Bitter salesgirl, muttering while a song plays “Christmas is the best time of the year…” on Black Friday: Whoever wrote this song never worked retail.

Edina, Southdale Macy’s
Overheard by i wouldnt have christmas cheer in your position either!

Woman ordering stuffing: I want that container, that one in the middle, yep.
Woman serving stuffing: Do you want this whole thing full?
Woman ordering stuffing: Oh god, no. I want a little more than a half. (pause) But a little less than a third. Not too much.

Minneapolis, Surdyk’s
Overheard by oh, that much.

College girl to college boy: I’d be the only one there in an argyle straight jacket!  How cute would that be?

Edina, Jo-Ann Store
Overheard by DK.

Woman: I got a ten year old.
Sales Lady holding up a shirt: Okay, how about this?
Woman: No, she big.  She’s got some junk in her trunk.

St Louis Park, Opitz
Overheard by huh.

Loud woman browsing VHS: Should I get this?
Male companion: You know, Oliver Stone’s movies are, like, entertaining, but they don’t, uh, have any value for shit. It’s like they have no, uh, redeeming social, uh, quality. I mean…
Loud woman: Ooh! Gremlins!

Minneapolis, Cheapo Basement
Overheard by Really? Thanks for sharing.

20-something woman to a 20-something man: We could never sit by each other in church because we would get the church giggles.

Roseville, Borders bookstore, Rosedale Mall

Suddenly serious 12 year old boy: That Batman Lego set was SUCH a disappointment.

Uptown, GameStop

60-year old woman, spotting a friend walking towards her: Oh, fancy seeing you here!
Her Friend: How nice to see you! But no hugs below the waist this time.

Edina, Jo-Ann Fabrics
Overheard by curious.

Friend #1: You know, it’s that f word that means lots of cheese.
Friend #2: Do you mean fromage?

Minneapolis, The grocery store
Overheard by cheese lova.

Woman, shopping for a coat for her husband: Can you try this on for me? You’re about his size.
Male sales associate: Ok. (tries it on)
Woman: Can you try it on without your shirt on?

Minneapolis, Downtown Store
Overheard by If she wasn’t married… she’s my kind of woman.

Little girl to Grandma in motorized cart: Is this thing set to “turtle”?

Edina, Jo-Ann
Overheard by DK.

Old Lady: I think this is too tight. (farts) Yep, definitely too tight.

Minnetonka, Macy’s dressing room
Overheard by i’d have to agree.

Mom to her teenage daughter: You should really try on this sweater. It looks so warm.
Teenage daughter: Mom, it’s way too small. One of my nipples wouldn’t even fit in there!

Urban Outfitters in Uptown
Overheard by Pretending I didn’t hear that.

Uptight Looking Retail Employee: Every time I sneeze three times, an angel is born.

Minneapolis, Downtown Clothing Store
Overheard by Rabbit.

European man on his cell phone, standing outside his European car: We are Europeans; L.A. is not interesting to us.

Minnetonka, Barnes & Noble Parking Lot
Overheard by Patrick&Melanie.

Small child to her dad: Dad, who would want to be a banana for Halloween?
Bored dad of small child: A baby who doesn’t know any better.

Mankato, Halloween store @ the mall
Overheard by good point.

Dad, to little girl holding Pez: We’re not getting the Pez. No way.
Little girl: Why not, daddy?
Dad, half mumbling: Because you have two fucking cavities in your front teeth.
Little girl: What about for Morgan?
Dad: No.
Little girl: Well, why not for her?

Minneapolis, Sentyrz Supermarket
Overheard by aeh.

Mother: Well, when I was a kid, I felt a little lonely.  I had this great idea to get a boy to ask me out.  I tape recorded myself in a low voice saying “Hey, can I speak to Lula*? ”  Then I would pause, so there would be time to go get me.  Then I called me and played the tape back over one end of the phone.  Soon, I would come on the phone and… I asked me out. (pause) You can see now what this has done for my self-confidence.
 
Minnetonka, The General Store
Overheard by hey there little lady.

Geeky guy: It takes me, like, 2 hours to poop!

Minnetonka, Best Buy
Overheard by Has enough fiber in her diet.

5 yr old boy at Victoria’s Secret: I don’t like it here.
Mom: But just look at all the friendly people.

Burnsville Center
Overheard by A “friendly” person.