13 year old boy: The secret is to find someone who has something wrong with them that you can deal with!

Saint Paul, La Cabana

Teen Girl #1, referring to Cab Calloway song playing from overhead speakers: Ugh! What IS this music?
Teen Girl# 2: Uh, Opera.

St. Paul, restroom in Mancini’s Char House and Lounge
Overheard by Coco.

Guy trying to pick up an annoyed-looking woman: Can’t anyone say “hi” anymore? Can’t I get a ‘’s’up”? A “fuck you”? A “bitch”?

St. Paul, 50 bus
Overheard by friendly greetings.

Drunk Guy in Detox: I’m from Edina. I can pay drinking tickets like this, this and that. You should be impressed how many I’ve already paid.

St. Paul, University of St. Thomas Public Safety
Overheard by Poor in Comparison.

Target employee over walkie talkie: Do we have any space dividers for… dividing spaces?

St. Paul, Target store on Snelling Ave.
Overheard by Captain Obvious.

Obnoxious, elderly woman: Well, the Nutcracker was NEVER like this.

St. Paul, Ordway Theater, Bad Boys of Dance performance
Overheard by No Sugarplum Fairy tonight?

College-aged girl to her friend, about a window display of maternity clothes: Man! I want a baby so badly, I’m even jealous of these mannequins!

St. Paul, outside of Hot Mama
Overheard by Believe me, honey, you’ll be glad you waited.

20 something female student: My room is, like, the coldest in the apartment right now. It’s like masturbating in Antarctica.

St Paul, Concordia University
Overheard by Glad I don’t live in Antarctica.

Girl (to pizza Delivery Guy): How do they check for deliciousness? They said they check for deliciousness!
Delivery Guy: I didn’t touch it, don’t worry.

St. Paul, Bailey Hall U of M Campus
Overheard by Working Late.

College girl, defending herself: I’m on drugs, you can’t trust anything I say.

Saint Paul, Concordia University Library
Overheard by cspme.

College Girl to another College Girl: I taught him how to cuddle. Dan, show her how you cuddle!
Dan: I don’t remember.

Concordia University St. Paul
Overheard by Expert Cuddler.

Jane: We’ll just give Mary a few more minutes before we start.
Sally: Oh, she’ll be late, Jack nailed her by the elevator.
Jane: What?
Sally: Yes, Jack was nailing her by the elevator bay. I should have stopped him, but you know how Jack is; once he gets started, you can’t stop him.

Saint Paul, conference room in just another stuffy company

Elderly Woman, picking at her food: There’s no meat in this dish!
Elderly Man, eating his: Yep, they’re trying to murder us.

Saint Paul, Grand Shanghai Restaurant
Overheard by Should’ve ordered the General Tso’s.

Woman walking through Rice Park, expounding to the world in general: When push comes to shove, some people commit suicide. Are you lucky? Do you feel lucky? Russian roulette?

St. Paul, Rice Park
Overheard by Not feeling that lucky.

Old lady on the phone: Oh Lordy, I wouldn’t wait too long; that woman is slower than Christmas.

St. Paul, front desk of a small non-profit
Overheard by rdean.

Man, upon seeing box of frozen waffles: Hey! Let go of my Eggo!

St. Paul, the break room
Overheard by Art.

Mean old lady in cube next to mine: God. I don’t know his street name! I only know him by his clown name!

St. Paul, at work
Overheard by 20 something girl.

20 something girl: Oh my goodness, that is not ok!
Her friends: What?
20 something girl: I stopped clapping my hands, but my upper arms kept going!

St. Paul, Harriet Island, Rock the River
Overheard by Wait till they do that without you moving at all.

Young woman to pre-teen: Stay away from drugs. And candy!

St. Paul, Grand Ave. & Smith
Overheard by Ani G.

Male Co-Worker: I only had to say “vaginal” once on that call.

St. Paul, at work
Overheard by The poor female assistant.