Teenage girl to friend: I wasn’t so into the idea at first. But now that I think about it, I agree with him; it WOULD be better with two goats instead of just one!

Burnsville, North River Hills soccer fields
Overheard by wait. say that again?

Woman in stall: Well, I know how to make him; get drunk and have sex with a homeless man.

Saint Paul, Ladies Room at the Xcel Energy Center – Wild Game
Overheard by Ladies nearest the Stall.

Loud annoying girl talking to friends: Where is Alex? He’s a good sniffer.

Anoka High School Basket Ball Game in the Pep Band Area
Overheard by I’m always in need of one of those.

Man screaming in the hallway: There’s no line for the troughs! The line is for the people with small penises that won’t pee in the trough!

Wolves vs Lakers – Target Center

Middle-aged women on cell phone: So, you know that rash I have? Well, I went to the Doctor and he was like, ‘Good luck!’ (Laughs) I know, I told him I wanted my co-pay back!

Saint Paul Saint’s Game
Overheard by Shouldn’t you be more worried about the rash?!

Lonely 20-something guy: I just want a girlfriend. I don’t care if she’s super fat or has, like, two noses.

Chaska basketball court
Overheard by three nostrils.

8 year old #1: Hey, come play on my team!
8 year old #2: Not until you pay me my money, bitch.

Elliot Park Basketball court
Overheard by Future businessmen.

Woman: So, now they’re testing for incest.

Baseball Field in Chanhassen

Loud Woman at Saints Game, to stranger next to her: So, where did your husband go? To get booze?
40ish woman next to her: No, he has diabetes. He doesn’t drink.
Loud Woman: OH! That’s great! That’s the good thing about diabetes.
40ish woman: Yeah… my last husband was an alcoholic.
(silence)

Saints Game
Overheard by THAT’S the good thing…

Drunk northeast Iowan fan: Deuces wild! Deuces WILD!
Embarrassed friend: I hate it when you say that.

Elko Express baseball field
Overheard by So do I.

Coach (yelling at player on field): You’re not doing anything standing by #2!

Coon Rapids Soccer Tournament
Overheard by The Elderly Multigravida.

Coach (yelling at player on field): Hey, Gabriel, get it up!

Coon Rapids Soccer Tournament
Overheard by The Elderly Multigravida.

Stoner to his friend:  Dude! Have you hot boxed your UPS truck?

Acorn Park disc golf course
Overheard by Rolling my eyes.

RG Fan #1: You want a balloon animal?
RG Fan #2: I don’t like balloon people. They are half clown.

Roller GIrls Championships 1/2 Time
Overheard by What’s the other half?

Little boy to his mother: Oh yes, he broke his bat!  Now the other team doesn’t have as many bats as the Twins!

Section 127, Row 119, Metrodome
Overheard by Happy that the innocence isn’t lost.

Hockey Mom #1:  I don’t know why they have to have it so cold in here.
Hockey Mom#2:  Seriously, it’s absolutely freezing in here.

Northern suburb ice arena
Overheard by 2 ingredients of ice, water and COLD.

Tiny 8-year-old swimmer to an experienced older swimmer: Are you doing butterfly in the relay?
Experienced swimmer: Yes.
8-year-old: Are you good at it?
Experienced swimmer, pausing: No, not really.
8-year-old: Oh. That’s ok, I started out like that too.

St. Michael swim meet
Overheard by older swimmer’s friend.

Minnesota fan: Goldy must be a woman today, he’s very slender. Goldy’s a lesbian today!

Minnesota/Iowa basketball game
Overheard by Proud that I am an Iowa fan.

Early 20s “Dude” in line for beer with his buddies: I USED to smoke and chew… but then I quit one.

Wild Game
Overheard by now you will live half as long!

Pretty blonde making a disgusted face: I hate people smell.
Suburban mom with family: I knew I should’ve brought my trail mix

In the crowded skyway after the Timberwolves Game on Jan. 23.
Overheard by Don’t they serve food at the game?