Coworker: They sent an invitation on the computer. It was an e-invitation. On e-mail.

Bloomington, Nasty work bathroom
Overheard by I was told there would be bacon.

Business man on lunch break: Did you have some delicious cashews this morning?

Minneapolis, USBank Building
Overheard by Coco.

Coworker, in response to another coworker wondering how Michael Jackson’s family is going to straighten out the debt: Well, you know Tito was really good with math so I could see him managing the estate. They’ll probably open Neverland Ranch to tourists. They can charge more money because there are rides and stuff.

St Paul, the cubicle next door
Overheard by The Wallbanger.

Brunette in line with friend: Oh hey! You should get this suede cleaner for your new shoes!
Blond buying shoes: Really? Uhhh, how’s it work?
Brunette: Well, you just spray it on the shoes, then when it dries, you just use the top to brush it off .
Blond: What? How?
Brunette: Well, it dries and you can brush it off suede, no water.
Blond: No, I mean how do you put it on? There’s no sprayer and you can’t squeeze the can!
Brunette: (long pause) There’s a cap. Take the cap off.
Blond: (takes cap off) Wow! There it is!

St. Louis Park, DSW
Overheard by The Paint King.

Mustachioed Bartender: Okay, I’m going to tell you a little story about something known as the Tequila Sunrise!

Minneapolis, Uptown Bar
Overheard by An Invisible fiend.

Guy: If you’re into action, into night life, go to Minneapolis. But it’s a bit rougher of a crowd.

St Paul, Great Waters
Overheard by Ed.

Teenage fantasy/role playing girl: So, as you know, I’ve always been big into fantasy. Before I got into this new series, I was a huge fan of Merlin.
Teenage wannabe fantasy girl: Oh, yeah, me too, way before everyone else started liking Merlin.
Teenage fantasy/role playing girl: What? Dude, no one else likes Merlin. Freak.

Minneapolis, Lake Harriet walking path
Overheard by Harry Potter is cooler anyways.

Coworker discussing the diversity of Minneapolis Fire Department: You can’t swing a cat without hitting a lesbian.

Minneapolis, workplace
Overheard by co-worker.

College boy #1, playing football with College boy #2: I think I want to go into marine biology.
College boy #2: Oh?
College boy #1: Yeah, I want to work somewhere warm, like the ocean. But I can’t get that at UMD.
College boy #2: Why not?
College Boy #1: Because they don’t have marine biology classes.
College Boy #2: Do they have, like, regular biology classes?

Eagan, beach
Overheard by Oh the kids these days…

Average joe: Bears? Aren’t the Minnesota bears the guys who go swimming in really cold water in the winter?

Minneapolis, Pride Parade
Overheard by he’s obviously never been to the mpls eagle.

Teenage girl #1, complaining to her friend about her sore legs: Seriously, I feel like my body is rising up against me or something.
Teenage girl #2: I thought that only happened with guys.
(awkward silence)
Teenage girl #1: Did you seriously just say that?

Maple Grove, Arbor Lakes
Overheard by: Yes. Yes she did.

Dude, walking with other dude: Yeah, the divorce is pretty much like a root canal.

Minneapolis, Lake Harriet walking path
Overheard by ARS.

Woman: I’m pretty sure out of the corner of my eye I saw him knock Lara with his penis.

Minneapolis, TC Pride Festival
Overheard by I’m pretty sure that I heard her correctly.

Girl #1: Look at all of those glamorous women!
Girl #2: Those are drag queens.

Minneapolis, Pride Festival

Guy: It looks like she motorboated a Totino’s party pizza.

Minneapolis, Memory Lanes
Overheard by Mmm… Pizza.

Girl who’s stopped on her bike, to another girl: I’ve never had that even come close to happening. When it almost does, the bunny always tells me.

Minneapolis, Grassy Knoll on the Greenway Bike Path
Overheard by Alice in Wonderland.

Third grader #1 (pointing at a Jamba Juice stand): Hey, there’s a guy in a strawberry costume!
Third grader #2: Awesome! What a dream job.

St Paul, Harriet Island, Children’s Cancer Walk

Dude: I’m gonna drive Suzy* home.
Chick: Are you good to drive?
Dude: Is a little Dutch boy good to put his finger in the dam?

Minneapolis, House Party in Lowry Hill
Overheard by My BlackBerry is a designated driver.

Woman in unnecessarily bright pink bikini: Everybody LOVE ME!

Minneapolis, Hidden Beach
Overheard by Umm, no.

Future math major to her equally smart friend: What’s 75% off of four dollars? (long pause, then both give up and walk away)

Minnetonka, Ridgedale
Overheard by I would have looked at the price sheet.