Guy #1: Hold on a sec. (stops walking and ties sweatshirt around waist)
Guy #2: Didn’t want it around your shoulders anymore?
Guy #1: Yeah… it was too hot around the neck and I would probably get shanked.

U of M outside Harvard Market
Overheard by LB.

Woman across the hall: Goldy Gopher has jock itch! (Pause) I shouldn’t say that about my favorite mascot.

a U of M office
Overheard by Good to know…

Boss: My goodness, that woman’s three years older than God!

U of M office
Overheard by Diligent Employee.

Janitor to other janitor: Don’t get me wrong, I love the Brass Rail, I just can’t stand the trouble outside of the 90’s.

U of M
Overheard by gopher way.

“Gangsta” black man on cellphone: But I wanna spend money! I wanna be Italian and spend money!

Coffman Union, UMN
Overheard by isn’t Italian, but doesn’t mind.

Groundskeeper lying on the lawn, to other groundskeepers: So, people keep killing themselves because the plants are emitting this pheromone that, like, makes people want to kill themselves.

outside Folwell, University of Minnesota
Overheard by worried gardener.

Stoner Guy #1: Dude, you’re right, five dollar footlong is the best deal EVER!!!
Stoner Guy #2: Man, I told you.
Stoner Guy #3: (chuckling) Is that honestly what you guys think about?

U of M
Overheard by Stop Smoking Pot.

Building manager: Which is the drawer with all the tools?
Coworker: The middle bottom one.
Building manager: (looking in tool box) Why do you guys have so many knives?
Coworker: It’s a long story.

U of M library
Overheard by a diligent worker.

Dude in a dress shirt: I really don’t like the way these shoes are hitting the backs of my knees.
Guy friend, also in a tux: …Yeah.

Stadium Village

Worker #1: Man, I’m this close to reporting him. I mean, all he does is sit in that office and look at internet porn all day.
Worker #2: Really?! He’s into kiddie porn?
Worker #1: No, INTERNET.
Worker #2: Oh, so… that’s not the same thing?

Outside Northrop Auditorium
Overheard by There’s a whole world of porn out there, little buddy.

White girl:  I wish I had an Obama t-shirt to wear tonight. (pause) Although I’m sure if I brought a black friend it’d be just the same.

U of M east bank
Overheard by LB.

Drunk girl at a party: I want to be a lawyer because I think three people should be able to marry each other!

A party on the U campus
Overheard by I want to shoot you.

College girl talking to her group of girlfriends: You know… we’re just like those girls.

After a screening of Mean Girls at Coffman Union
Overheard by I hate these stupid assholes.

Girl:  Sometimes I like to look at pictures of deaf people online.  They don’t look any different!

U of M campus

Girl during evolution lab in biology: So, humans came from monkeys right? So, if two monkeys had a baby and it was a human, like, what would we do with it?

U of M biology lab
Overheard by we would name it tarzan.

Bookstore clerk: Sorry, we’re not buying this book.
Student #1: Looks like we’ve got some firewood.
Student #2: Nooo!  Now we can’t buy weed!  Why???
Student #1: Whatever dude.
Student #2: (distraught) WHY!?

UMN bookstore
Overheard by You could always ask your parents for some money.

Girl Prepping for Final: So, who was the leader of the Greeks that fought against Odysseus?
Girl’s Friend: I think his name was Troy.

U of M Classroom Before Final
Overheard by May the Grading be Swift.

U of M administrator: I’ve been thinking that I should start my own cult. It doesn’t have to be anything sexual. It could involve squirrels.

U of M
Overheard by Count me in!

Mother: So, are you glad you lived in the dorms this year?
Perky Daughter: Yeah! I made so many friends!
Mother: That’s good. When I lived in the dorms I was just really, really lonely.
Perky Daughter: Oh.

u of m- superblock
Overheard by awkward…

Girl #1: So, did you finally give it up last night?
Girl #2: No, I think I want to be sober my first time.
Girl #1: You should have told me that sooner. I have spent a lot of money getting you drunk so someone can take advantage of you!

Campus Bus @ U of M
Overheard by I want a friend like this.