Guy: At night I, like, turn into a sleep burrito.

Morris, Dorm
Overheard by Sleep Taco.

Starbucks barista: You’re with a different guy than you were last time you came here.
Female student: Yeah, this is the new replacement one.

campus Starbucks at the U of M
Overheard by Wonder how much this model cost.

20-something girl: Yeah, he and my uncle don’t get along at all. Sometimes my uncle will get his posse together and go over to his house…

U of M - Great Wall Chinese restaurant
Overheard by a-town.

Guy (while discussing scatter plots and the correlation between the x axis and the y axis): Those who are high on x are low on sleep.
Class: (rolls eyes)
Instructor: Aren’t you all glad we only need to deal with him for one more day?

Statistics Class at the U
Overheard by yes. yes i am glad indeed.

Woman eating pasta out of Tupperware while standing in line for tickets to a Fringe show: This is hardcore theatre, people.

U of M, Rarig Center
Overheard by JfA.

Freshman #1 (reading from a textbook): Butte. What is a “butte” exactly?
Freshman #2: A fancy way to say butt.
Freshman #1: God, you learn so much at college.

U of M west bank
Overheard by kbay.

U of M Student: Who do I have to sleep with around here to get some grants?

Tin Man - U of M
Overheard by Probably someone at One-Stop

Tour guide to impressionable freshmen: And this is Morrill Hall.  You probably won’t ever go in there unless you need to use the bathroom.

Church St., U of M Westbank

Cute girl #1: It’s half price bottles of wine night at Downtime, you in?
Cute girl #2: No, I can’t tonight I have to shear my llamas.
Cute girl #1 (after a long pause): I don’t even know what to say to that.

U of M
Overheard by llamas are overrated.

Guy #1: Hold on a sec. (stops walking and ties sweatshirt around waist)
Guy #2: Didn’t want it around your shoulders anymore?
Guy #1: Yeah… it was too hot around the neck and I would probably get shanked.

U of M outside Harvard Market
Overheard by LB.

Woman across the hall: Goldy Gopher has jock itch! (Pause) I shouldn’t say that about my favorite mascot.

a U of M office
Overheard by Good to know…

Boss: My goodness, that woman’s three years older than God!

U of M office
Overheard by Diligent Employee.

Janitor to other janitor: Don’t get me wrong, I love the Brass Rail, I just can’t stand the trouble outside of the 90’s.

U of M
Overheard by gopher way.

“Gangsta” black man on cellphone: But I wanna spend money! I wanna be Italian and spend money!

Coffman Union, UMN
Overheard by isn’t Italian, but doesn’t mind.

Groundskeeper lying on the lawn, to other groundskeepers: So, people keep killing themselves because the plants are emitting this pheromone that, like, makes people want to kill themselves.

outside Folwell, University of Minnesota
Overheard by worried gardener.

Stoner Guy #1: Dude, you’re right, five dollar footlong is the best deal EVER!!!
Stoner Guy #2: Man, I told you.
Stoner Guy #3: (chuckling) Is that honestly what you guys think about?

U of M
Overheard by Stop Smoking Pot.

Building manager: Which is the drawer with all the tools?
Coworker: The middle bottom one.
Building manager: (looking in tool box) Why do you guys have so many knives?
Coworker: It’s a long story.

U of M library
Overheard by a diligent worker.

Dude in a dress shirt: I really don’t like the way these shoes are hitting the backs of my knees.
Guy friend, also in a tux: …Yeah.

Stadium Village

Worker #1: Man, I’m this close to reporting him. I mean, all he does is sit in that office and look at internet porn all day.
Worker #2: Really?! He’s into kiddie porn?
Worker #1: No, INTERNET.
Worker #2: Oh, so… that’s not the same thing?

Outside Northrop Auditorium
Overheard by There’s a whole world of porn out there, little buddy.

White girl:  I wish I had an Obama t-shirt to wear tonight. (pause) Although I’m sure if I brought a black friend it’d be just the same.

U of M east bank
Overheard by LB.