Posts Tagged ‘woodbury’
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Less Tooth, More Paste
Woman to husband/boyfriend: Okay, I know the expiration date on toothpaste is just a suggestion, but the stuff that’s ten years out of date, I threw it away.
Woodbury, Target
Overheard by I’d throw it away too. -
Just Taking A Break
Woman #1: I have been feeling so nauseated lately, but I don’t know why.
Woman #2: Maybe you’re pregnant.
Woman #1: That would be impossible. Unless it was immaculate conception and I’m not all that immaculate.Woodbury, at lunch
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It’s Non-Clumping
Co-worker greeting another who entered their cube: Welcome to the kitty litter! Feel free to scratch and leave your shit behind.
Woodbury, cubicle farm
Overheard by Another co-worker in another cubicle. -
It’s A New Supplement I’ve Been Taking
Girl sitting in car: Is it cold out there?
Man pumping gas: Why? Do my nipples look hard?
Girl: Yes.
Man: My nipples are always hard.Woodbury, BP gas station
Overheard by my nipples are just fine, thanks. -
Just Wait Until The Kids Go Home
45 year old customer: Yeah, you should join us for the Bar-be-que! We’re going to play volleyball!
65 year old clerk: Oh, volleyball! I’d love to play. I may be old but I can still get it up!Woodbury, Men’s Warehouse
Overheard by I bet that saves you a lot on medications. -
And There’s Your Proof
Overstressed-looking dad to teenage son: You know, maybe you should start seeing a therapist for this. ‘Cause you know what happens to kids who don’t go to see a therapist when they really ought to? They go crazy. CRAZY. And I mean, REALLY crazy. CRAZY! CRAAAAAZY! YOU DON’T WANT TO END UP LIKE THAT, DO YOU? NOOOOO! ‘CAUSE THAT WOULD BE CRAAAAAAZY!
Woodbury, Lifetime Fitness
Overheard by you’re one to talk… -
And How Do They Know She’s A Girl?
Mother waiting in line to pay with her sons and husband: Boys, did you see that little girl over there? Wasn’t she cute?
Little boy #1: Yeah!
Little boy #2: She was a girl!!
Husband: Yes, she was a girl.
Little boy #2: And I’m a BOY!
Little boy #1: Me too!!
Husband: Oh really? And HOW do you know that you’re boys?
Little boys #1 and #2: WE HAVE GONADS!
Husband: YAY!!Woodbury, Sam’s Club
Overheard by made MY day. -
Every Guy Can Relate
Dude on phone in office hallway: Hey, you ever take a dump so big you’re proud of it? (pause) No, I’m serious.
Woodbury, Office at 494/94
Overheard by Can’t you say “read a magazine” instead? -
This Applies To Everyone
Coworker: I’m off everything else. A little Prozac will do me good.
Woodbury, 694/94
Overheard by Moving soon; she will be missed. -
It Certainly Is
Blonde girl, regarding lights flickering on and off: Someone so needs to stop doing that. It’s annoying!
Coworker behind the counter: Umm, you’re leaning on the light switch.Woodbury, Coffee shop
Overheard by coffee and a show. -
This Problem Is More Common Than You’d Think
Guy #1:…and America would be the best planet in the universe!
Guy #2: What about bratwurst?
Guy #1: We have bratwurst.
Guy #2: We don’t have enough!Woodbury, School
Overheard by that wouldn’t be my concern… -
They Should Hold Out For, Like, Express
Annoying Teen Girl #1: Omigod, I love it here. We could, like, live here.
Annoying Teen Girl #2: I know! We could, like, sleep in the mattress store!Woodbury, H&M
Overheard by Like, Shannon. -
I’m Also Looking For A Good Assistant
6 year old genius boy: Mom, you should get this one because it has no trans fat.
Mom: Mmm hmmm…
6 year old genius boy: The single one is two dollars, so if you just buy the single it’s actually more cheaper than each one in the value pack.
Mom: It’s “cheaper” not “more cheaper”.Woodbury Target
Overheard by yeah, dummy! (p.s. can I take you home with me?!) -
HOW DO THEY DO IT?
Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor (carrying a bag from Leeann Chin): Fried rice? I didn’t know they had fried rice. Tastes different than plain old rice.
494 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by How insightful. -
That’s Not Always Good
Very Important Manager in the Next Aisle: I am a rare, delicate flower. A Rare. Delicate. Flower.
494 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by So that explains the smell over there. -
Irresistable
40 year old polite woman: So, what kind of things do you like to do?
40 year old man: Oh, I mean I’m way spontaneous. Mostly I like to hang out around the house but if my friend calls me with tickets to a monster truck rally no way would I turn those down, even if its last minute!Borders in Woodbury
Overheard by grateful to be in a relationship.. -
And I’m Compelled To Speak Every Thought I Have
Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor: Yeah, I just ate a lot of protein and a lot of whole grains for lunch.
494/94, Woodbury
Overheard by Not Sitting Here for Long. -
Someone Has To Remember To Refill His Ritalin Prescription
Teenage boy on the phone: Man, Target doesn’t have the right type of notebook that I need. I need one with a hard cover. You know why? [pause] Yeah, you know why. [pause] Cause I throw my shit AROUND. I don’t baby my notebooks. Suck my dick, notebooks!
Target in Woodbury
Overheard by I’m sure that would feel good. -
You Have To Get Through The Day Somehow
Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor: Hashish? Hashish!
694 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by So that’s what she’s smoking. -
It’s Going To Be A Long Night
Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor in Training: How do I use it?
Annoyingly Loud Cube Neighbor: Just stick it in the hole!
694 and 94, Woodbury
Overheard by I hope she’s not referring to her gerbils again.
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