Freshman guy: You’d be surprised; my pants are surprisingly flexible.

Roseville, Northwestern College
Overheard by All that Yoga’s finally paid off.

Middle aged woman to coworker: I’m such a procrastinator I forgot my own twin’s birthday!

Brooklyn Park, Bullseye Cubefarm
Overheard by I hate the elevator.

Bar Girl #1: We should, like, totally go walk around Stillwater sometime!
Bar Girl #2: Is that in Minnesota?
Bar Girl #1: No, Hudson.

Minneapolis, Il Gato
Overheard by TequilaCuresACold.

Guy talking to friends, sounding offended: I don’t know where to get hairy underwear!

New Hope, Cooper High School

Young girl to friend: So, after you been with a man and you’re used to your discharge looking one way, and then it’s another way. That’s when you know somethin’ ain’t right.

Minneapolis, on the bus
Overheard by Human Nature.

Girl to Bro: So I told her, “Excuse me?! I’ve been a lifeguard! I’ve had to go from ‘Chugga-chugga-choo-choo,’ to ‘Chugga-chugga-boom-boom!’”

Saint Paul, Brady Hall
Overheard by What does that even mean?!

Senior citizen explaining newly learned technology to friends: Texting is like sending a telegraph over your phone.

St. Paul, Casa Vieja
Overheard by Weierd.

Chick #1: I really like him. A lot. But I’m getting bored with just going over there and “hanging out”. I want more.
Chick #2: Sounds like a booty call without sex. What’s the point?

Minneapolis, The Independent

Freshmen Girl: Yeah, my glasses broke over break so now they’re super bent, but it’s okay because tomorrow I’m going to the… obs… te… trician?
Freshmen Guy: Optometrist?
Freshmen Girl: Yeah! I don’t know what I just said.
Freshmen Guy: Yeah.

Minneapolis, U of M Campus Connector
Overheard by you put your glasses WHERE??

Kid looking at ice sculptures of dinosaurs, angrily: DINOSAURS ARE EXTINCT!!!!!!!

St. Paul, Rice Park, Winter Carnival
Overheard by amused.

Customer consuming blueberry pancakes: This is a meal fit for Obama!

Minneapolis (Dinkytown), Al’s Breakfast
Overheard by Secret Service Nightmare.

One elderly man to an equally elderly man looking at their shoes: Is it from the Buckle? Doesn’t everybody buy shit at the Buckle?

Minnetonka, Dick’s Sporting Goods
Overheard by Yes, everyone buys shit at the Buckle.

Cubicle Mate: So, no raises, no bonus.
Cubicle Manager: Yeah, I guess.
Cubicle Mate: Well, in that case, I’m just going to use the free hot cocoa in the break room as a meal replacement system.

Edina, cubicle farm water cooler
Overheard by Does our insurance cover hip replacements?

High school work-study student to work-study coordinator: I’m tellin’ you, my pants is up!

Minneapolis, child care center
Overheard by lmb.

Customer, entering bar, to bartender: Hey, would it be possible to watch the State of the Union in here?
Bartender: There’s another one?

Minneapolis, Sauce Spirits and Soundbar
Overheard by smoothd.

Woman: So, what’s your animal position, then?

Minneapolis, Skyway level, AT&T building
Overheard by trying not to laugh.

Old man: Like Prince say, “When dogs cry…”
Young man: That ain’t right.
Old man: That’s what I’m sayin! When a dog cry, somethin ain’t right!
Young man: No. The Prince song. It’s “When Doves Cry.”
Old man: Hell, man, that was a long time ago. I don’t ‘member ‘xactly. Still, when a dog cry, you know somethin’ wrong. When a dog cry, you know somethin’ ain’t right.

St. Paul, Bus Route 21, Easbound on Marshall
Overheard by me.

Child #1: Are you gonna sleep on the plane?
Child #2: Yeah.
Child #1, very serious: I’ll wake you if we’re gonna die, OK? I’ll wake you if we’re gonna die.

MSP Airport, during takeoff on a plane bound for Florida
Overheard by Now Afraid to Fly.

Little girl: Why do all the players have tattoos?
Adult: Because their parents didn’t love them.

South Minneapolis, Vikings playoff party
Overheard by Jeanne.

College guy, about the weather: It’s warm. Warm like the bosom of a bear.

Minneapolis, Dinkytown
Overheard by Burrhead.