Teen Girl #1, referring to Cab Calloway song playing from overhead speakers: Ugh! What IS this music?
Teen Girl# 2: Uh, Opera.

St. Paul, restroom in Mancini’s Char House and Lounge
Overheard by Coco.

Little boy in bathroom stall next to me: Mom! It’s not all coming out!
Mom in stall with boy: It’s okay, just keep trying.
Little boy (crying hysterically): Mom, I can’t get it out! (more crying, flushing) Mom, it didn’t all come out!!!
Mom: It’s okay, I’ll give you some prunes when we get home.

Airport bathroom
Overheard by I like prunes.

Girl: Oh man. Nothing’s coming out.

Burnsville, toilet stall at Burnsville movie theater
Overheard by girl in next stall.

Woman talking to herself in bathroom stall: Okay, now let’s see what we’ve got in here.

Minneapolis, Investor’s 10th floor
Overheard by EJ.

Coworker: They sent an invitation on the computer. It was an e-invitation. On e-mail.

Bloomington, Nasty work bathroom
Overheard by I was told there would be bacon.

Girl in bathroom stall: I work with this girl named Panda.  No, Pandy.  Well, she thinks she’s a panda and she’s not.  And she’s NOT cool.

Minneapolis, Key’s Cafe
Overheard by Big Sister is Listening.

Girl #1 in bathroom stall to girl #2 in bathroom stall: Do you think Jane*’s pretty?
Girl #2: Yes, but she has that pig nose.
Girl #1: She totally does. Do you think she’ll get swine flu?
Girl #2: (totally silent)

St. Louis Park, McCoy’s ladies room
Overheard by So happy I don’t have a pig nose!

From the next stall over: Don’t fall into that toilet! I need to pee in there.

Saint Paul, Science Museum
Overheard by me.

Guy #1: This stripper won’t stop texting me.
Guy #2, across the room: You better be texting her back.
Guy #1: Don’t worry, I’ve got a 17 year old for you, too.
Guy #2: Too old.
Guy #1: I got a 12 year old who still sleeps with the light on.
Guy #2: PERFECT.

Metrodome Men’s Bathroom
Overheard by Pissed that beer sales ended in the 7th inning and its the 11th.

Man at urinal to man at other urinal: It’s just too big to jiggle or wiggle.

Minnetonka, Men’s Room, Test Scoring Center
Overheard by In a stall, couldn’t see if it was true.

Young boy in ladies stall with his mom: Mommy, can I see your butt?
Mother: No.
Boy: Come on, I won’t tell anyone.

Edina, Target bathroom

Woman, flinging door of bathroom stall open upon finishing: Whoop, there it is!

Metrodome, Twins Home Opener
Overheard by I think I’ll  wait for the  next available…

Drunk bro #1 in bathroom talking to guy in the stall: I’ll just wait for you. You poop then I’ll poop.
Drunk bro #2, guy in stall: (silence, minor grunting)
Drunk bro #1: I’ll run some water for you, so you don’t have to hear it. 
Drunk bro #2: That smells, dude. No, it smells healthy, like beefsteak.

St Paul, Billy’s On Grand
Overheard by i picked the wrong time to take a leak.

Man at urinal: God, it hurts to piss! I need to get my herpes medication again. (whimpering) What’s wrong with me?

Roseville, Rosedale bathroom
Overheard by the ddf guy in the shitter.

Guy in a port-a-potty with NO ONE else arond: I just can’t do it there!

Minneapolis, Marquette and 8th, construction site
Overheard by WOW!! TMI.

Woman in stall: Well, I know how to make him; get drunk and have sex with a homeless man.

Saint Paul, Ladies Room at the Xcel Energy Center – Wild Game
Overheard by Ladies nearest the Stall.

Woman entering women’s restroom:  Oh no, there’s a LONG line.  And it’s ALL women.

Roseville, AMC
Overheard by He’s totally into me…

Man in stall, on the phone: Yeah man,yYou need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Who ever can give you drugs for this. (pause) Yeah kids can make you go crazy. I understand. (walks out of stall with his 8 year old son and starts washing hands; still on phone).
Son: I love you, Dad.
Man still on phone, ignores child: Kids; yeah, I’ve got my hands full.

Roseville, Rosedale AMC Theather’s Men’s Restroom
Overheard by Just trying to pee.

Girl #1: I pee all the time. I must have a bladder the size of a pea.
Girl #2: Uh-oh. You know what that means.
Girl #1: Enlarging prostate?

Roseville, Rosedale Mall bathroom
Overheard by Is there something you haven’t told us?

Woman talking on her cell phone: We don’t have any penetration there.

Minnetonka, Woman’s Restroom at a Corporate Office
Overheard by Why the hell are you talking on the phone whilst peeing?