Girl sitting in car: Is it cold out there?
Man pumping gas: Why? Do my nipples look hard?
Girl: Yes.
Man: My nipples are always hard.

Woodbury, BP gas station
Overheard by my nipples are just fine, thanks.

45 year old customer: Yeah, you should join us for the Bar-be-que! We’re going to play volleyball!
65 year old clerk: Oh, volleyball! I’d love to play. I may be old but I can still get it up!

Woodbury, Men’s Warehouse
Overheard by I bet that saves you a lot on medications.

Overstressed-looking dad to teenage son: You know, maybe you should start seeing a therapist for this. ‘Cause you know what happens to kids who don’t go to see a therapist when they really ought to? They go crazy. CRAZY. And I mean, REALLY crazy. CRAZY! CRAAAAAZY! YOU DON’T WANT TO END UP LIKE THAT, DO YOU? NOOOOO! ‘CAUSE THAT WOULD BE CRAAAAAAZY!

Woodbury, Lifetime Fitness
Overheard by you’re one to talk…

Mother waiting in line to pay with her sons and husband: Boys, did you see that little girl over there? Wasn’t she cute?
Little boy #1: Yeah!
Little boy #2: She was a girl!!
Husband: Yes, she was a girl.
Little boy #2: And I’m a BOY!
Little boy #1: Me too!!
Husband: Oh really? And HOW do you know that you’re boys?
Little boys #1 and #2: WE HAVE GONADS!
Husband: YAY!!

Woodbury, Sam’s Club
Overheard by made MY day.

Dude on phone in office hallway: Hey, you ever take a dump so big you’re proud of it? (pause) No, I’m serious. 

Woodbury, Office at 494/94
Overheard by Can’t you say “read a magazine” instead?

Coworker: I’m off everything else. A little Prozac will do me good.

Woodbury, 694/94
Overheard by Moving soon; she will be missed.

Blonde girl, regarding lights flickering on and off:  Someone so needs to stop doing that. It’s annoying!
Coworker behind the counter: Umm, you’re leaning on the light switch.

Woodbury, Coffee shop
Overheard by coffee and a show.

Guy #1:…and America would be the best planet in the universe!
Guy #2: What about bratwurst?
Guy #1: We have bratwurst.
Guy #2: We don’t have enough!

Woodbury, School
Overheard by that wouldn’t be my concern…

Annoying Teen Girl #1: Omigod, I love it here. We could, like, live here.
Annoying Teen Girl #2: I know! We could, like, sleep in the mattress store!

Woodbury, H&M
Overheard by Like, Shannon.

6 year old genius boy: Mom, you should get this one because it has no trans fat.
Mom: Mmm hmmm…
6 year old genius boy: The single one is two dollars, so if you just buy the single it’s actually more cheaper than each one in the value pack.
Mom: It’s “cheaper” not “more cheaper”.

Woodbury Target
Overheard by yeah, dummy!  (p.s. can I take you home with me?!)

Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor (carrying a bag from Leeann Chin): Fried rice? I didn’t know they had fried rice. Tastes different than plain old rice.

494 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by How insightful.

Very Important Manager in the Next Aisle: I am a rare, delicate flower. A Rare. Delicate. Flower.

494 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by So that explains the smell over there.

40 year old polite woman: So, what kind of things do you like to do?
40 year old man: Oh, I mean I’m way spontaneous.  Mostly I like to hang out around the house but if my friend calls me with tickets to a monster truck rally no way would I turn those down, even if its last minute!

Borders in Woodbury
Overheard by grateful to be in a relationship..

Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor: Yeah, I just ate a lot of protein and a lot of whole grains for lunch.

494/94, Woodbury
Overheard by Not Sitting Here for Long.

Teenage boy on the phone: Man, Target doesn’t have the right type of notebook that I need. I need one with a hard cover. You know why? [pause] Yeah, you know why. [pause] Cause I throw my shit AROUND. I don’t baby my notebooks. Suck my dick, notebooks!

Target in Woodbury
Overheard by I’m sure that would feel good.

Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor: Hashish? Hashish!

694 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by So that’s what she’s smoking.

Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor in Training: How do I use it?
Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor: Just stick it in the hole!

694 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by I hope she’s not referring to her gerbils again.

Annoyingly loud cube neighbor: Nobody wants my gerbils.

694 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by Not Richard Gere.

[sick fire alarm sound going off]
Coworker #1: Fire? Fire drill?
Branch Manager: Yeah, don’t worry about it until you smell smoke.
[T+20 seconds sick fire alarm sound stops]
Coworker #2: Well, that was quick.
Coworker #1: Yeah, good drill guys. Congratulations, we’re all dead.
Branch Manager: [10 second pause] “Okay all… back to work.

Financial Advisor’s Office – Woodbury, MN
Overheard by Pinkerton McWhiffleball.

Backwoods Barbie: Hey bitches, we should hotbox my Volvo.

volleyball court in Woodbury
Overheard by mikasa.