Posts Tagged ‘wtf’
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Don’t Take Drugs That You Find In The Dumpster
Woman walking, talking to herself: If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were beagles, we’d all be princes and princesses. Of beagles.
Minneapolis, 27th & Colfax
Overheard by Dwight. -
The First President Under Our Beds
Little boy, in a singsong voice: George Washington, George Washington, he’s gonna eat you. George Washington, George Washington.
Minneapolis, Bus Route 16
Overheard by wooden teeth must work well. -
Is It Like Wearing White After Labor Day?
Lady Bar Patron: Even if you we’re born in 1970 you can still enjoy a Charleston Chew.
Minneapolis, 331 Club
Overheard by Trivia Players. -
Does That Mean It’s Optional?
Timberwolves cheerleader: I love coming to work. I get sssooo excited. I wish everyone was this excited about going to work. Yeah, I’m half naked all the time but just the same I still love it.
Young security guard: I know what you mean. I get really excited about coming to work, too, but they let me wear clothes.Minneapolis, Target Center
Overheard by Clothed employee. -
That Usually Has Very Negative Results, Or So I’ve Heard
Woman to coworker: We’ll be fine. I’ll just say I’m high and I’ll be fine.
Plymouth, Carlson Center
Overheard by confused intern. -
Thank Goodness For The Bunny
Girl who’s stopped on her bike, to another girl: I’ve never had that even come close to happening. When it almost does, the bunny always tells me.
Minneapolis, Grassy Knoll on the Greenway Bike Path
Overheard by Alice in Wonderland. -
She Can Only Use The Lawn Mower
Tan Intellectual at the Beach: Yeah, she must technically be a little person.
Equally Intellectual Friend: Why’s that?
Tan Intellectual at the Beach: Her hands are really small, like too small to even operate machinery. It’s gross.Minneapolis, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by I doubt your machinery is that big. -
It’s Not Like There’s A Grocery Store Nearby
Worker #1: Bring me some fruit and a bottle of water when you come back. You’re taking your lunch at home, right?
Worker #2: What?
Worker #1: Bring me a water and some fruit when you come back. You always do.
Worker #2: Um, no, I never have, and I don’t have any fruit anyway.
Worker #1: Not even an apple?
Worker #2: (stares)Minneapolis, Lake St. Target
Overheard by: what about an orange? -
I Only Saw One Flappity
Man: Have you seen my white peregrine falcon going flappity flappity? It swoops down at about two hundred miles an hour without the technology.
Saint Paul, Grand Avenue CVS
Overheard by how fast does it swoop down with the technology? -
To Whom?!
30-something woman to her women friend: So, then he smiled at me and I realized he had fangs just like a vampire.
Friend: Well, weren’t you by the caves?
30-something woman: Yes, what does that have to do with it?
Friend: Don’t vampires like to sleep in caves?
30-something friend: Yes, well I suppose that makes sense then.Minneapolis, in line at Caribou on Nicollet Mall and 11th
Overheard by The crazies are out again for the summer. -
The Ghosts Of Regrets Past
20-something girl: What if my vagina was haunted?
20-something guy: Like, with sperm wearing little white sheets? Hmm, I wonder if any of my sperm have become ghosts.Minneapolis, Nicollet Mall Farmer’s Market
Overheard by helopookie. -
Someone Has To Stop Those Crazy Penguins
Engineer fixing something in the ceiling to fellow engineer: I woulda been left-handed if it wasn’t for the penguins.
U of M, 3rd floor of Folwell
Overheard by ak. -
Modern Problems For Modern Times
Girl in front of me who’s boyfriend just bought her 1 bag of regular sized Skittles: Baby, will you buy me these? I want a bag for my Skittles, I just don’t like it when I gots the Skittles all up in my pockets looking all bulging and stuff. I’m not bulging, I want a bag for my Skittles. Here, you take ‘em.
Minneapolis, Stevens Square, Third Ave Market
Overheard by Jim (playdead) Sorenson. -
No, I Don’t Think It Is
Crazy emo girl in an overcrowded booth, surrounded by her friends: It’s like watching the cookie monster make love to your cat!
Burnsville, Perkins
Overheard by WHAT, exactly, is like that?! -
Calling PETA
40ish Man in suit: You know how sometimes you can love a dog so much it’s, like, illegal?
40ish Woman: (looks at him blankly)
40ish Man: You know… so that it’s, like, illegal?
40ish Woman: (looks straight ahead) Umm, let’s look at halloween candy.Eden Prairie, Target
Overheard by I love my dog, but not THAT much. -
I Could Spend All Day Trying To Figure This Out
Bossy 13 year old to woman: You’re supposed to give up your seat for me, I’m a kid.
Woman: Who’s responsibility do you think you are? Not mine, I know how to count.St Paul, on the 16Overheard by DAYUM. -
I Can’t Hear You Over The Sounds Of My Retching
Happy Hour drinker: My menstruation looks like meat? Is that normal?
Minneapolis, Imperial Room
Overheard by No, good heavens no! -
This Problem Is More Common Than You’d Think
Guy #1:…and America would be the best planet in the universe!
Guy #2: What about bratwurst?
Guy #1: We have bratwurst.
Guy #2: We don’t have enough!Woodbury, School
Overheard by that wouldn’t be my concern… -
Happens All Of The Time
Elderly Lady: Can you tell me were an elevator is?
Co Worker: Right in the middle of that department store there.
Elderly Lady: What are you guys selling here? The internet?
Co Worker: No, we sell cell phones here. (holds up phone)
Elderly Lady: I dont know anything about that. Well, off to see the puppeteer!Roseville, Rosedale
Overheard by I love puppet shows. -
Let’s Postpone The Color Lesson
Girl #1: Look! It’s like a train!
Girl #2: Chugga chugga, chugga chugga… Quack quack!Minnetonka Mills
Overheard by concerned friend.
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