uno: So, is your greatest strength still spooning??
Roomie Numero Due: I TOLD YOU, we’re not getting a cat!

Minneapolis, Como
Overheard by Roomie Numero Tre.

Roommate #1: But if she has a denty-face…
Roommate #2: Well, that has no bearing on her sphincter.

U of M apartment
Overheard by Roommate #3.

Ditsy girl talking to friend: Well, my boyfriend… and I don’t know if you know this but a lot of guys, when they drink, wet the bed.

Melrose Apartment Complex, U of M
Overheard by No sweetie, that’s just what he tells you.

Guy #1: Yeah, getting crabs would suck.
Guy #2: Totally. But AIDS would suck worse. There’s no shampoo for AIDS.

Minneapolis, North Loop Apartment
Overheard by Too soon? I think so…

Enthusiastic garage sale shopper (holding up socks): These are so CLEAN!  How you keep your socks so CLEAN?!?!
Sock seller: Largely by… not wearing them.

NE Minneapolis, garage sale
Overheard by It increases their value.

Drunk Dude: Do you ever want to have Tourette’s and be like ‘fuck it, fuck it, fuck it’?

Minneapolis, Front porch of house
Overheard by Blackbberry ‘n’ me.

College Roommate #1: Dude… I think I dress like Hanson.
Roommate #2: I can’t talk to you anymore!

Minneapolis, Room next to the kitchen
Overheard by Roomie #3.

Short-haired college girl (to guy friend): So, is it okay if I fart in front of you?
Guy friend: (pause) Well, you’re gay right?  Then I guess it’s okay.

St Paul, House off of E2
Overheard by a.lil.

20-something, while at his friend’s house in St. Paul: Oh yeah, sorry.  Sometimes I forget St. Paul exists.
St. Paulite: Oh, so you’re one of THOSE.
Other friend: Yeah, sometimes I forget it exists, too.
St. Paulite: But you live in St. Paul!

St. Paul,  Houswarming
Overheard by Sometimes I forget you exist.

Dude well on his way to an epic hangover: Damn this biological conspiracy that made me born without boobs!

Dinkytown, The Blue House
Overheard by The soberest guy in the room.

Angry looking white lady stomping up the stairs to her apartment building, yelling: I don’t need to play games with you anymore!
Pleading, musclebound African American thug: I ain’t playin’ games! Girl, that was my EX fiance! She’s trippin’! We ain’t gettin’ married next month! We ain’t even bangin’ no more!

Minneapolis, 22nd and Nicollet
Overheard by How do you get women ever?

Teen, on a porch painting a little girl’s toenails: Andy! (yelling into the house) Have you gotten that box yet?
Andy, coming out: Yep. (sets down the box and tries to run back inside)
Teen: Not so fast, Andy (little girl giggles). You’re next!
Andy: I HATE IT WHEN MOM LET’S YOU BABYSIT!!!

Minneapolis, Dinkytown
Overheard by Metro’s not a bad way to go.

Man to his wife and daughter who have been bickering: I am so sick of females. I’m going to be gay and live with all males.

Onamia, Birch Street
Overheard by daughter who is staying out of it.

Girl: Ben, you can’t just go throwing around your penis quarter at anyone.  Some people don’t like that too much.

Minnetonka Mills
Overheard by well that’s odd.

55+ woman:  Fine by me… how much cocaine can you even buy for $180 bucks?  Probably only, like, a gram.  (long pause) Ya know, that’s the problem with drugs these days.  They are so expensive.

Minneapolis Backyard
Overheard by Her Niece.

Girl on cell: YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN’T GET HIGH ANYMORE! Well, come to the commons and we can make out instead. I’d get your girlfriend to come and make out with you if she wasn’t fuckin’ grounded again. ‘Kay, see you soon.

Excelsior Commons

20-something guy: That’s why Mickey Mantle died; he had no livers.

Apartment pool in St. Louis Park
Overheard by livers to spare.