Student #1: HEY! CALL ME SOMETIME YA’ JERK!
Student #2: I don’t have your number.
Student #1: WELL, FIND IT.

Minneapolis, Minneapolis College of Art & Design

Camp Counselor: Justin, why is your marshmallow roasting stick in between your legs?
Justin (5 years old): Cause it’s my penis! I have a really, really long penis!

Duluth, cabin
Overheard by Kids these days.

Male Customer, sarcastically: You guys never lose anything, right?
Male Worker: Only our minds.

Richfield, Post Office
Overheard by Please not today, I really need to mail this.

Teenage Girl #1: He totally dissed my mom!
Teenage Girl #2: Well, in his defense, your mom is kind of a slut.
Teenage Girl #1: I know, but I still felt bad for her.

Minneapolis, McDonald’s
Overheard by Ginger.

Mom, to her kid: What do you want to eat?
Little kid: BUFFALO!
Mom: You mean buffet?
Little kid: NO. A BUFFALO!

Minneapolis, Franklin & Nicollet Bus Stop
Overheard by Malarchy.

Early-20’s guy: If I could make one season warmer, I’d choose winter and if I could make one season colder, I’d choose summer.
Early-20’s girl: Yeah.

St. Louis Park, Louisiana Transit Park & Ride
Overheard by How long did it take for you to figure that one out, genius?

Woman on the phone: No, it’s just a reserve reservation.

Minneapolis, Punch Pizza
Overheard by Free Pizza!

Ham Radio Enthusiast #1: Hey, what’s Thurgood Marshall up to these days, anyway?
Ham Radio Enthusiast #2: Well, he’s dead.
Ham Radio Enthusiast #1: Really? Oh, wait, that’s not who I’m thinking of! I meant, what’s his name, that racist guy?
Ham Radio Enthusiast #2: Strom Thurmond?
Ham Radio Enthusiast #1: Yeah! What’s he up to?
Ham Radio Enthusiast #2: Well, he’s dead, too.

Minneapolis, Burger Jones
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

Chipper cashier: Oh, I like cats. Do you have a kitty?
Crusty old man with large bag of cat food: Yeah. 39 of them.

Maple Grove, Super Target
Overheard by No matter how hard Maple Grove tries to be Edina or Eden Prairie…

Middle aged woman #1: I mean, the poor girl has three uteruses, and she’s from India and-
Middle aged woman #2: Does that mean she can have three babies at the same time??

Bloomington, Hotel
Overheard by Your Confused Front Desk Agent.

Girl in her early 20s, to boyfriend: Um, it says I’m psychic for the next three weeks.

Saint Paul, Costellos
Overheard by Hmmm.

College Kid: Not sure what we were thinking, but you can’t substitute bananas for eggs.

Minneapolis, Target
Overheard by Old Timer.

Pre-teen girl, very loudly to friend: You did WHAT to WHOSE mother for HOW many Skittles?!?!

Minneapolis, bus
Overheard by Are you sure it wasn’t M&Ms?

Bro promoting Barfly: Every night I go home, make myself a chicken breast, and hit my pillow. Two breasts a day keeps a guy healthy, am I right?

Minneapolis, Hennepin & 5th bus stop
Overheard by Burrhead.

Guy #1: Dude, you can’t make out with your sister!
Guy #2: Even if she’s, like, really hot?
Guy #1: Rough, dude.

Minnetonka High School
Overheard by glad we’re not related.

Guy wearing T-mobile shirt: Apparently people are starting to fight about what atheist group is better. That’s ridiculous. Nobody fights about what religious group is better.

Minnetonka, T-mobile kiosk in Ridgedale Mall
Overheard by an atheist.

College girl in line for burrito toppings: GOD, I JUST LOVE PROTEIN!!!

Minneapolis, Augsburg College Cafeteria
Overheard by Were you refering to sour cream or salsa?

Kid having breakfast with his family: We went to this great place called the White Castle!

Minneapolis, Uptown Bruegger’s
Overheard by Kumar.

Angry, crazy man: I know what he’s tryin’ to do. He’s advertising my pocket! And trying to get in my pocket! But I ain’t one of his gay boys, know what I’m sayin’?

Minneapolis, 4 bus, southbound on Hennepin Ave
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Boyfriend to his Polish girlfriend, arguing about buying food for her visiting relatives: They should eat American; If I went to Poland I would expect to eat Polish!

Minneapolis, apartment building
Overheard by someone who doesn’t want to hear.