Middle-aged women on cell phone: So, you know that rash I have? Well, I went to the Doctor and he was like, ‘Good luck!’ (Laughs) I know, I told him I wanted my co-pay back!

Saint Paul Saint’s Game
Overheard by Shouldn’t you be more worried about the rash?!

Lonely 20-something guy: I just want a girlfriend. I don’t care if she’s super fat or has, like, two noses.

Chaska basketball court
Overheard by three nostrils.

8 year old #1: Hey, come play on my team!
8 year old #2: Not until you pay me my money, bitch.

Elliot Park Basketball court
Overheard by Future businessmen.

Woman: So, now they’re testing for incest.

Baseball Field in Chanhassen

Loud Woman at Saints Game, to stranger next to her: So, where did your husband go? To get booze?
40ish woman next to her: No, he has diabetes. He doesn’t drink.
Loud Woman: OH! That’s great! That’s the good thing about diabetes.
40ish woman: Yeah… my last husband was an alcoholic.
(silence)

Saints Game
Overheard by THAT’S the good thing…

Drunk northeast Iowan fan: Deuces wild! Deuces WILD!
Embarrassed friend: I hate it when you say that.

Elko Express baseball field
Overheard by So do I.

Coach (yelling at player on field): You’re not doing anything standing by #2!

Coon Rapids Soccer Tournament
Overheard by The Elderly Multigravida.

Coach (yelling at player on field): Hey, Gabriel, get it up!

Coon Rapids Soccer Tournament
Overheard by The Elderly Multigravida.

Little boy to his mother: Oh yes, he broke his bat!  Now the other team doesn’t have as many bats as the Twins!

Section 127, Row 119, Metrodome
Overheard by Happy that the innocence isn’t lost.

Hockey Mom #1:  I don’t know why they have to have it so cold in here.
Hockey Mom#2:  Seriously, it’s absolutely freezing in here.

Northern suburb ice arena
Overheard by 2 ingredients of ice, water and COLD.

Tiny 8-year-old swimmer to an experienced older swimmer: Are you doing butterfly in the relay?
Experienced swimmer: Yes.
8-year-old: Are you good at it?
Experienced swimmer, pausing: No, not really.
8-year-old: Oh. That’s ok, I started out like that too.

St. Michael swim meet
Overheard by older swimmer’s friend.

Minnesota fan: Goldy must be a woman today, he’s very slender. Goldy’s a lesbian today!

Minnesota/Iowa basketball game
Overheard by Proud that I am an Iowa fan.

Early 20s “Dude” in line for beer with his buddies: I USED to smoke and chew… but then I quit one.

Wild Game
Overheard by now you will live half as long!

Pretty blonde making a disgusted face: I hate people smell.
Suburban mom with family: I knew I should’ve brought my trail mix

In the crowded skyway after the Timberwolves Game on Jan. 23.
Overheard by Don’t they serve food at the game?

Girl holding up Gophers t-shirt which reads “Z is for ZAMBONI”: Z isn’t for xylophone anymore! (pause) Wait…
Boyfriend: Let’s keep that between us.

Gopher Game
Overheard by Good lord.

High School Girl who obviously knows nothing about football: Whoo-hoo!!! Oooohhh… boooooo. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing right now guys!

Vikings/Chargers game
Overheard by can’t believe that girl owns an official jersey.

Liberal preschool-aged baseball fan: GO SAINTS! You can do this!!!
Conservative preschool-aged baseball fan: GO USA! You can win the war in Iraq!!!
Liberal preschool-aged baseball fan: What is WRONG with you?!?!

Saints game at Midway Stadium

Guy returning from the concession stand with three enormous beers: These [nods to indicate beers] were enough to make me the most important person on the walkway.

Midway Stadium during Saints game
Overheard by unimportant guy with one regular sized beer.

Young African American girl playing tennis: I’m gonna be like Serena Williams! (commence playing for 1 minute) I’m so done with this.

NE Tennis Court
Overheard by Serena Probably Wouldn’t Have Gotten that Far with That Attitude.