Girl #1: Look! It’s like a train!
Girl #2: Chugga chugga, chugga chugga… Quack quack!

Minnetonka Mills
Overheard by concerned friend.

Young man to apparent family members: I got my arm bitten off by an alligator.  Look at my t-shirt.

A park in Minneapolis
Overheard by WTF???  There might be an easier way to tell.

Elementary school girl to sister:  Have you ever sat on really hot bleachers?  If so, try my new Anus Sack!  Just add ice to the pouch and sit for instant cooling!  I also attached some silverware, some scissors, some glue, some oats, some floss, some tapioca pudding, a pack of flashcards, a pencil, and some Children’s Motrin. You know… just in case.

Minnetonka Mills Dunn Bros.
Overheard by i’d buy that.

Man chatting with an equally loud friend: He’s so cute you wanna trust anything he says, but it’s like, no. He just sells himself so he can be like geishas.

16 bus wetbound
Overheard by if he’s cute….

Man, to car driving down alley after he crosses: Slow DOWN!
Man in car: Take out your ponytail!

Dupont/34th
Overheard by very concerned neighbor.

Museum Employee: Any Questions?
5-year-old boy: Why is there a man dangerously hanging on that cord?

Mill City Museum
Overheard by Too old and jaded to be concerned.

Lady: Ooo!!! ICE CREAM!! Ohh, wait that’s just potato salad.

WalMart
Overheard by Potato Salad is good too!

Co-worker #1: Our courageous leader tells me our people have fallen on hard times and though the metaphorical rain may fall, our perseverance will prevail and triumph will soon be ours.
Co-worker #2: Weird, dude.  Hey, wanna order Jimmy Johns with me?

Eden Prairie cube farm
Overheard by co-worker 3.

Woman to table of friends: So, there I was in Texas with a bunch of Asians and they didn’t know.

Herkimer patio
Overheard by That could have been me.

Older woman shouting:  Somebody on this bus got a skunk!  Who’s got a skunk in their purse?!

16 eastbound
Overheard by LB, who loves public transportation.

Groundskeeper lying on the lawn, to other groundskeepers: So, people keep killing themselves because the plants are emitting this pheromone that, like, makes people want to kill themselves.

outside Folwell, University of Minnesota
Overheard by worried gardener.

Announcer Dave Toll in reference to 15-year-old junior national champion bike racer, Coryn Reviera as she won a sprint lap: She’s a bar napkin with a motor boat engine.

10th and Nicollet
Overheard by Spectators at the Nature Valley Grand Prix Minneapolis Downtown Criterium bike race

Old black man, walking erratically and muttering to himself as he passes a tall black woman with dreads walking hand-in-hand with her white husband: Damn… that’s the problem with Minnesota. Blacks and whites together. What the hell? This state is so fucked up… why, Minnesota?  All gone to hell.

Lyndale Ave, outside The Wedge
Overheard by I remember the good old days.

Blonde: It’s so hot in here, I’m all sweaty.
Brunette: I think I’m going to need my turtle.

IKEA
Overheard by that’s not going to solve your problem.

Older jogger: What was its name? Stevenson? Um…
Younger jogger: Callahan.
Older jogger: Yeah, Callahan! God, that’s a stupid name. Who would name their dog something with two syllables?

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Call-a-han has 3 syllables. Would you prefer Fi-do? Wait…

Dude: I’m not eating tomatoes anymore.  Because of the Somali outbreak.

Leaning Tower
Overheard by I never ate ‘em anyways.

Guy #1: You can’t molest the elderly.
Guy #2: But they can molest you.
Girl: I know, and I love it when they do.

Gustavus Adolphus College, St. Peter, Olin Hall
Overheard by if your employer heard you say that…

Dude in a dress shirt: I really don’t like the way these shoes are hitting the backs of my knees.
Guy friend, also in a tux: …Yeah.

Stadium Village

Girl talking loudly on cellphone: …and OMG I saw a black guy run into a door. And it was really funny, because he did the whole ‘I’m black and I overreact to everything to make up for years of oppression against the African race thing’. I laughed SO hard.

Domino’s in Anoka
Overheard by can i get a hell yeah.

Guy #1: So, did you find out where we could find some bait?
Guy #2: No, there was some girl working there.
Guy #3: So?  Some girls like to fish.
Guy #2: She’s also black.
Guy #1 & #3 (simultaneously): Oh.

Downtown
Overheard by You’ve got to be shitting me.