22nd July 2008

Let’s Postpone The Color Lesson

Girl #1: Look! It’s like a train!
Girl #2: Chugga chugga, chugga chugga… Quack quack!

Minnetonka Mills
Overheard by concerned friend.

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22nd July 2008

He’s Carries It Around For Proof

Young man to apparent family members: I got my arm bitten off by an alligator.  Look at my t-shirt.

A park in Minneapolis
Overheard by WTF???  There might be an easier way to tell.

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21st July 2008

Now Can We Just Stop Handing Out Prescriptions To Kids?

Elementary school girl to sister:  Have you ever sat on really hot bleachers?  If so, try my new Anus Sack!  Just add ice to the pouch and sit for instant cooling!  I also attached some silverware, some scissors, some glue, some oats, some floss, some tapioca pudding, a pack of flashcards, a pencil, and some Children’s Motrin. You know… just in case.

Minnetonka Mills Dunn Bros.
Overheard by i’d buy that.

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18th July 2008

This Wants To Make Sense

Man chatting with an equally loud friend: He’s so cute you wanna trust anything he says, but it’s like, no. He just sells himself so he can be like geishas.

16 bus wetbound
Overheard by if he’s cute….

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15th July 2008

Will That Help?

Man, to car driving down alley after he crosses: Slow DOWN!
Man in car: Take out your ponytail!

Dupont/34th
Overheard by very concerned neighbor.

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8th July 2008

Ask That Man?

Museum Employee: Any Questions?
5-year-old boy: Why is there a man dangerously hanging on that cord?

Mill City Museum
Overheard by Too old and jaded to be concerned.

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6th July 2008

What A Let Down

Lady: Ooo!!! ICE CREAM!! Ohh, wait that’s just potato salad.

WalMart
Overheard by Potato Salad is good too!

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2nd July 2008

Is All That Really Necessary?

Co-worker #1: Our courageous leader tells me our people have fallen on hard times and though the metaphorical rain may fall, our perseverance will prevail and triumph will soon be ours.
Co-worker #2: Weird, dude.  Hey, wanna order Jimmy Johns with me?

Eden Prairie cube farm
Overheard by co-worker 3.

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1st July 2008

Isn’t That Awkward?

Woman to table of friends: So, there I was in Texas with a bunch of Asians and they didn’t know.

Herkimer patio
Overheard by That could have been me.

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26th June 2008

I Left Mine In My Other Purse

Older woman shouting:  Somebody on this bus got a skunk!  Who’s got a skunk in their purse?!

16 eastbound
Overheard by LB, who loves public transportation.

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25th June 2008

It’s All So Clear Now

Groundskeeper lying on the lawn, to other groundskeepers: So, people keep killing themselves because the plants are emitting this pheromone that, like, makes people want to kill themselves.

outside Folwell, University of Minnesota
Overheard by worried gardener.

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20th June 2008

Obviously

Announcer Dave Toll in reference to 15-year-old junior national champion bike racer, Coryn Reviera as she won a sprint lap: She’s a bar napkin with a motor boat engine.

10th and Nicollet
Overheard by Spectators at the Nature Valley Grand Prix Minneapolis Downtown Criterium bike race

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19th June 2008

Damn You, Progression!

Old black man, walking erratically and muttering to himself as he passes a tall black woman with dreads walking hand-in-hand with her white husband: Damn… that’s the problem with Minnesota. Blacks and whites together. What the hell? This state is so fucked up… why, Minnesota?  All gone to hell.

Lyndale Ave, outside The Wedge
Overheard by I remember the good old days.

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18th June 2008

Is He A Magic Turtle?

Blonde: It’s so hot in here, I’m all sweaty.
Brunette: I think I’m going to need my turtle.

IKEA
Overheard by that’s not going to solve your problem.

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17th June 2008

Seems Like A Good Time To Occupy Other Planets

Older jogger: What was its name? Stevenson? Um…
Younger jogger: Callahan.
Older jogger: Yeah, Callahan! God, that’s a stupid name. Who would name their dog something with two syllables?

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Call-a-han has 3 syllables. Would you prefer Fi-do? Wait…

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9th June 2008

Well, That’s New

Dude: I’m not eating tomatoes anymore.  Because of the Somali outbreak.

Leaning Tower
Overheard by I never ate ‘em anyways.

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9th June 2008

Someone Always Goes Too Far

Guy #1: You can’t molest the elderly.
Guy #2: But they can molest you.
Girl: I know, and I love it when they do.

Gustavus Adolphus College, St. Peter, Olin Hall
Overheard by if your employer heard you say that…

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6th June 2008

Sassy

Dude in a dress shirt: I really don’t like the way these shoes are hitting the backs of my knees.
Guy friend, also in a tux: …Yeah.

Stadium Village

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5th June 2008

It’s A Big Day For Assholes Here In Minnesota

Girl talking loudly on cellphone: …and OMG I saw a black guy run into a door. And it was really funny, because he did the whole ‘I’m black and I overreact to everything to make up for years of oppression against the African race thing’. I laughed SO hard.

Domino’s in Anoka
Overheard by can i get a hell yeah.

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5th June 2008

You’ll Need A License For Your Ignorance, Too

Guy #1: So, did you find out where we could find some bait?
Guy #2: No, there was some girl working there.
Guy #3: So?  Some girls like to fish.
Guy #2: She’s also black.
Guy #1 & #3 (simultaneously): Oh.

Downtown
Overheard by You’ve got to be shitting me.

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