Middle-aged Walmart employee to co-worker: (lifts coffee cup thoughtfully) I’m finding out the do’s and don’ts of my occupation.  The truths and fallacies. The philosophical reasoning behind it.

St. Anthony, Walmart
Overheard by i didn’t know a walmart occupation could be so philosophical…

6-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m scared!
Dad: Of what?
Girl: All the shavers!
Dad: You’re scared of them?
Girl: Yes, they scare me.
Dad: (picks up electric razor and puts it in girls face) Muahahaha!
Girl: Ahhhhhh! Daddy I’m scared of them!
Dad: (puts electric razor down) Hahahaha!
Girl: Daddy, it’s not funny.  I’d rather be with mommy… she doesn’t do scary things.

Razor/deodorant aisle at Walmart, St. Anthony
Overheard by a.lil.

30-something white girl to same-type friend: The last time I went roller skating someone stole my pager.

St Anthony Applebee’s
Overheard by Another good reason not to rollerskate, or, why did you have a pager?