Cheese Clerk: Okay, worst-case scenario: I have to get a hysterectomy.

Uptown Lund’s deli counter
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Mom: Rub that [hand sanitizer] on your hands! Gimme some of that! Don’t touch the window! Don’t touch anything! Keep your hands together on your lap or else you’ll get the flu! Why you talkin’ to her? Do you know her? Why you talkin’ to a stranger? Don’t worry ’bout what your sister doin’, worry ’bout what you doin’!
Little Boy: You cwazy. You a good mom, but you cwazy.

4 bus, Uptown
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Buddy #1: Is it strange that every time I walk past a Victoria’s Secret I get a boner?
Buddy #2: I am quitting this friendship.

Minneapolis, Figlio’s – Uptown
Overheard by Bartender wearing Body By Victoria.

Freshman girl inspecting dresses, to friend: Are you kidding? I can’t wear this to homecoming! No one would grind with me!!

Minneapolis, uptown Urban outfitters
Overheard by Because after all, that’s what it’s all about.

Young Girl #1: South Minneapolis is pretty much just aging, geriatric hipsters these days.
Young Girl #2: I KNOW! It’s like one big History Channel special!

Minneapolis, Uptown
Overheard by Outoftowner.

Groom in tux, grabbing blue Tampax box and throwing it in the air, to bride: Show it off, baby. Woo!

Minneapolis, Walgreens on Hennepin, Uptown

Homeless hipster hippy teen: Dude, they took away my tomahawk!
Older homeless hipster: Since when have tomahawks been illegal in Minneapolis?

Uptown, Outside of Victoria’s Secret
Overheard by we came for the panties, stayed for the conversation.

Girl to friend: So, this guy had a bunch of dead people cut up in his basement and was eating them.  She was kissing him.  She was kissing the guy who was eating dead people.

Minneapolis, Uptown
Overheard by the dead.

Teen Girl: So, you went to see an African American cultural play this weekend. (pause) Were you nervous?

Minneapolis, Uptown

Guy #1: Dude, cats are smarter than dogs, just face the facts.
Guy #2: No way, man.
Guy #1: Oh yeah?!? Look at Garfield. He talks and eats lasagna.

Minneapolis, Uptown Bar
Overheard by he does make a good point.

Hipster girl: My boyfriend says my butt smells like chocolate.

Minneapolis, Uptown
Overheard by I wish I wasn’t eating chocolate ice cream.

Twenty-something white boy: You have such white people problems.  My problems are, like, black people problems.  Gay problems!

Minneapolis, Uptown
Overheard by white girl.

Hispter Girl #1: Diet Coke tastes soooo much better than regular Coke.
Hipster Girl #2: Oh my god I KNOW, I’d totally rather get cancer than be fat.

Minneapolis, Uptown
Overheard by I hate my generation.

Blond girl in fur: I LOVE THE RECESSION! Mary-Kate Olsen and me are the only people unaffected by the recession!

Minneapolis, Uptown
Overheard by -Get a F**CKING job.

Woman #1: I thought the tacos were good. Ground turkey is healthier than beef.
Woman #2: Ahh, I know, but I still ate too many and now I have the MEAT SWEATS.

Minneapolis, Uptown
Overheard by Master Splinter.

Teenage girl buying size 0 jeans: Ummm, Jane*? I only have, like, $10 and a bunch of condoms in my purse. But I have, like, $50 dollars in babysitting money at home. Can you buy these for me and I’ll pay you back when I get home?

Minneapolis, Heartbreaker in Uptown
Overheard by This Is the Future of America, People.

Old lady: FOUR!  FOUR!  THIS IS IT!  FOUR!
Old man: No dear, we need to keep walking.
Old lady: SEVEN!

Minneapolis, Uptown
Overheard by TWELVE.

Ditzy Blonde: The best part about Uptown is that we have to drive here. I hate going out in Dinkytown. You have to walk places. Who walks anymore?

Minneapolis, Outside of Williams Pub
Overheard by a walker.

Guy wearing aviators and dirty PBR hat: What’s that movie where Jody Foster gets raped on a pinball machine? It’s a comedy.

Uptown, CC Club

Woman eating:  Oh, this is so spicy!
Friend:  Is it regular hot or Norwegian hot?

Minneapolis, Roat Osha in Uptown
Overheard by it’s not that spicy.